How to Beat Up Anybody (16 page)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN:

DISABLE THE ATTACKER.

In this chapter, I will teach you how to beat up someone with one arm.
Not how to beat up someone by using only one of your arms, but how to beat up
someone who only has one arm. In these 3 photos, I’ve powered down to fight
at regular human strength. If I fought at full power, this one-armed assailant would
have no arms.

These 3 photos perfectly define Self-Offense. Self-Offense is one of the
most simple, effective, and practical forms of martial arts, designed to be used for
common everyday situations just like this. It’s been said many times that
“the best offense is a good defense.” I say, that in certain fight
situations, the opposite is true. The best defense is a great offense. Why wait for
your opponent to attack you? Attack first. “Initiate before getting
initiated.”
That’s one of the founding
principles of Self-Offense
.

All the photos in this section were taken 5 years ago. My clothes are
different because I was working undercover to fight crime in the suburbs.
To make myself completely unrecognizable, I put away my
World Champion clothes and wore a white hat, a tight shirt, and really tight
dark jeans instead
.
Really tight jeans make it
easier to carry and conceal weapons
because people never suspect that you
could hide a weapon in skintight clothes. But with proper technique, it’s
possible.

When I see a one-armed man walking down the street, right away, I know
there’s a 100% chance he’s looking for trouble. I know he’s a
warrior who’s been in a fight before. He’s already lost one arm. I
have nothing against a person with one arm. I treat everyone equally. His one arm is
very dangerous. It’s as powerful as 2 arms and
twice as angry
. His partial arm is also a threat because it can do
unusual harm with its unusual shape.

For your best learning experience, when you look at these photos,
pretend you are me, and pretend the one-armed assailant is a
one-armed assailant
.

The hedge clipper is a cheaper and better weapon than the sword. I never
buy swords. If I wanted a sword, I’d travel back in time, kill a gladiator,
and take one from him. This hedge clipper technique will not work against a 2-armed
opponent.

The one-armed man did not expect to be attacked by gardening equipment.
And that’s why he didn’t know how to defend against it. This sidewalk
confrontation is the most common encounter with a one-armed man. But it’s
also the easiest to win. There are many other much
more
treacherous situations than this one
.

Five minutes later . . . I went to do a security check on my
grandma’s backyard while she was away on vacation hunting in the mountains.
And I encountered
another one-armed man
who looked
exactly like the guy I just beat up with the hedge clippers. But I thought it
couldn’t be the same guy. So it must be his twin.
But
it can’t be his twin because he’s wearing different
clothes
. And twins always wear the same clothes. I didn’t have time to
solve this mystery. I had to dispose of this trespasser as quickly as possible.
Here’s what I did:

Photo 1:
As soon as I spot him, I get in
fighting position. I don’t want him to get the upper hand.

Photo 2:
I quickly throw an old pair of
my grandma
’s underpants that I found in the
hamper over his face. My grandma doesn’t have a laundry machine. She
washes her 2½ pairs of underwear by hand twice every
three years
.

Photo 3:
I grab a clay pot, which I’ve
previously modified by lining its inside with invisible iron that weighs 50 pounds.
Always have a spare modified clay pot
nearby
for backyard emergencies.

Photo 4:
I carefully slam the pot on his head
as hard as I can. If you’re not careful you might not cause a concussion.

Photo 5:
This is not a crotch kick. It’s a kick to his
full-length arm
. When kicking, use your arms in a swinging motion to help
you get more power.
90% of the power in your legs comes from
your arms
.

Photos 6 and 7:
I quickly pull a golf club out
of my pants. The golf club should be stored underneath the front of your pants going
down the front of your leg. I did not store it in my back pocket, because I still
have the hedge clipper hiding in there.

Photo 8:
I use the golf club baseball style.
Grip harder when you hit the target to create even more power.

Photo 9:
This hit to the head
has the power of 200 punches
. You now know 2 ways to
beat up a one-armed man. This move allows you to be the intimidator not the
intimidatee. This one-armed troublemaker is now incapacitated.

I leave my grandma’s backyard and a few minutes later . . . I
spot another one-armed guy. He must be the twin of the first one-armed guy I beat up
because he’s wearing the same clothes. Or maybe he’s a twin of the guy
I just beat up in my grandma’s backyard and the reason he’s wearing
the same clothes as the first guy is because he stole the first guy’s
clothes. And the first guy is laying helpless and naked on the sidewalk while the
neighborhood is wondering why a naked dude with one arm whose crotch is bleeding is
sunbathing on their sidewalk.

I’ll just consider him the 3rd twin. Here’s how I handled
him:

I DISABLE THE ONE-ARMED ASSAILANT WITH THE LEFT REAR TIRE OF AN
UNDERCOVER COP CAR THAT I STOLE.

IT’S OKAY TO STEAL A POLICE VEHICLE AS LONG AS YOU USE IT
FOR JUSTICE.

Self-Offense isn’t just punches and kicks. Sometimes it involves
smashing heads on the street with an automobile.

I leave the one-armed man on the street and quickly drive off and return
the undercover cop car to the police department.
They
thank me for stopping crime
. I then go to the local park to do some more
undercover security work.

Photo 1:
A couple minutes later, I discover
another one-armed assassin practicing lethal maneuvers with some kind of a circular
weapon.
He could be the fourth twin
. I approach
carefully. The further away a twin is from his original, the more dangerous he is.
He’s probably not as smart, but he’s definitely more psychologically
unstable and stronger. I still don’t know if all of these guys are twins. But
I don’t have time to investigate. I must enact Self-Offense immediately.

Photo 2:
This is the first one-armed man
I’m confronting who is armed. I must attack quietly and from an angle. He and
his weapon are moving at a rapid pace. So I must attack even faster.

Photo 3:
I grab the weapon and use it against
him. Because it’s a circle, this weapon has a
limitless amount of attack angles
. It’s much more dangerous than
a gun, which only has one dangerous angle: the front.

Photo 4:
Because the weapon is so powerful,
getting him to the ground was easy. I then step on his back and choke his neck with
the weapon at a precise angle so that neither his good arm nor his partial arm can
interfere. Choke hard so that he is unable to scream. In case this twin has more
twins, I don’t want them showing up.