Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Acting (But Were Afraid To Ask, Dear) (18 page)

Of course, bowing/bending in some countries is used as a form of greeting, and a gesture of respect. And the different forms of bowing can be used to express different emotions – from sincerity, gratitude, humility and sexual attraction (particularly if you are bowing directly to the groin region). So it has a very powerful and significant history. Which is why the simple act of bowing should not be treated simply at all.

Generally, as an actor, your bow should show respect and appreciation to the audience. You are showing them you are grateful that they came, supported and, most importantly, came back for the second half. I think it particularly pertinent in today’s society, when there are so many shows to choose from, a bow is a way of saying ‘Thank you for coming to see the one I’m in.’ You should always remember that the audience is actually your employer. Without them there would be no show, so your bow is thanking them for your wages. If you are only getting Equity minimum then you may not want to show much appreciation.

How you bow depends entirely on what you want to convey, and when you are bowing. If your bow is early in the curtain call you should try not to be self-indulgent, as a bow that is too long can smack of desperation and overenthusiasm. As a general rule, an early bow should be short, sharp and succinct – just like Andrew Lloyd Webber’s forehead. You should aim for a strong, confident walk to centre-stage, look straight ahead, then lower your torso and head in one swift, smooth motion. Aim to get your head no lower then your belly button – as any lower can result in it looking like you’re trying to give yourself a blow job. Then come straight back up, and do a little nod of the head to finish it off. If you felt they were a particularly good audience you can, of course, flick your right hand in the air behind you as you bow. This can look smart, elegant or just plain foolish – depending on the angle of your arm. So I suggest a little bit of practice in front of a mirror beforehand.

If you are bowing at the same time as a lot of other actors then you have two options. One is that everyone does the same bow – and looks wonderfully regimented. The other is that you all do your own personal bows, in an attempt to pull focus. Personally, I think it a lot more fun if you adopt the ‘pulling focus’ technique. This is your time, the time when the audience are applauding your talent – so you should do all you can to try and make them look at you. There are many ways to try and outdo each other, but you shouldn’t try and make it too obvious as this can cause tension backstage. If you are all running down in a line it can be rather fun to do a little jump before going into your bow – this will immediately bring the audience’s focus onto you. If you are feeling particularly cheesy a little pat on your heart and humble nodding of the head can go down a treat. Then, as everyone else begins to bow, do the opposite and look to the upper circle with arms outstretched before graciously lowering your head to your hips. As you bend, try taking both hands up behind you in a salute to the upper circle. They will appreciate this and also the actors either side of you will have no idea what you are doing. Then come up smoothly and give the audience
a little wink. If you do all of this you will definitely pull focus and show your true bending talent. However, you may not have time to do this – in which case you should just do a quick nod to the audience, blow them a kiss, and then bow. Either way you will look marvellously theatrical.

Sometimes you will be faced with the task of bowing with someone you don’t like, or in severe cases, someone you despise – and usually this person will be playing your lover. If this is the case you should remember to use the well known ‘bow-hand gestures’. Traditionally the man will bow first and then gesture for his lady to bow. If you do not get on with your co-star you can signal it on your other hand. Your thumb pointing downwards means they are difficult, your middle finger pointing down means they are a nightmare, and your first two fingers pointing down in a v-shape means they are the devil. This is a useful tool – particularly for those audience members in the industry – as it makes us understand how difficult the whole process has been for you.

Now we come to the star’s bow. The star will always have the final bow in the curtain call. If they are particularly nice the rest of the company will applaud when the star walks down. Obviously this is not compulsory and is only done when the company feels the star deserves it. In honesty, the worst thing to see is half of the company applauding and the other half refusing – making the whole thing look rather awkward.

Once the star has hit their spot they will take a few minutes to look around the auditorium. A very well-known dramatist once said that when bowing you should try and look at everyone in the audience. Clearly this was said as a generalisation, but some stars take it upon themselves to follow it through to the bitter end. In which case you are in for a very long night indeed.

Sometimes the star will blow kisses to the audience – particularly if they are getting a standing ovation. Then they may gesture to a friend in the audience, miming drinking a pint. Often the star will then mime ‘thank you’ back to the audience in a patronising and insincere way.

A very important rule when bowing is that you can never bow for longer than the amount of dialogue you say in the show. So if you are a small part and say one line you are confined to a very short and sharp bow. However, when you are playing the lead this means you can take for ever. Unless, of course, you are doing a mime piece, in which case this rule is null and void.

