How to Build a Fire: And Other Handy Things Your Grandfather Knew (18 page)

Mind the Details
•  •  •

“The little things matter: the handkerchief in the pocket, the tie, the cuff links. Cuff links give you style. Most of my shirts have them.”

—B
ILL
H
OLLOMAN

H
OW TO
W
EAR
C
UFF
L
INKS

Step 1:
Choose your shirt. If you want to bring your best to a formal party or just add a dash of dapper to an everyday outfit, a flashy pair of cuff links will do you fine. Since they take the place of buttons, you’ll need a special shirt: one with French cuffs, or giant cuffs with holes at the wrist instead of buttons.

Step 2:
Line up your holes. Put on your shirt and fold the cuffs in half. Make sure all four holes, two on each side, are in line and ready to receive the cuff link.

Step 3:
Insert your cuff link. If you’re using a swivel cuff link, turn the lever in line with the studs so that the link is straight, and stick it through all four holes. Once the stud emerges from the other side, pull the swivel out so it forms a T to secure your shirt. Repeat on the other arm.

Step 4:
Look in the mirror. Helllooo handsome!

More Handy Tips

• Cuff links should give a little flash, but shouldn’t steal the show. Match ’em up with your shirt or tie.
  
• You can buy expensive cuff links at high-end stores and fancy haberdasheries, but if you want to go retro you can often find good ones in your local thrift shop or flea market.
  
• The swivel post is the most common style of cuff link. Once you get the hang of them, you may want to experiment with button style (two “buttons” linked with a chain), clip cuff links (ornamental front and back that clip together inside), and knot cuff links (silk cord held together with knots).
  

Top It Off
•  •  •

“With every suit, I’d wear a different hat. I’d go to the mirror and look at myself. It’s got to tilt at just the right angle.”

—A
NGEL
R
ODRIGUEZ

H
OW TO
W
EAR A
H
AT

Step 1:
Check the mirror. To buy a lid that flatters your dome, you’ve got to take into account what you’ve got going on up there. Stare at your face in the mirror and say “Bloody Mary” three times. Just kidding. Don’t do that or a ghost might show up. Instead, look at the shape of your face. If you’ve got a long one, wear a hat with a big brim. If you’ve got a round mug, go for a short hat with a smaller brim. If you’ve got a square face, offset your angles with a big ol’ round topper.

Step 2:
Know the styles. Your hat says something about not only your sense of fashion, but also the way you perceive yourself. Match it to your outfit—and your personality.

The Fedora:
This sophisticated hat can be worn year-round (straw in summer, felt in winter). Hotties—think Frank Sinatra, Humphrey Bogart, Don Draper—prefer it tipped a bit to the side. Best for formal occasions. Or breaking hearts.

The Porkpie:
Buster Keaton, jazz great Lester Young, British punks—many rule breakers have donned the porkpie. Maybe it’s because the short-crowned hat with the short round brim makes you look more innocent than others might suspect.

The Panama:
Perfect for summer, this straw hat is classic, it’s lightweight, and it protects your head from the heat and sun. Pair it with a suit and you’re ready to make history, just like Teddy Roosevelt.

The Newsboy Cap:
Channel Gatsby and don this casual cap in cooler weather with a suit or sweater, or out on the golf course. Cock it to the side if you’re feeling jaunty.

The Hunting Cap:
Elmer Fudd may not be a style icon, but at least his ear flaps are keeping him toasty. A leather-and-fur number (pleather-and-faux-fur, if you prefer) works with suits, and plaids can be rocked when you’re off the clock.

Step 3:
Tilt it just so. If you’re all business, wear your hat with the brim evenly pointing forward in the middle of your forehead. If you’re a freewheelin’ kinda guy, or you’re pairing your hat with jeans and a T-shirt, tilt it back a bit to flash those baby blues (or greens or browns or hazels). If you’re feeling mysterious, or you’re in hiding from the feds, pull your cap down a bit lower on your forehead and tip it to the side.

