Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Acting (But Were Afraid To Ask, Dear) (21 page)
Read Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Acting (But Were Afraid To Ask, Dear) Online
Authors: West End Producer
Actors’ detention is not just a clever way of allowing me to whip actors (although this
is
a bonus) – it is incredibly important for actors to relearn the discipline they originally had when entering the business. Detention happens straight after a mid-week performance and takes place in the green room where desks, chairs and a blackboard have been set
out. My casting director now insists on taking these sessions, as he is marvellous at awarding discipline when and where it is needed. He also gets deep thrills dressing up as a schoolteacher and fiddling with his cane.
The detentions themselves consist of lines written in silence, theatrical mathematical equations and
Crystal Maze-
style challenges. Some of these challenges are very tough, both physically and mentally – so tough, in fact, that we sadly lost one actor during the process (but he had a good understudy so it didn’t really matter). However, the biggest and most terrifying challenge in actors’ detention is not being allowed to talk. And more specifically, not being allowed to talk about
yourself
.
This final challenge has crushed many a well-known actor. It is very startling to witness, because ‘talking about yourself’ is something which is second nature to every actor. When you put two performers in a room their natural inclination is to chat about themselves and the business. Sometimes they will try and break the pattern by asking the other person lots of questions first – but these questions will inevitably be about upcoming auditions and who their agent is, which will naturally lead to them talking about their
own
agent. And
bang
! They’re talking about themselves again. It really is very difficult, and is something of an addiction for actors worldwide. It is a well-known fact that farmers like to talk about sheep, butchers about meat, and actors about themselves.
Actors – it really isn’t necessary to use ‘The Method’ when playing an Oompa Loompa, dear.
| ‘Touch an Actor’ Scheme Famous actors these days are treated like gods and praised for their performances on and off stage. I think it’s time the general public learnt that they are like you and me – and are given the chance to touch them. It is a scheme I have been trying to get approved by various acting organisations over the years – but for some reason there has always been considerable apprehension. What I propose is that actors in any company offer themselves to be touched by members of the public – for a fee. I hear actors complaining about their awful wages on a daily basis, so I think this simple activity would provide a solution for all parties. I am not suggesting that every actor would be keen on the idea, but I know many who would gratefully be touched for cash. | |
| The ‘Touch an Actor’ scheme would have different rates for different body parts. For example, a few little taps on the head would cost you a tenner, but a good cupping of the balls would cost at least £30 – depending on the size of the balls in question. But, of course, it all depends on how far the actor wants to go. In the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries anyone could pay a few shillings to go backstage and watch actors getting dressed and undressed. They didn’t even have to be watching the show. The backstage antics were just as much of a show as the onstage ones. | |
| Anyhow, it’s an idea I want to trial very soon – so if any actors out there would like to offer their body for touching purposes please let me know. And for you, lucky reader, please scroll your way to the end of this ebook for your special ‘Touch an Actor’ voucher. | |
| | |
If in doubt, fade to black.
Different Types of Performance
Physical Theatre
Physical theatre is a mysterious art form that was created in the early twentieth century by a group of actors who found talking and moving at the same time far too taxing – so they developed a technique using deep lunges, star jumps and standing on their tiptoes. It was a fascinating visual feast that allowed actors to experiment in unknown territories – bending, stretching and utilising every part of their body in a physical way. If only they knew they were paving the way for
Puppetry of the Penis
, dear.
Many actors believe that there is no difference between normal theatre and physical theatre – that, in fact, to be a good actor in the first place you have to be physical. Of course, I see their point – and most actors will perform with a certain degree of physicality – but performers these days frequently feel compelled to adopt the hugely unsatisfactory ‘standing still and talking’ stance. Whilst there is nothing wrong with this technique, I find it rather unimpressive and repetitious. I don’t just want to see people talking on stage, I want to be entertained! If I merely wanted to see people standing and talking I would go and book a season ticket for the Royal Court.
