For Nicky (15 page)

I had a sit-down heart-to-heart with my mom and dad. It was the most liberating and difficult thing I ever done. Liberating to tell them that I was in love with Libby and I wanted a future with her. Difficult beyond description to have to tell them that I didn’t think Libby and I had a future and the ugly, dirty details of why I thought that. My mom cried. I think she cried slightly more at what happened to her baby boy, but she cried almost as hard at what had happened to Libby and to Libby and me. Dad was silent, but I could tell he was hurting for me and for us. After we all sat around being sad for a little while, we started getting angry. My mom was angry at Audrey obviously. She was angry at the whole situation. I wasn’t sure what to do with the anger, but Mom and Dad promised to help in any way I needed them to. I told them that I planned on taking them up on that.

I called Libby and asked if I could come over. She had texted me earlier and told me she needed to talk to me. She replied that I could come over and she’d start some tea.
My girl and her tea. But, she wasn’t my girl anymore, was she? Would I ever be able to stop thinking of her as my girl? Was there a chance for her to still be mine?

Libby and I sat on her couch. She filled me in with all the sordid details of her confrontation with Audrey. She confirmed what I had suggested about Audrey drugging us. I guess hearing it straight from Audrey’s mouth left zero percent doubt in her mind. What she told me was crazy. I never thought Audrey was in that deep. I knew she was a power-hungry girl, but I didn’t realize she was a power-hungry psycho bitch who would drug her own sister to get what she wanted. I was infuriated. She could have seriously hurt Libby!
All for what? To win? To prove she was in control? I’m confused; I want to be with Libby, but I’m doubtful about being able to be with her while her crazy sister is around. How far is Audrey willing to go? She drugged her own sister, what else will she stoop to?

I agree to stand with Libby to confront Audrey. I told her that my parents would be there too. I knew they’d want to help in any way they could. Libby and I went to Captain Decker’s house. I knew that this was hard for Libby to tell her dad, but I held her hand while she told him EVERYTHING.
From the drugging, the rape, the conversation between Audrey and the drug dealer, everything.

“Dad, I want you to come with me to talk to Audrey. She needs help. She’ll probably need to go away for a while, and it’s probably going to get harder before she gets any better. I’m not sure where she will go or how she or we will pay for it, but we have to get her help.”

Captain Decker seemed shocked, dismayed, and something else. Guilt? Shame? I’m guessing he was seeing that his lack of good parenting had allowed some of these problems to fester and grow. Libby had told me how absent he had been after their mom died; from what she says, he was drunk throughout most of their teen years and just a few years ago admitted he had a problem and started getting the help he needed to get and stay sober. Libby said that her dad was stubborn and had been very successful in his recovery because he had set his mind to never giving in to the alcohol again. It appeared that Captain Decker was feeling the weight of Audrey’s problems pretty heavily on his shoulders right now. He agreed to go with us to confront Audrey. He just asked that we wait a day so he could get a place for her and some money. Captain Decker told Libby that he had a friend who worked at an in-patient treatment center in the next town over and he’d call him about getting Audrey admitted. Between Captain Decker and Audrey and Libby there was enough money to pay for her treatment from Mrs. Decker’s life insurance. Captain Decker said he would pay for as much as he could, and we just had to hope that Audrey would be willing to cover the rest. Libby was willing to pay from her part of the money as well, but I could see that the Captain, like me, didn’t want to see her have to do that. She’d been paying enough all these years albeit not monetarily.

So, we had a plan. But it all hinged on Audrey. We couldn’t force her into a treatment program. She had to go voluntarily. This wasn’t going to be easy.