Step 4:
Mind your manners. If you’re a man, always remove your cap whenever you enter a restaurant, a church, or any room of any building. Of course, keep it off while you eat, work, pray, or sing (or mouth the words to) the national anthem. And tip or raise it when passing a beautiful woman on the street. If you’re a woman, lucky you. You don’t have to remove your hat at any time (not even in church), which doesn’t seem quite fair to the lads. Of course, men don’t have to shave their legs, either, so you win some, you lose some. You win at hats.

More Handy Tips

• A professional hatter—the guy who actually makes them by stretching the felt over a wooden block, not the guy who sets them on top of Styrofoam heads in the mall—will help you find the perfect hat for your face and style. Trust him, and pony up. A good hat will last you forever.
  
• If you can’t find a fancy hat store, make your way to the nearest thrift shop for a retro find. Just bring an outspoken but kind friend who can steer you in the right direction.
  
• Try different styles. Don’t wear a newsboy cap or a cowboy hat every single day of your life to every event in your life. Branch out.
  

Look Sharp
•  •  •

“Dress well. Dress the best you can! It means that you represent something.”

—A
NGEL
R
ODRIGUEZ

H
OW TO
D
RESS FOR A
D
ATE

Step 1:
Check your inventory. Stand in front of your closet and take a good honest look at what you’ve got to work with. Then take everything you’ve already worn and put it in the hamper and don’t even consider reaching for anything made of sweat-suit material. Hopefully, once you eliminate the dirties and the sweats, you’ve got a few tops, bottoms, and jackets left.

Step 2:
Step it up. You want your date to know that you put in extra effort to look your best. So don’t wear what you always wear every single day or what you’ve already been wearing all day long. To look fine (and, let’s be frank, kissable), you’ve got to take your style, whatever that happens to be, up a notch. If you’re a prep, put on trousers, a button-down shirt, and maybe even a jacket. If you’re a jock, wear your best jeans and try a shirt with a collar. If you’re a goth, put on a fresh coat of black nail polish and slip a rose into your trench-coat pocket. Hey, whatever works.

Step 3:
Put your best foot forward. Do not show up for a date in ratty, old, smelly, grass-stained sneakers. Make sure your kicks are fresh and, if necessary, polished.

Step 4:
Practice the ol’ “How you doin’?” in the bathroom mirror a few times, to get your confidence up, before you go. That’s right, “How you doin’?” Uh-huh.

More Handy Tips

• Never wear flip-flops or sandals on a date, unless you’re going to the beach and you’ve recently cut your toenails. Even then, it’s iffy.
  
• Always shower and shave before a date, and put on clean undies even if you think the ones you already have on are okay.
  
• A dab of cologne is nice, but don’t overdo it, Romeo. See
  this page
  for advice on how to put on just the right amount.
  
• Be yourself, and look like your best you. Never dress like someone else, unless of course you’re going to a costume party.
  

Clean Up
•  •  •

“Don’t push your clothes down tight in the washer. Don’t overload the dryer, either. When you’re done, your clothes will smell better than this shirt I’ve got on.”

—P
HILIP
S
POONER

H
OW TO
D
O
L
AUNDRY

Step 1:
Memorize this page. Laundry may be boring business, but you’ve got to learn how to do it, unless you want to live with your mom forever, pay expensive weekly laundry bills, or wear gray holey undies for the rest of your life. Scared? Good. Read on.

Step 2:
Sort it out. Pull everything out of your hamper and divide your dirties into three piles on the floor: whites, dark colors, and reds. You’ll wash each load separately to keep your colors bright and your whites white. As you’re sorting, check the pockets to make sure they’re empty—and check the tags, too, looking for any clothes that say
DRY CLEAN ONLY
. Set those fancy duds aside.

Step 3:
Fill the washer. Toss, don’t pack, your dirty clothes into the washing machine. If you try to stuff too much stuff in there, the soap and water won’t have room to circulate and all of your clothes will be as filthy at the end of the cycle as they were at the beginning. Also, you might break your washer. If everything doesn’t fit in one load, do a second. No big wup.

Step 4:
Add soap. Most home washers (and every public washer at the Laundromat or in your dorm or apartment building) can handle regular laundry soap, but some washers require high-efficiency soap. If you’re not sure which kind yours takes, check the manual. Then add some bubbly. If your washer has a specially marked spot for soap, well, pour it in there then. If not, pour it directly onto your dirty clothes. How much soap depends on which kind you’re using. Just read the back of the bottle for the precise measurement.