I must admit to feeling sorry for these ‘standing still’ actors – as I’m sure they’re suppressing an inherent yearn to release their inner jazz hands. I don’t blame the actor for this, it’s not their fault – I blame the actor-training. Many schools these days are not jazz-hand fans, and whip this natural inclination out of the young, enthusiastic performer. I think it scandalous, I really do. There is nothing wrong with the use of jazz hands – they provide a relief, a celebration, and their significant use is a symbol of theatre throughout
the world. Just look at Laurence Olivier. Apparently his whole technique was based on the jazz-hand method. He was just very sparing in his use of it.
Many of our most famous theatre companies have their own distinctive physical styles as described below:
Royal Shakespeare Company
– A very earthy, flat-footed physicality that involves standing still for long periods – particularly when holding a spear.
National Theatre
– A physicality that uses expressive, gurning faces and bold arm gestures. If you give certain members of the company a luminous jacket they become highly skilled at landing aircrafts.
Donmar Warehouse
– A light-footed, subtle physicality, with a preference to using frequent head movements.
Royal Court Theatre
– A physicality that involves constantly looking at the floor – helping to imply harrowed, tortured characters.
Physical-theatre performers tend to have a great facility in allowing their body to encapsulate a character totally. Whether it be using mime, mask work, dance, or solely movement, their performances come from a more physical understanding and appreciation of the character and story. Not to say that the physical-theatre performer never offers a cerebral performance – because indeed they do – but what is offered is more a study of the physical attributes of human nature.
Of course, physical theatre does not dissociate itself from dialogue – in fact, many companies use the combination of text and bold physicality to aid their telling of the story. One of the foremost practitioners of physical theatre in the UK is Steven Berkoff. He was celebrated for his version of Kafka’s
Metamorphosis
, and his plays
East
and
West
. Berkoff (or ‘Jerkoff’ to his friends) is an expert in the difficult techniques of physical theatre – he gurns, shouts, jumps, makes big arm gestures, grinds his teeth, lunges and spits the length of a football pitch. In fact, it was because of Steven that ‘splash’ seats were
invented – as the first four rows of his audience would always get splattered with spittle. Fine if you’re into that sort of thing, but terrible if you’re not partial to a bit of dribble.
I have witnessed many physical-theatre rehearsals in my time, and one thing I have observed is that they always contain a lot more physical contact than other forms of theatre. Whether this contact is hugging, slapping, caressing, lifting, or simply playing with the other person’s balls – it is always very present and vital in physical theatre. And I wonder if that is why actors want to get involved in it. I’m sure the prospect of pressing other performer’s bottoms and breasts in a purely ‘artistic’ way is marvellous – as every touch is justified as being a carefully controlled and planned piece of performance art. My casting director is a big fan of physical theatre, and actually offers one-on-one masterclasses at his house. I’ve no idea what it involves but I wouldn’t recommend going unless you enjoy wrestling with an old queen.
There are many institutions that offer training in the art of physical theatre – one of the most well known is a school in Paris called Lecoq, founded by Jacques Lecoq in 1956. It is known by many for its strict disciplines, ‘7 states of tension’ work, and ‘creative collaboration’ philosophy. It is also known worldwide for having a name that sounds like a part of the male anatomy. I am sure many people apply to the school thinking they will spend two years studying men’s private parts. I certainly did – but sadly I didn’t get offered a place.
In fact, I used to be very dear friends with a physical-theatre teacher from Paris, who moved to London in the seventies to continue and develop his teaching. He originally worked freelance at a lot of the top drama schools of the time. But one of the things that differentiated him from other similar teachers was that he believed the challenge of physical theatre was not actually to get too physical with the other performers. He said the key to physical theatre was ‘choosing when to be physical’. Unfortunately, many actors today choose to be physical far too early and far too often. And it usually happens in their digs in week one of the tour.
Many performers get confused about whether they are actually performing in a physical-theatre piece. The most reliable way to confirm this is if your naughty bits hurt after the performance. If they do, then you are.
To succeed in physical theatre you have to have a firm bottom, a large appendage, a good jockstrap, a face that looks good in masks, and a passion for throwing short actors around the stage.