How to Build a Fire: And Other Handy Things Your Grandfather Knew (15 page)

Circle Up
•  •  •

“It’s very hard to ask for help. A good deal of independence is well worthwhile, but if you have someone who you know or suspect can give you help or advice, you’re not being fair to yourself if you don’t take it.”

—F
RANK
W
ALTER

H
OW TO
A
SK FOR
H
ELP

Step 1:
Speak up. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t suffer in silence. Instead, hold your head high, take a deep breath, and reach out to someone you trust. It may be difficult to do, but opening up to a friend will make you feel supported and her feel valued. It’s a win–win situation.

Step 2:
Be specific about your needs. Do you require sympathy, guidance, or action? You’ll be more likely to get what you need if you ask for it directly.

Step 3:
Say thanks. Let your buddy know you’ll return the favor anytime.

Step 4:
Feel proud. By seeking help, you’ve not only come closer to solving your problem, but you’ve also demonstrated tremendous resourcefulness and bravery. Pound your chest a few times, or pump your fist in the air. You rock!

More Handy Tips

• If you’re really struggling, try helping someone else. Not only will you feel instantly empowered, but you’ll also gain confidence in your own problem-solving abilities.
  
• Don’t look for a quick fix (or all the answers) from your confidant. Know that the most he can do is guide you toward change—you’ll have to do the rest yourself.
  

Stay Mum
•  •  •

“I’m a professional bitcher. I’ve opened my mouth sometimes when I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry about it. But other times, I wish I’d said more.”

—P
HILIP
S
POONER

H
OW TO
K
NOW
W
HEN TO
K
EEP
Q
UIET

Step 1:
Judge your words. If you don’t have anything nice to say, you know what to do. Same goes for if you don’t have anything interesting to add to the conversation. Talking just to hear yourself talk or to have all eyes on you is not a good enough excuse to open your piehole, especially if you have no knowledge of the subject matter. You’ll only annoy those around you, and make yourself look like a fool.

Step 2:
Keep secrets. Gossips usually spill the beans for one of two reasons: They either want to make themselves feel special by being in the know, or they want to cash in on a secret in order to forge a relationship with the listener. Both excuses are terribly lousy. There are better ways to feel good and make friends than to sell someone else out. Besides, your listener will eventually forget the secret you told, but will always remember that you told it. Never talk behind someone’s back.

Step 3:
Learn. If the conversation has gone over your head or you’re jumping in late, listen to see what you can absorb. No one will know you’re out of your depth unless you show them. By keeping quiet or asking questions, you’re giving yourself a chance to catch up.

More Handy Tips

• If you can’t keep a secret, don’t let anyone tell you one in the first place.
  
• If you’re an expert, don’t be afraid to speak up when it’s appropriate—but even then, measure your comments. No one likes a know-it-all.
  
• When in doubt, smile.
  

Say Sorry
•  •  •

“Whenever I had something on my mind, I had to get it off my conscience. If I did something I knew my mother wouldn’t appreciate, rather than stew, I’d admit up to it right away so I got it off my chest. It’s the best way to be. If I ever hurt somebody, I don’t know if I could live with that.”

—B
OB
K
ELLY

H
OW TO
A
POLOGIZE

Step 1:
Buck up. Saying sorry is one of the hardest things to do, mostly because doing so is an admission of your mistake. Don’t shy away from it. Instead, meet it the same way you’d meet a triumph: head-on.

Step 2:
Take responsibility. Think hard about what you did and why you did it without laying the blame on anyone else. Only by taking responsibility for your actions can you guarantee to yourself, and to the person you harmed, that you won’t repeat the mistake in the future.

Step 3:
Empathize. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Think even harder about the hurt you caused her and what it felt like, without blaming her for her own pain. Tell the person you understand how much you hurt her and let her know how much you regret what you did.

Step 4:
Choose your method. A face-to-face apology is always best. But if you can’t because of distance or circumstance, a long letter will do. If you want to be taken seriously, don’t apologize by shooting off a quick email or leaving a curt voice mail—neither make it seem like you spent any time thinking about what you did wrong.

Step 5:
Promise that it won’t happen again. And mean it.

More Handy Tips

• Don’t ruin a perfectly good apology with a “but.” If you add an excuse or lay blame, you’re not taking responsibility for yourself, and your apology loses its worth.
  
• Create an apology to match the situation. If you bump into an office colleague in the hallway, a simple “Oops, I’m sorry” works wonders. If you’ve done irreparable damage to someone, a simple “Hey dude, sorry ’bout that!” email won’t do.
  
• Don’t say you’re sorry unless you mean it. An insincere apology just causes more harm.
  

Lead the Pack
•  •  •

“Dogs are loyal. You come home in the evening and, no matter what, they express their joy at having you back.”

