More Letters From a Nut (38 page)

Washington Sports, USAir Arena, Landover, MD 20785

INVOICE

December 12, 1996

Attn: Ted L. Nancy

**Please make checks payable to the Washington Capitals**
Attn: Eric Shuster

Dear Mr. Shuster,

Thank you very much for sending me information on tickets and a seating chart for the Washington Capital Hockey team, my favorite hockey team. I am sorry I am so tardy in writing back but I have been part of a religious retreat in San Diego and am now just getting my bearings back. Whooo!

I am looking at your seating chart, and I am starting to notice that your seating chart looks just like my dental chart. It is very similar. Where your seats in section #204 are in the bottom right part of my mouth, I have a deep cavity. I also have a crown where your section #127 is, in the middle of my mouth to the right. In addition, on the other side, where your seats in section #11 are, I have just had a scraping done and a cap put in. Also, section #115, near the basket, I have had gum surgery there. Thought you’d like to know.

Please tell me if there any seats left in section 216? I have had NO dental work done there. Also, I like to sit in the back with my religious garb on.

Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you soon with my Washington Capitals seating information. And I could show you my dental chart if you want to see it. The coincidence is uncanny. Go Capitals!

Respectfully,

Ted L. Nancy

Dear Alaska Railroad,

I am planning my first train trip. Here is my problem. I am under 5 foot 1 inch but I have size 31 feet. This makes seating arrangements uncomfortable. Can special arrangements be made for my feet?

Do you think Alaska Railroad can accommodate me? Friends of mine have raved about how accomidating Alaska Railroad can be especially where their feet are involved. It is important that I found out in advance before I get to the train and have to squeeze my large feet in sideways.

If possible, I would prefer a private compartment and would pay extra to rent one exclusively to avoid unnecessary contact to those who might like to strike up a conversation about them. It looks like I’m wearing clown shoes and they are noisy because large shoes tend to slap against any floor surface. Sometimes I need a balance bar.

Please send me your entire schedule for the United States, and tell me how you can accommodate my feet.

Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you soon as I MUST make my travel and feet arrangements.

Respectfully,

Ted L. Nancy

October 17, 1996

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Thank you for your letter requesting special accommodations for your large feet. Unfortunately, we do not have private compartments available. If you are still interested in traveling with us, please let me know and we will send you our 1997 brochure which has our 1997 schedule.

Sincerely,

Deborah L. Hansen

Director, Passenger Services