So the star will invariably take their time. After the obligatory gestures to the audience, and condescending nods to the rest of the cast, they will start lowering their head. A true star will never take their eyes from the audience – they will always be staring out front during their bow. In fact, some stars take this eye-contact rule so seriously that they decide not to lower their heads at all, and just do a very deep knee-bend instead. This can look marvellous and give the appearance of a beautiful plié, or it can give the ungainly appearance of someone taking a centre-stage shit. This is something that you have to judge for yourself, depending on what kind of costume you are wearing. Of course, there is the risk that you could get stuck in this kind of a bow and need assistance by another member of the company. I witnessed this incident when a very well-known dame got stuck in her ‘knee-bending’ bow and would not ask for assistance from anyone. In the end she just fell onto her side and rolled herself offstage. In truth, there was something strangely poetic about the whole ritual.

Many stars will, of course, take a lot longer than this – or use different bowing techniques. Sometimes the star will even decide to take three bows, one aimed at each side of the auditorium – the middle, stage-right, and stage-left. This can be very effective when playing bigger theatres, but can be very embarrassing when playing a small fringe venue with an audience of four.

It is important to remember that the deeper your bow, the more appreciation you are showing the audience. So if they were good, or you had someone special watching then it is advisable to do a deep bow. A deep bow is one where your forehead goes anywhere between your groin region and knees. An extremely deep bow is when your head goes
anywhere below your knees, showing very deep gratitude. Over the years I have seen some extraordinarily deep bows where the forehead is literally banging on the actor’s big toe. Whilst this does look marvellous, it is only advisable for performers in Cirque du Soleil.

A new kind of bow which has become very trendy of late (particularly in avant-garde companies) is the backward bow. Upon first glance this bow can seem rather rude, but on completion is an absolute delight. Basically the actor runs to the front of the stage, turns around, tenses their buttocks – and does an extremely deep bow facing upstage. All the audience can see is the back of the actor, giving them a marvellous view of their bottom – which is usually a terrific sight in its own right. Indeed, I have been to many shows where this has been the highlight. Then, as the actor takes his deep bend he very slowly parts his legs and his face is revealed – upside down – hanging between his legs! This is a joy to see – and backward-bow virgins tend to find the whole experience life-changing. Of course, when you are hanging there you can smile, thank the audience, and even attempt to lick your bottom (but not when doing a schools tour). Then the actor slowly rises up to his standing position, turns round, and is greeted with even more applause by the audience. I hope to see more backward bows in the future, dear.

A word of warning
: Overenthusiasm can be dangerous – particularly when bowing. Bowing is one of the most dangerous sports there is – and insurance companies will not cover you for bowing-related injuries. A common accident is whiplash, which occurs when an actor is far too energetic and, upon reaching his upright position, whips his head back. So be warned: never whip your head back too dramatically.

Another regular accident is the knee-knock, which occurs when lowering your head into a bow. Again, overenthusiasm causes the actor to bow far too quickly resulting in them headbutting their knees. Which in itself can be awful – but is even more awful when both knees protrude into the eye sockets. Not nice at all. And a bugger for the make-up artist who has to cover your two black eyes for the next month.

So always be careful – and remember the signs of a bad bow by following the ‘FAST’ rule:

Fast
– Never be too fast in the lead-up to a bow.

Anus
– It is vital to have a tight anus at all times. This is essential in controlling your bow, and helps prevent unnecessary leakages.

Smile
– It is recommended to smile at least once during a bow. If you spot someone not smiling, please smile for them.

Technique
– If you spot an actor with a terrible bowing technique you must do the honourable thing and drag them offstage. A bad bow can ruin an entire show, and stain every other actor’s reputation. It is the bow captain’s responsibility to check the whole company’s bows at least twice a week.

Recently I was told by a young actor how to use your bow cleverly to get you a date. During the show you will undoubtedly have spent most of the time looking into the audience trying to spot the gorgeous people. In the interval all the cast will convene in the green room and chat about which girl is gorgeous, and which boy is beautiful – and where these people are sitting in the audience. During the second half the cast will try and spot the ‘hotties’ that the other cast members have recommended. This game can be much fun, and very rewarding – but do be careful not to make it too obvious. There was an actor in Blackpool that had such a good view of one lady’s cleavage that he involuntarily dribbled right into the middle of it. It wouldn’t have been so bad, but she was the director’s wife, dear.

The ‘get a date’ bow requires you to prepare a little piece of card with your name, phone number and dressing-room number on. As you walk downstage, stare at the person you fancy – and as you stand up from your bow when your arms naturally swing forward let your hand flick and spin the card to your potential date. Hopefully your aim will be spot-on and you will be in for a marvellous evening. However, if your aim is off by 10cm you could find yourself taking out a night-shift worker from the local chicken factory.

The sun has got his hat on, hip hip hip hooray. But we can’t get a suntan as we’ve got a matinee.

Press Night

Press nights are remarkable affairs. They are what the actors and production team have been working towards for the whole of the rehearsal period, and with them comes immense pressure – they are the one night when it is essential not to
fuck it up
.