I spent the day before the intervention researching how to do an intervention. Everything I read says to pick one person to lead the intervention. I’ve chosen myself. This will be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I feel that it’s important for both me and Audrey. All I’ve read also says that the intervention must be done out of love for the person. I know my dad loves Audrey, but he has always had a hard time showing his love for either of us. Nate definitely doesn’t love Audrey. He doesn’t even like her. But, I need him there for me. He’s agreed to basically be a silent supporter unless I need his help. Mr. and Mrs. Morgan are there because they are respected members of the community, they are my friends, and they want to support Nate along with me. So, in the end, I’m probably the only person who actually loves Audrey and can show it. I’m so angry and hurt by her right now, but she’s my sister and I can’t watch this calamitous behavior any longer. Selfishly, I can’t let Audrey self-destruct any longer because she’s destroying me in the process. My research has shown me that we all must set aside our anger and resentment. This isn’t a time to pile our grievances on Audrey. I need to make her see that she’s at rock bottom and issue her an ultimatum. This is a formidable and crucial piece to the intervention. At first, I didn’t think there was anything I could threaten her with. She’s not a drug addict with warrants for her arrest; she has no children that I can call Child Protection Services about; I don’t give her money. What can I use to issue this ultimatum? It came to me pretty quickly when I started thinking about what means the most to Audrey, her business. If she doesn’t agree to getting treatment and leaving RIGHT THEN, I will tell everyone about what she did. This town is small, the rumor mill is highly functional (in a sort of dysfunctional way), and no one is going to want Audrey planning their kids’ parties when they find out what she did. New brides, moms-to-be, couples married for 50 years, none of them would want a person like Audrey planning their happy celebration. This is the part I hate, but I will do it if it means getting Audrey the help she needs.

My dad was able to pull a few strings. Being part of the military and having a friend at the treatment center was helpful. There’s a room with Audrey’s name on it awaiting her arrival no later than 3 pm tomorrow. She will be there for at least a month. Dad paid for the month with Mom’s life insurance money. He will pay for the follow-ups, but Audrey will need to agree to help pay for some of it. We will broach that subject when the time is right. The first challenge is getting Audrey to go. I’m scared to death. What if this doesn’t work? What if it does work? What does the future look like for Audrey?
For us? What about Nate and me? Is there a Nate and me? I have to feel some hope since he’s willing to stand with me on this. But, the more realistic part of me says that working past all that’s happened is maybe just way too much.

I don’t do drugs. No, I just trade dirty sex for drugs and use them to fuck over my sister and her boyfriend. That’s so much better. However, if I WAS a druggie, I think I would know what it feels like waiting for my next fix, waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting to be caught. I am a jittery mess, walking around jumping at shadows, just waiting for Beth to come back. She knows the truth. She knows what I did to her. Add that to what I’ve done to her since our mother died and it all equals the fact that I’m a grade-A bitch. I think the waiting is almost the worst part. If she’s going to come back and let me have it, I wish she’d just get it over with. She’s been quiet, and I’m really starting to freak out. Beth has never stood up to me before, but there was something different in her voice and her eyes when she stood in my kitchen the other day. If she’s trying to torture me by making me wait around for my punishment, she’s doing a really good job. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, all I can do is wait for Beth to show up.

It’s 10:00am. I’ve been
laying on the couch since 2:00am. I couldn’t sleep in my bed. I tried to watch some TV, but it didn’t help. So I’m just on the couch completely zoned out. I’m not sure if I brushed my hair yesterday; I know I didn’t shower. I think I may have brushed my teeth because my breath was offensive to even me. I should probably check my emails and messages. I’ve got some parties coming up, and I don’t want to miss out on someone trying to schedule something. My business is the only good thing I have going for me. I don’t really have any friends. I have a couple people I call up for a good time if I’m hard up. My sister is wise to avoid me as much as possible. My dad and I aren’t exactly close. I don’t have co-workers. So my job is what keeps me going. I’m good at it. At least I have one thing going for me aside from being known for a sure thing and a good lay.

Who the hell is knocking on my door at 10:00 am? Shit, Audrey,
it’s freakin’ 10 in the morning. It’s not like it’s the butt-crack of dawn! Oh fuck! What if it’s Beth? I bet it’s Beth! She can’t come in. I look like ass, I probably smell like it too. I roll off the couch and belly crawl towards my room. “Audrey! I can see you through the window! Audrey! Open the door! Please?!” SHIT!