Step 5:
Set the temp. Wash whites in hot water, and colors in warm or cold.

Step 6:
Wait. Go do something else for an hour, like have a cocktail (
this page
) or clean your house (
this page
) (or both), while your clothes clean themselves. See? This isn’t too hard now, is it?

Step 7:
Dry your clothes. When the wash cycle finishes, transfer your damp clothes to the dryer, being sure to separate any clothes that are labeled
LAY FLAT TO DRY
or
LINE DRY
. Also, set aside any items that already fit a little too snugly, as drying could cause them to shrink. Hang those up accordingly. Once you’ve put all of your dryables in the dryer, add a sheet of fabric softener, and start the cycle on
MEDIUM
to avoid overdrying or wrinkles.

Step 8:
Put it away. After your clothes are dry, take them out of the dryer immediately and hang them up or fold them and put them away. (If you leave them in the dryer overnight, they’ll wrinkle and you’ll either have to iron everything or start all over again.)

More Handy Tips

• If your clothes, no matter the color, are only slightly dirty, you can shave a few bucks off your gas or electric bill and wash them in cold water.
  
• To make your whites whiter, add bleach to your wash, following the instructions on the bleach and your machine.
  
• If you want your threads to be extra-soft, add liquid fabric softener, again following the instructions.
  
• If you want to skip a step, get the detergent with fabric softener or bleach included; just be sure to always use color-safe detergents or all your colors will fade.
  
• If you have a clothesline (or two trees and a rope), hang your clothes outside to dry. You’ll save on electricity costs, and your clothes will smell like pure sunshine.
  

Go to Press
•  •  •

“A guy looks sharper if he’s in ironed clothes. When I was in the CCC [Civilian Conservation Corps], I had a side job. I used to iron shirts for fifteen cents and pants for ten cents. I’d have to put three pleats in the back and one on each pocket. We had no electricity, so you had to heat the irons on a stove. Later, I used to iron my daughter’s pleated skirts for school. One day, the nun said to her, ‘Boy, your mother does a good job!’ She said, ‘My dad does it!’ I was so proud.”

—A
L
S
ULKA

H
OW TO
I
RON A
S
HIRT

Step 1:
Set up your ironing board in a clean, uncluttered spot next to an outlet. Fill your iron with water and plug it in. Crank it to the appropriate temperature, as recommended on the label of your shirt. If your iron is too hot, you’ll torch your shirt. Too cold, and you’ll lose the war on wrinkles.

Step 2:
Pop the collar as if it were 1983. Lay your unbuttoned shirt, faceup, on the board and spread the collar flat. Using small circular motions, iron the collar from the center toward each point. Flip it and repeat.

Step 3:
Do the yoke. Pull the shoulder of your shirt over the pointy end of the board, and iron the piece of material that connects the collar to the body. Switch shoulders and repeat.

Step 4:
Smooth the sleeves. Grab the right one and, aligning the seam along the underarm, from pit to cuff, spread it flat on the board. Work your iron in tiny circles from the shoulder to (but not over) the cuff.

Step 5:
Cock the cuffs. Spread them flat and iron from the sleeve’s seam to the edge. Flip it and repeat. If you have folded cuffs, fold now and iron just the crease.

Step 6:
Iron the front and back. If you’re right-handed, drape the right panel of your shirt’s front over the board, collar toward the pointy end, allowing the rest of the shirt to hang in front of you. (If you’re a lefty, start with the left front panel.) Work your iron in small circular motions from the top to the tail. Rotate the shirt over the board to iron the back. Rotate again to iron the front left panel.

Step 7:
Wear immediately or hang on a hanger, preferably a wooden one.

More Handy Tips

• If you don’t have an ironing board, a hard flat surface, covered with a clean dry towel, will do in a pinch.
  
• Iron only clean shirts. If you try to press a dirty one, you’ll just set in the stains forever.
  
• Spritz stubborn wrinkles with a water bottle before ironing.
  
• To iron around buttons, poke the point of your iron, held flat, between each, angling up and down with every pass. Don’t plow over them or they could break.