How to Beat Up Anybody (19 page)

Attacks against women don’t just happen at night; they can happen in
broad daylight
too.

IT’S A BEAUTIFUL FALL DAY IN THE BIG CITY. YOU JUST GOT OFF WORK. AND YOU’RE FEELING SEXY.

BUT THE CITY HAS STREET SCUM LURKING BEHIND EVERY CORNER AND CREVICE.

DO NOT BLINDLY WALK DOWN THE STREET. USE YOUR PERIPHERAL VISION.

START SWINGING YOUR PURSE AFTER THE MUGGER JUMPS. HE WON’T BE ABLE TO CHANGE DIRECTION MIDAIR.

Warning: Never carry your purse around your neck—it can easily be used to choke you. Because the purse was over my shoulder, I was able to quickly deploy it as a weapon. And be alert. Many people become victims because they are self-absorbed and don’t notice their surroundings.

HIT THE ATTACKER WITH YOUR PURSE, WHICH YOU HAVE PRELOADED WITH BRICKS.

THEN HE WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE FOREVER.

YOUR PURSE IS A SEXY ACCESSORY AND AN INSTRUMENT OF DESTRUCTION.

YOUR ADRENALINE AND SURGING ESTROGEN LEVELS WILL GIVE YOU THE STRENGTH TO LIFT HIM WITH 1 HAND.

WHILE HE’S GROGGY, EMPTY THE BRICKS OUT OF YOUR BAG.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO LOOK SEXY AND FIGHT FEROCIOUSLY AT THE SAME TIME.

STICK YOUR RIGHT HAND OUT STRAIGHT FOR BALANCE.

With the purse covering his head, he won’t be able to determine your location,
even if you’re wearing a strong perfume
. In general, many men hate carrying a woman’s purse, but wearing it over their head is even more de-masculating.

DO A CLASSIC KARATE CHOP COMBINATION TO THE BALLS. ONE HAND FOR EACH NUT.

THIS WILL DEPLETE HIS TESTOSTERONE LEVELS.

PRETEND YOU’RE KICKING THROUGH 5 PAIRS OF NUTSACKS STACKED ONE BEHIND THE OTHER. THIS WILL ENSURE THAT YOUR KICK GOES DEEP INTO HIS PROSTATE.

PUT YOUR LEFT HAND ON THE GROUND AND YOUR RIGHT HAND ON THE LEDGE FOR SUPERIOR BALANCE AND POWER.

YOU’VE MURDERED HIS TESTOSTERONE AND HE WON’T HAVE THE URGE TO ATTACK EVER AGAIN.

LEAVE YOUR PURSE ON HIS HEAD. IT WILL SEND A MESSAGE TO ALL THE OTHER STREETSLIME OUT THERE TO NOT BOTHER WOMEN WHO DRESS LIKE SLUTS.

Other women’s self-defense books will tell you to dress down. They’re wrong. It’s your life, so it’s your right to
dress as slutty as you want
. When you look sexy as you’re beating up a man, he will get so confused he won’t know what to do.