I guess the other shoe has now dropped. How is this going to go? Will Beth yell? I’ve never heard her yell. Is she going to cry? She should! Will she get physical? I doubt
it, she doesn’t have it in her. I’ve been so horrible to her, but even now, I can’t stop thinking of ways I could put her in her place. I drugged her and I’ve fucked her boyfriends more than once, so I’m not sure what I could do to top it. But the sick part is, I could probably figure something out. I don’t hate Beth, I just need to be in control at all times. And controlling Beth is so easy. I bet if I try hard enough I could totally turn this little confrontation against Beth and come out the winner. That’s the best plan I’ve got right now. I head to open the door.

WHAT THE FUCK! Beth, my dad, Nate, and his parents are all at my door.
“WHAT THE FUCK, BETH!?” I stumble backwards a bit as Beth steps through my door. “Audrey, I need you to sit down. Pick wherever you’re the most comfortable. This may take a while.”

“What?!?!?
Um, how about NO DAMN WAY! How about you all back the fuck up and leave! This is my house! Why are you all here?!?!”

“Audrey, we aren’t leaving until we get to say what we came to say. Well, at least I’m not leaving until I get to say what I came to say. So, you can sit and get this over with or you can argue with me and draw it out longer. It’s your choice.”

Yeah, some choice that is. “Fine, BETH! I’ll sit. But make this quick!”

I took a seat in a recliner so I could wrap my blanket around me and feel somewhat sheltered. Beth took the seat on the couch closest to me. My dad sat on a kitchen chair on the other side of me. Nate took his place behind Beth on the couch. I couldn’t help but notice how she reached for his hand and his other arm wrapped around her waist. How in the hell are they still together?? He fucked me in front of her; she’s ok with my sloppy seconds? How pathetic. Fuck this! Instead of just thinking all of what is running through my head, I say it loudly and angrily. I see Nate’s arm tighten around Beth and I know I’ve pissed him off. GOOD!

Beth sighs, but lifts her chin and her voice is firm, “Audrey, this isn’t about Nate or me. This is about you. Dad and I are here today because we love you. The Morgan Family is here to support me.” I notice that Mr. and Mrs. Morgan have taken kitchen chairs and moved them behind the couch. I’m embarrassed to have the Morgans here. Do they know what I did to Beth and Nate? I’ve always respected the Morgans. They seem to have a great marriage, everyone in town loves them, they have always been so proud and so caring with their sons; that’s something that I don’t think I could ever do with a retarded child like Nick.

“So what is this, Beth?
An intervention? I’m not on drugs. I don’t drink too much. I don’t have a hoarding or eating disorder. No intervention needed. I’m fine. Thanks for stopping by.” I looked at Beth and willed her to leave. No such luck. DAMN IT!

I’ve never been so proud of anyone in my life. Libby was so nervous going into this thing with Audrey. But she had done her research and she was ready to say what needed to be said and get Audrey the help she needed. I was just there to hold her hand and support her. It’s a good thing she didn’t need me to speak because if I started in on Audrey, I’m not sure I would have been able to stop

“Audrey, I love you. You’re my sister and I will never stop loving you. I’m angry and hurt about the way you’ve treated me over the years. I’m crushed over your most recent actions. But, no matter what, I’m your sister and I will always love you. I miss that sister friendship; I want that for us. But, we can’t be friends until you get help.”

“Fuck you, Beth! I don’t need help! I have a great life. I’m sorry your boyfriends can’t keep their dicks out of me! I’m sorry you’ll never be as good or as pretty as me.”

Captain Decker stepped in at that moment. “Audrey, I love you. I’m sorry that I wasn’t a good dad. I acted like I lost everything when I lost your mom. She would be ashamed of the way I parented you girls. I’m sorry. But, Elizabeth is right. You need help. I’ve got you a room at a center nearby. They will help you get through whatever it is that is causing you to lash out at others and at your sister.”

“Dad, I don’t need a room at a center! There’s nothing wrong with me! And, aren’t you a fine one to talk! You spent most of my life drunk and dead to the world. Isn’t it ironic that YOU want ME to go to rehab? If anyone has a problem, it’s YOU, Dad! Not me!” Audrey was almost hysterical by now. “Even if I needed help, even if I wanted it, I have a job. I can’t just leave it!”

