How to Build a Fire: And Other Handy Things Your Grandfather Knew (23 page)

11
Hosting
•  •  •

Have fun and make other people happy, and good times will follow you wherever you go
.

Celebrate Good Times
•  •  •

“For a good party, you’ve got to have good cocktails. And you’ve got to make your guests feel like they’re at home. Welcome them, treat them well, and make sure they’re taken care of.”

—B
OB
K
ELLY

H
OW TO
T
HROW A
P
ARTY

Step 1:
Find something to celebrate. Sure, your birthday, your parents’ anniversary, your new house, new babe, or new job are all great excuses to plan a get-together, but you hardly need a monumental reason to entertain your friends. After all, what better occasion is there to celebrate than, oh, any old Friday, or Saturday, or National Pie Day? You can basically use anything as an excuse to round up your buds and have a good time.

Step 2:
Decide on details. Figure out the date, time, and location of your fête. While you’re at it, consider your budget, too.

Step 3:
Make your guest list. Depending on the location of the party and your budget, write down all the people you’d like to invite, and then give your list a once-over to make sure you’ve got a good mix. If you’re throwing the party in a small space, you may need to limit the number of people you’ll invite, or your guests will just be sweaty and miserable. If you’ve got a large area to fill, invite lots of folks to avoid awkward empty spaces. Figure about three out of every four people you invite will attend.

Step 4:
Invite your peeps. Your guests will get their first impression of your party from the invitation, so make it special. Paper invites, dropped in the mail about three weeks prior to the event, are the most special, but if you don’t have the time, or the budget, extend personal invitations via email or telephone to every guest. You want every person to feel important and valued, and mass invites, while convenient for you, just don’t do the job.

Step 5:
Plan your menu. Make a few grazing stations: meats, cheese and crackers, nuts, olives, chips and salsa. Make a few belly-filling foods, too, since you want your guests to stick around for the fun and not leave early in search of grub. Think protein, like baby meatballs; chilled, boiled shrimp; or anything with bacon. Mmm, bacon. While you’re planning your food, figure out what you’d like to serve to drink. Unless it’s a child’s birthday party, in which case you might have punch or juice, plan on having wine, beer, soda, and one signature cocktail, if not a full bar.

Step 6:
Shop. A few days before your party, hit the grocery and liquor stores for all your supplies, including food, drinks, party supplies (plates, silverware, glasses, decorations, candles), and, of course, toilet paper. Start making extra ice, too, if you don’t plan on buying it.

Step 7:
Clean up. You’ll have plenty of business to attend to on the day of the party, so don’t leave the dusting, vacuuming, and picking up of dirty socks and undies for last. Do it a few days ahead of time, and then try your darnedest not to mess up your place until the big day.

Step 8:
Prep your food. Make anything you can a day or two ahead of time, and pop those dishes in the refrigerator or freezer so you can just warm ’em up on the big night. If your drinks aren’t being chilled yet and you have room in the fridge, you might as well tuck them in there as well.

Step 9:
Make the finishing touches. On the day of the party, finish any cooking you need to do, set up your bar (don’t forget the ice and any garnishes for the drinks), and decorate your house. For classy affairs, nothing beats fresh flowers and tea lights on tabletops to set the mood.

Step 10:
Get yourself ready. Take a shower, get dressed, and wait for the guests to arrive. It’s your big day. Don’t forget to enjoy it!

More Handy Tips

• Music sets the mood of a party faster than anything else. Make your playlist well ahead of time, and consider the cadence of the party as you order your songs. In other words, save “Low” by Flo Rida for well after dark.
  
• As a host, it’s your responsibility to make sure every guest feels welcome. Keep one eyeball on the door, and be sure to personally greet everyone who attends. Keep your other eyeball on anybody standing awkwardly alone. Nobody likes to feel marooned at a party, so take it upon yourself to make everyone feel comfortable and loved.
  
• Stay in good form. It’s fine to have a good time as host, but don’t overdo it on the booze. You’ve got to be sharp enough to take care of your guests. They shouldn’t have to take care of you.
  
• Games can get a party off to a rollicking good start or even save some parties from slow death by boredom. Have a few in your back pocket, like charades, which you can whip out if necessary.
  

Mix It Up
•  •  •

“In the past, I could go out with the best of them. The first time I was in a bar, the bartender asked me, ‘What kind of cocktail do you want?’ I’d heard somebody say a 7 and 7. I didn’t know what it was but it sounded like something good to have. So, I ordered a 7 and 7, and he gave me one. ‘I’ll have a 7 and 7!’ I used to be able to say that with a lot of authority.”

—C
HUCK
T
ATUM

H
OW TO
T
END
B
AR

Step 1:
Stock your bar. With a few pieces of basic equipment, you’ll be able to mix just about any drink. Make sure you have: a bottle opener, an ice bucket and tongs, a cocktail shaker, a jigger, a long spoon, a muddler, a paring knife, and plenty of glasses.

Step 2:
Buy the good stuff. Any drink is only as good as the ingredients you put in it, so invest in decent liquor, especially if you plan on serving it neat, and always have plenty of real fruit on hand that you can use to either garnish your cocktails or make fresh juice. The difference between using freshly squeezed lemon juice and that stuff that comes in a plastic yellow lemon is immeasurable. Let’s just say both drinks will blow minds, but only one will do it in a good way.

