For Nicky (12 page)

Whew! Nate agreed to see someone to talk about his anger towards others. I’m not sure what I would have done had he said no. I wasn’t really prepared for that. Something in me just knew he’d agree and we could start this whole relationship thing. I hope it doesn’t seem like I blackmailed him into going to a counselor just so he could call me his girlfriend.

I’m not even sure which movie I
grab, I just stick something into the DVD player and hit play. I’m pretty sure, based on the eyes I can feel gazing at my ass, that Nate has no plans of watching the movie. Good, because I don’t plan on it either.

I settle in on the couch next to Nate and he automatically slides his arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer. We both crack up laughing when the movie starts to play and we realize I’ve put in a workout video. Guess it’s a good thing we had no plans on watching it!

“Well, Libby-girl, it seems like the movie idea is a bust, do you have any other ideas on what we could do? Or should we just call it a night?”

“Well, Mr. Morgan, I’m pretty sure we could come up with a few ideas to keep us entertained for the next hour or so.”

Nate smiles and then leans in to gently brush his lips across mine. He grabs me by the waist and maneuvers me across his lap so that my back is against the throw pillow. “Mmmmm, girlfriend of mine, I bet we can keep ourselves busy for a while at least.”

Nate’s mouth comes back down on mine and we settle into a gentle rhythm with our lips and tongues.  When my head drops back so I can catch my breath, Nate’s mouth travels down to my neck. Oh
my gosh, who knew that being kissed on my neck would be such a turn on? Nate turns slightly so that we are both laying on our sides on my couch, front to front. He continues kissing me, but lets his hands run up and down my back. Instinctively, trying to ease the ache that has started between my legs, I push into him and I’m rewarded with a slight moan from him. I have never gotten that type of reaction from a guy so it gives me a heady sort of power. I rock into him again and he moans louder as I feel the evidence of how much he’s enjoying this too.

“Libby, baby, we may need to call it a night. I love kissing you and holding you, but I’m feeling like I’m holding on by a thread here, so perhaps we better say good night.”

I fake a little pout and shake my head no at him. Nate laughs and kisses me again. “Nate, I’m definitely not ready for everything yet, I’m not even sure I’m ready for what comes right before everything, but I think I can handle a little bit more than just kissing. That is, if you can?”

Nate groans and smirks at me, “Libby, you’re killing me. I want to be the good guy here and I will definitely never pressure you into anything, but you do realize that I’ll be taking a very uncomfortable cold shower when I get home, right?”

I grin at him and slide my hands under his shirt. Nate appears to like my hands on him, especially when my nails lightly trace up his back. He shivers at my touch. “Libby, can I touch you, too? Tell me no if you’re not comfortable with it. Please, don’t ever let me do something you aren’t ok with.”

I nod my head and suck in a breath as Nate’s hands slide under my shirt, up my torso, and then down my back. His hands are so big and warm. Involuntarily, my chest presses against his and I feel my nipples harden at the contact. Nate must notice this too because his gaze drifts to my chest and he sort of closes his eyes like he’s trying to reel a part of himself back in. His eyes come up to mine as his hands drift up toward my breasts. I can see the question in his gaze, and I silently give him permission to touch me. His hands fill with my breasts and my nipples are now painfully hard. He seems to like the feel of me in his palms because he closes his eyes, almost reverently, and rubs his thumbs over my nipples while he kneads the flesh that fills his hands. His mouth comes back down on mine, and his tongue instantly seeks mine. The kiss moves fairly quickly from gentle to harder, more desperate. He nips at my lower lip, I run my tongue over his lip, all the while his hands continue their glorious work on my chest as I push my body against his, reveling in the feel of his hardness against me as I try to assuage the ache that has done nothing but intensify between my legs.

By the time the video concluded 30 minutes later, it was safe to say that Nate and I were at least breathing like we’d had a good workout. Nate wrapped me in his arms at the door and kissed the top of my head. “Thank you for a perfect day, Libby. I’ll text you once I’m home and out of my ice cold shower.” He placed one last kiss on my lips then headed to his Jeep. I cleaned things up from our tea and straightened the couch. A quick shower and then I fell into bed. But, thinking about Nate, it was a long while before I fell asleep.

Audrey called a few days later to ask that Nate and I come over to her place. I was a little shocked, but I hoped that maybe this could be the beginning of the healing that Nate referred to after Audrey’s little outburst at the Fall Festival. I wanted a real relationship with my sister. I wanted to be friends with Audrey and not feel threatened by her all the time. Nate totally didn’t want to go to Audrey’s, especially after her little show at my apartment, but he knew it was important to me, so he agreed. He was a little suspicious that Audrey backed down so quickly and easily. I didn’t see it that way. I saw that Nate was the first person to tell Audrey she was wrong, and it was just what she needed to make her realize she was being mean to me.