This was the part that Libby had been dreading most because she knew it would be like a dagger to Audrey’s heart. “Audrey, you have two parties in the next month. You’ve already taken care of the planning part. I can fill in if needed. You’re going to close your business down for a while, a month or so. When you’re
back home from the center, you can start it back up again if you’re up to it. But, you will go to the treatment center.”

Audrey bristled and started screaming.
“Oh, yeah, Beth?!? Will I? Says who? YOU?? I’d like to see you make me!”

“Audrey, you will leave for the treatment center within the next 30 minutes, or I will destroy your business. I’m sorry to have to use this against you, but I love you so much, and I want, no NEED, you to get help so badly, that I’m willing to destroy the one thing I know you live for if it means that you get the help you need. Between me and the other people here we will tell a select few people in town about what you did to Nate and me. The sex trade, the drugs, the rape, the hurt, we will tell all of it. The rumors will flow freely and there’s not a single person in town who would ever ask you to plan their special celebration. Parents, new brides, moms-to-be, married couples…..no one wants a person who would trade sex for drugs, drug her sister and her boyfriend and then rape her sister’s boyfriend planning their happy day. So, Audrey, you have about 30 seconds to decide. You can stay here and watch as your business fails within the week or you can go get in the car with Dad and go to the treatment center. You can’t pack anything right now. They will provide what you need for now, and they will let us know when we can bring some of your personal items to you.”

Audrey stared at Libby with disbelief and hatred in her eyes. I watched as she debated calling Libby’s bluff, but then I saw the defeat in her eyes and the tears started to flow. “I hate you, Beth. I’ll go to the stupid center. I’m not doing it for you. I don’t love you and I will never be your friend or sister. I’m doing this for the only thing that is important to me, my business. You are nothing to me.”

Libby’s tears streamed down her face as she watched Audrey get in Captain Decker’s car and drive away.
I wrapped my arms around her and just held her for a while. Eventually, Mom and Dad came up and wrapped us both in their arms. “Elizabeth, I’m very proud of you. That was a very difficult thing to do. But, you stood up to Audrey, and you forced her hand. She will get the help she needs now. And that’s because of you.” My mom gave us both a final hug and she and Dad walked out the door.

Libby and I stayed long enough to clean up Audrey’s apartment a little and make sure her business voicemail and website indicated that her business was closed for the next month or so. Libby called the two people who had parties planned and told them an emergency had come up and offered any help she could provide if they needed anything. Luckily, Audrey kept passwords on a piece of paper, so it was easy to make sure all of her bills were caught up. Once we had the trash gathered and the dishes washed, it was almost lunch time. I offered Libby lunch, but she declined. I drove her home. This was sort of our will they or won’t they moment. Will we be able to get past this? Or had Audrey already destroyed us?

At her door, Libby asked me if I wanted to come in for tea. I would have never turned down tea with Libby. We spent the rest of the afternoon just cuddled on the couch drinking tea. We didn’t really talk much. We both fell asleep for a bit. When we woke Libby told me she thought she was going to read and head to bed early. “What’s next for us, Libby-girl?” With tears in her eyes, Libby shook her head. “I don’t know, Nate. I just don’t know.”

“Libby, I’ll understand if you don’t want to fight for this. I won’t like it because I don’t want to lose this. But, I will try to accept it if you think too much damage has been done. But, I want to ask you to please give it a couple days before you decide. Our emotions are so open and raw right now; today isn’t the best day to be making decisions. I want to fight for this, for us. I want to make this work. Maybe we push for us and find out it just won’t work, but I don’t want to give up without at least giving us a shot. Just give it a few days before trying to make decisions.”

Libby wrapped her arms around me and kissed my chin. She laid her head on my chest. “I promise I won’t decide just yet, Nate. Can we maybe run tomorrow? I think I’m going to need it. And, maybe we could take Nick to lunch? No matter what happens with you and me, I will always be your friend, and his. I can’t stand the thought of not having Nick in my life.”

The thought of Nicky without Libby in his life almost brought me to my knees. He would be almost as devastated as I would be. But, I clung to Libby’s words. She wasn’t giving up on us just yet. We still had a chance. I walked away from Libby’s apartment that day with a heavy yet hopeful heart.