Step 3:
Follow the recipe. Be precise with your measurements. Use a jigger, if you must, or practice pouring on your own until you can accurately eyeball your ounces. Also, shake or stir only as prescribed, or you risk clouding good liquor. As a rule of thumb, stir clear drinks and anything with bubbles. Shake cloudy drinks, which is usually anything mixed with fruit juice, cream, or sugar.

Step 4:
Memorize a few classic cocktails. While most people will order highballs, like gin and tonics or 7 and 7s (which is Seagram’s 7 whiskey and 7UP), it’s essential that you have a few decent drinks in your repertoire.

An Old-Fashioned:
Drop a sugar cube (or ½ teaspoon of sugar) in a heavy-bottomed, short tumbler. Add three dashes of Angostura bitters, and crush them together with a wooden muddler. Whirl your glass around so the sugar coats the inside. Add an ice cube, followed by 1½ ounces of bourbon. Add a lemon twist or—if you want to get super-fancy—a skewered cherry, orange slice, and pineapple chunk.

A Sidecar:
Pour three-quarter ounce of brandy, three-quarter ounce of Cointreau, and three-quarter ounce of fresh lemon juice into an ice-filled cocktail shaker and shake. Wet the rim of a stemmed cocktail glass and roll it on a small sugar-coated plate. Strain the liquor into the sugar-rimmed glass.

A Daiquiri:
Over an ice-filled shaker, squeeze the juice from half a lime. Add a teaspoon of powdered sugar and 1½ ounces of light rum. Shake vigorously, and strain into a stemmed cocktail glass.

A Gimlet:
Mix three ounces of gin with one ounce of Rose’s lime juice in an ice-filled cocktail shaker. Shake, and strain into a cocktail glass. (For a vodka gimlet, replace the gin with vodka.)

More Handy Tips

• Be generous with the ice, and always add your liquor to the cubes, not the other way around.
  
• Chill your glasses. After your guest orders a drink, fill the appropriate glass with ice and water (or just crushed ice) so it can chill while you mix the cocktail. Cold drinks should only be served in cold glasses.
  
• Serve all drinks with a cocktail napkin.
  
• If you want to taste the cocktail before handing it to your guest, don’t sneak a slurp. Instead, dip a straw into the shaker, put your finger over one end, and then release it into your mouth. Just don’t double-dip!
  

Clink Glasses
•  •  •

“If you have a dinner party, make a toast. Have a message. Here’s to a successful marriage, a successful new birth, a successful graduation. You give a toast because you’re wishing something for the person you’re toasting. A toast is a recognition.”

—B
ILL
H
OLLOMAN

H
OW TO
M
AKE A
T
OAST

Step 1:
Get your guests’ attention. If the room is large and loud, stand up at your table and gently tap your spoon against your glass. Those around you will soon join in until the room quiets down.

Step 2:
Take a deep breath. All eyes are on you, and since you called this attention to yourself, expectations will surely be high. Pray that your fly is zipped, and then relish the moment.

Step 3:
Make your speech. Introduce yourself, if not everyone knows you. Give thanks to your guest or guests for joining you in this celebration, if you’re the host. And then either share a short, sweet, or funny anecdote that relates to the cause of the celebration or cut straight to it and simply share your good wishes.

Step 4:
Raise your glass, and invite your guests to raise theirs with you. Then make a sincere, heartfelt wish for the person or people you’re toasting. You can never go wrong with, “Here’s to a wonderful _____!”

More Handy Tips

• Keep your drinking to a minimum until after you deliver your speech. Giving a drunken toast is not only embarrassing for you, but also annoying for your guests.
  
• Know what you’re going to say before you make your toast. It’s a celebration, not improv night at the comedy club.
  
• Toasts can be fun—and funny—but if you learned yours on spring break or it begins with, “There once was a girl from Nantucket,” save it for another time.
  

Come Again
•  •  •

“You get invited back if you make the hosts feel like the best hosts around. They want to be successful and they want you to have a good time and think
, Wow, I’d like to do it again!
If you treat them that way, you’ll be invited back.”

—F
RANK
W
ALTER

H
OW TO
B
E A
G
RACIOUS
G
UEST

Step 1:
Show up when you’re welcome. That means if a friend invites you over for dinner at 7
PM
, arrive at 7
PM
, no sooner, no later. Or if you’re visiting friends or family out of town, even if you know you have an open invitation to crash, call ahead of time to make sure it’s still all right.

Step 2:
Come bearing gifts. It doesn’t have to be anything major, but a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, a pound of locally roasted coffee, or something special from home will always start the visit off right.

Step 3:
Chip in. Don’t confuse being a guest with being a king, who expects to be waited upon at every turn. Get up off your duff and help out whenever possible. Offer to set the table, wash some dishes, or chip in with any necessary work that needs to be done. Oftentimes, your host will insist you relax, at which point do so, but only after you’ve volunteered your services.

Step 4:
Say thanks. Show your host your gratitude twice: Do it when you’re leaving and then be sure to send a thank-you card once you’ve gone. Follow these rules, and you’ll always be invited back.

More Handy Tips

• Know when it’s time to go. If the host start to yawn, turns on the lights, gets into his or her pajamas, or says, “Wow, it’s so late,” that’s your cue that you’ve already overstayed your welcome. Say thanks, grab your coat, and hightail it out of there.
  
• If you’ve stayed overnight, always strip your bed and toss your dirty sheets and dirty towels in the hamper.
  
• If your hosts tells you to make yourself at home, that doesn’t mean you should eat every last bit of ice cream in the freezer or walk around in your underwear. And for goodness’ sake, don’t ever do both at once!