So, Nate and I headed to Audrey’s a few evenings later. The plan was drinks and visiting. Audrey said she just wanted to talk and try to fix things. Once we got there, Audrey went on and on about the fabulous new red wine she had picked up at the market. She gushed about how good it was and how much we would just LOVE it. She insisted that I try at least a glass, even though “I know you’re totally lame and don’t even drink much.”
Um, Audrey? Calling me lame isn’t really making much of a change. Nate cleared his throat and said as much. “Sorry, Beth. I’m trying to be better, I just need time to change my habits.” Audrey seemed sincere.

So, Audrey is right, I’m not much of a drinker, but I accepted the red wine that she offered in hopes of it calming my nerves. Things felt weird being here with Audrey and Nate. I tried not to think about it, but Nate had had sex with my sister. Albeit, it was before he knew me and it was only once and he said it meant nothing. I knew it meant nothing to
Audrey, sex for Audrey was always meaningless. But it still creeped me out a little. I knew that I may one day contemplate having sex with Nate. Would he compare everything I did to Audrey? Would he picture Audrey when he was with me? Would I ever be able to get the picture of them together out of my head? I had promised myself that I wouldn’t let his past dictate our future but I had moments, like this one, where I wasn’t so sure I could keep that promise.

I sipped the wine and tried to pay attention to the conversation but I was feeling sort of out of it. Nate seemed to be trying hard to be civil to Audrey, but I could tell he wasn’t thrilled with being here. I appreciated his efforts since I knew he was doing it in hopes of Audrey and me mending fences, but I also liked how protective he was of me. Audrey was talking to Nate about some of their mutual friends; who was married, who had kids, who divorced already, etc. I felt a little left out to tell the truth, but I knew that Nate was doing this for me; we’d be gone in a heartbeat if I said the word. While I was half paying attention to the conversation, I remembered a voicemail I had gotten earlier so I excused myself to go out to the Jeep and get my phone. I was feeling really lightheaded and nauseous when I headed back into Audrey’s apartment so I bypassed the living room and made a beeline for the restroom. I sat on the cool tile floor listening to the voicemail on my phone. Man, the wine was really going straight to my
head, I should have eaten something before accepting the drink.

Unfortunately, I was going to need to head to the center right away. An order I had placed was supposed to arrive tomorrow, but it appeared that parts of the order were missing. I needed to get the original order off my computer at the center so I could contact the supplier tonight about the items that were missing. This was super annoying and I’d never had this problem with this supplier, but I needed those items so I had no choice but to go get the order information and call them back. I was still feeling a little lightheaded so I knew I couldn’t drive. I hoped that Nate could take me, but when I walked into the living room and explained the situation, I knew that he was going nowhere. I took one look at his glassy eyes and shot a look at Audrey. She giggled and shrugged her shoulders, “He’s downed like three glasses, Beth!
Either you’re sleeping with him already and it’s driving him to drink because you’re still so bad at it, or you’re holding out on him and he has to drink to forget that he’s not getting any! Don’t worry, he’ll be here when you get back. No hurry, we’ll just reminisce.” Audrey gave me a condescending smile. So much for mending fences. Nate slurred, “Audrey, be nice, Libby isn’t that type of girl. When she finally lets me in her pants, it will be totally worth it, isn’t that right, Libby girl? And I don’t think I’ve had three glasses, have I? I only remember this one glass.” Oh my, Nate was seriously drunk, he never talked like that! I rolled my eyes at Drunk Nate, gave Audrey an exasperated look, kissed Nate on the cheek, and took off walking toward the center. I would be able to be there and back within 30 minutes. My head felt like a balloon and it was all cloudy. Like I knew what was going on, but things were fuzzy or in slow motion. Ugh, no wonder I don’t usually drink.

Oh, my God, something was wrong with me. I had one glass of wine but I felt like I had drunk the whole bottle. I could barely lift my head, let alone my arms or legs. I felt like I could puke but there’s no way I could get to the bathroom. What in the hell was wrong with me? I know I don’t drink much, but one glass of wine shouldn’t have done this to me. It’s almost like I was on drugs, or what I’d seen others act like when they were on drugs. Wait, drugs? I didn’t see Audrey pour this glass of wine. Could she have drugged me? Audrey? She’s mean, but would she have done this? Would she have tried to hurt me or Libby? God, I don’t know, I can’t even think straight enough to answer that. My brain is so foggy and my thoughts are coming in bits and pieces. Where is Libby?