—B
UCK
B
UCHANAN

H
OW TO
T
EACH
Y
OUR
D
OG TO
S
IT AND
S
TAY

Step 1:
Pick a spot. Walk or run your pooch to a quiet place to train. Make sure he has already exercised so he’s calm and not yet eaten so he’ll be interested in his treats.

Step 2:
Motivate him. Hold a treat right in front of his nose. Then slowly move the treat farther up, so that in order to get it he’ll have to lean his head back, point his nose up, and lower his hindquarters.

Step 3:
Reward him. After he sits, give him the treat, along with a pat on the head and a hearty “Good boy!” If he pops up immediately, repeat step 2. Only give him a treat when his bum is firmly planted on the ground, and only proceed to step 4 when he offers to sit the moment you extend your hand.

Step 4:
Repeat steps 1 through 3, saying “Sit” each time. Once he gets the hang of it, praise him each time he sits, but reward him with a treat only every third time. He’ll begin to learn that he’ll be praised if he sits upon command.

Step 5:
Make him stay. After he gets the whole sitting-thing down, instead of rewarding him immediately, command “Stay.” Stand still, wait a few beats, and if he remains seated, reward him with a treat.

Step 6:
Add duration. Repeat step 5, increasing the amount of time he has to stay with each command. Remember to praise him if he does what you ask.

Step 7:
Add distance. Once he understands “Stay,” take a step away from him with each subsequent attempt. Eventually, he’ll sit and stay, no matter how long you wait or far you walk, until you release him.

More Handy Tips

• Don’t get frustrated if your dog doesn’t learn immediately. Take the time, make it fun, be consistent, repeat the command, and always provide positive feedback. Stick to it.
  
• Don’t punish your dog for something he hasn’t learned or doesn’t understand. You’re his pack and his leader, so instead take it upon yourself to see that he
  does
  learn.
  
• Keep your training sessions short, and master one easy command at a time. Then you can move on to more difficult commands.
  
• Training with your dog is good for him. It gives him exercise, challenges, and a “job” that keeps him happy.
  
• Having a well-behaved dog means you can take him more places without worry, and makes for a happier life for you both.
  

7
Playing
•  •  •

The lessons you learn on the field—teamwork, respect, perseverance—will inform the rest of your life. Plus, you’ll have fun
.

Tee Up
•  •  •

“I’ve played golf all my life. Since I was a young boy, I always wanted to be a winner. If I was a winner, I was a hero. I wanted to be a hunk and make an impression on the girls. I wanted to be an excellent performer at anything I tried, and I was always trying!”

—B
UCK
B
UCHANAN

H
OW TO
D
RIVE A
G
OLF
B
ALL

Step 1:
Take a deep breath. Especially if you’re hitting off the first hole, all eyes are going to be on you. The people behind are watching to see if you’ll slice it, and hold them up all day, and the people in the clubhouse are watching to see if you’ll hook it, thus consoling them for their own lousy rounds. Don’t let the pressure get to you. Stay loose, keep your head down, and focus on that teeny white ball. And remember, you’re here to have fun.

Step 2:
Tee up your ball. If you want it to soar higher or you’re hitting with the wind, tee it up so the midpoint of the ball sits at the top of the driver’s head. If you want it to sail lower or if you’re hitting into the wind, tee it up lower.

Step 3:
Get a grip. Place your left hand on the handle of the club so the heel of your hand is at the heel of the club, and gently wrap your fingers around it. When you look down, the V that forms between your thumb and index finger should generally be in line with the club. Then add your right hand to your grip the same way, sliding your right hand up until your right pinkie overlaps with your left index finger. If you want to get fancy, you can even interlock your pinkie and pointer.

Step 4:
Set yourself up. Approach the ball and stand with your feet slightly wider than hip-width, knees slightly bent, so the ball is lined up with the instep of your left foot and your shoulders and feet are perpendicular to the line you’d like the ball to travel. You’re in the right spot if you can draw a straight line between the ball and your left shoulder.

Step 5:
Swing back. Keeping your head down, your eye on the ball, and your left arm straight, swing your club back by shifting your weight onto your back foot, turning your hips, and rotating your left shoulder toward your right foot. Your hands should come above your right ear, and your club head should be high in the air, not behind you. After all, it’s golf, not baseball.

Step 6:
Swing through. Without lifting your head, allow your club to follow its natural arc. As you swing, shift your weight to your front foot and allow your back foot to pivot after impact. The club will hit the ball at the beginning of your upswing, so be sure to follow through fully.

More Handy Tips

• These instructions are for right-handers. If you’re a lefty, switch.
  
• Physics, not muscle, moves a golf ball. Don’t try to power through your swing. Just swing slowly and let the club do the work for you.
  
• Keep your grip loose. Strangling your club will kill your hands, and your swing.
  
• Hit the driving range before you hit the fairway to work out any kinks in your stroke.