My eyes close as Audrey is talking about people we both know. I’m trying to think about what Libby said before she left. Wait, where was she going? Oh, right, to the center. She said she’d walk because she felt lightheaded and she’d be back in about 30 minutes. It must have been important for her to leave like that. With my eyes closed, I picture my Libby as I try to drown out Audrey. Her voice sounds like it’s at the bottom of a barrel and I’m listening to her through ear muffs or water or something.  God, my Libby is so gorgeous. In my dream I reach for her and pull her on top of me. My hands roam her body, reveling in her curves. Libby leans down to kiss me. The Libby in my dreams didn’t kiss as good as the real life version. Dream Libby reached between my legs and started stroking me. This is obviously a dream, albeit a good one, because Libby wouldn’t touch me like that just yet, would she? Shit, something it majorly wrong, Libby would never do this. It’s like I’m dreaming but I can totally feel Libby unzip my pants and pull me out. This isn’t right. My body feels like it’s right but my head feels confused. I can’t open my eyes but I know this is wrong. Libby wouldn’t do this, even though the fantasy has crossed my mind a few times. The hot mouth on my length brings my head up for a second. I force my eyes open for a brief moment and see a flash of blond hair before my head and eye lids fall back down. No, no, no, this isn’t Libby. This isn’t a dream. I can’t move my body, it’s like I’m paralyzed.  Unfortunately, one part of my body doesn’t seem to be affected. I groan and try to push Audrey off me.

“
Shhhh, Nate, it’s ok. I know Beth won’t do this for you. Or, she’d be really bad at it if she did. So, let me take care of you. Beth never has to know, just let me do this for you.” Audrey continues sucking on me then backs up and removes her clothes. I can see it all through the tiny slits in my eyes before they force themselves to close again. I feel my legs being maneuvered off of the couch so that they are straight out in front of me on the floor and my pants are pulled down to my ankles along with my boxer briefs. My mind is screaming at Audrey to stop but I can’t make my mouth form the words. I can only groan and make muffled noises. I keep trying to lift my arms to push her away, but they felt like they were incased in cement. I heard the crinkle of a condom wrapper and I felt Audrey’s hands roll it down my length. This is not happening. Please God, don’t let this happen.  I tried to make my body stop reacting to her touch, but it betrayed me. I couldn’t see, but I felt Audrey’s warmth slide down over me. Even if I had wanted to pump into her body, which I didn’t want, I couldn’t have if I’d tried. I couldn’t move anything. Audrey did all the moving. She bounced her body up and down on me, taking me all the way in. I felt her lift my arms and hold my hands on her breasts. I had no clue how much time had passed, but I had a sick feeling that Audrey knew exactly when Libby would be back. I noticed she slowed down her movements and glanced out the window. I heard her say, as if she was far, far away from me in a tunnel, “Uh-oh, Nate, I think Beth is on her way back. Such a shame she has to see another boyfriend fucking her sister! Oh well, better she learns about it now than later. I knew you always wanted more than one time with me. Now, let’s make this good. I plan on you coming about the time she walks in the door. And I always get what I want. No one should ever forget that.”

Oh my God, no, please don’t let Libby see this. Please. I’ve got to get Audrey off me. This will break Libby’s heart and I don’t know if I can explain this one away. This is much more than a simple misunderstanding. I mean, yes, I’m pretty sure Audrey drugged me because I can barely open my eyes, I can’t move, my head feels like it’s full of cotton, I most definitely would NEVER have voluntarily had sex with Audrey again
and I would cut off a body part before I’d hurt Libby again. But, if Libby sees this, there’s no way I could ever expect her to listen to an explanation and actually believe it. I feel Audrey start moving again and I hear her saying, “Oh God, Nate! It’s even better than last time! Oh, baby, you’re so hard! It’s so good. Yeah, give it to me, Nate! Harder, Nate, harder! Faster! Fuck me, Nate! Oh, Nate, I’m going to come! Ahhhhh!”

I hear a sound, like a door very far in the distance opening just as my traitorous body convulses inside her as I come with a groan. It’s not a groan of pleasure, it’s a sound made from disgust and fear.  I hear a sob that sounds like it’s coming through a pillow it’s so far away. My head lolls to the side and I force my eyes open only to see Libby standing in the doorway, tears streaming down her face. As Audrey turns to her and says, “Damn, Beth, again? You’ve got to stop walking in on your men fucking me”. Libby turns and leaves without
so much as a word. Audrey slides off of me and I pass out cold into a fucked up nightmare. I have no idea how long I sleep, but the entire time is filled with flashes of what happened and my mind is torturing me with detailed freeze frames of Libby’s tear stained face over and over and over.