More Than Miles (A Lost Kings MC Novel) (28 page)

“Exactly,” Rock says, pointing at me.

“Oops, sorry. Should I pretend to be outraged when he comes back?”

Again, Rock laughs, then pulls her closer and whispers in her ear something that sounds an awful lot like, “Do you need to be fucked?”

“For fuck’s sake, prez,” I grumble. “Take that to your house, would ya?”

He grins and slaps my arm, while a red-faced Hope laughs.

“Do I even want to know?” Wrath asks, walking up and tapping the side of the couch with his boot to get Rock’s attention.

“Probably not,” I answer.

Hope flashes a wicked grin before asking, “Feel like playing security guard to porn stars?”

Wrath’s gaze darts to Rock. “Uh,
no
. The only thing worse than babysitting strippers is babysitting porn stars.” His forehead wrinkles. “Why?”

“Sway’s investing in porn,” I explain.

He turns around and leaves the room without another word.

“Well, I guess Wrath won’t be signing up for that job,” Hope jokes.

“You’re full of it tonight, aren’t you?” Rock asks.

“I may have had some wine with Trin earlier,” she confesses.

I’m wracking my brain, trying to come up with a subtle way to ask about her going shopping with Heidi, but finally give up and just blurt it out. “Have you seen Heidi?”

All humor disappears from her face. “Actually, yes. I took her shopping today.”

“How is she?” I ask, trying to hide my eagerness and failing miserably.

Her green eyes blink under worried brows and she glances at Rock, as if asking whether she should answer the question. “We found a dress,” she says softly.

I can’t stand her feeling sorry for me, so I swallow down the pain in my throat and force a smile. “That’s good. I’m sure she looked beautiful.”

She doesn’t say anything else, so I attempt to shift the conversation. “I heard Teller was a dick to her.”

“I think he’s having a hard time with his little sister getting married.”

“Aren’t we all?” I mutter.

T
oday’s the day.

I wake up sick to my stomach. Not from alcohol, which I haven’t touched since Arizona. Not from having a strange girl in my bed—I’m alone. No, I’m ill from the sounds in the hallway. Happy, girlish voices.

Heidi and her friends. Hope and Trinity. They’re using Hope and Rock’s old room right down the hall to get Heidi ready for the wedding.

This is it. My last chance to convince Heidi not to do this.

Dex catches me outside my bedroom door. My intentions must be clear, because he holds out his fist. “You got this, bro.” I bump his knuckles.

I run into Hope next. “Can you buy me a few minutes to talk to Heidi?” I ask.

She stares at me for a minute. “You’re not going to upset her, are you?”

“I don’t want to. I just need to talk to her for a minute.”

“Okay. She’s almost ready. I’ll grab Penny and have her help me downstairs.”

“Thank you.”

Once I have the all-clear, I slip into the room. Heidi glances up. She seems startled to find me instead of Hope or one of her girlfriends.

“Murphy? W-what’s—what are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you.”

Her bottom lip wobbles. “About what?”

I take a few steps closer, drinking in all the beautiful details about her. Hating that everything is for another man. The right words won’t come to me, but if I don’t say something, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.

“Please don’t do this.” There. It’s out. I can’t believe I fucking said it.

The tears threatening to fall when she meets my eyes make me feel like shit. But I said it, so I better fucking finish before I lose her for good.

“I love you. I’ve always loved you. We can work things out between us.” My voice is rough from fear and the unfamiliar sound of begging.

“Blake, I love you, too.”

Thank God.

“As a friend.”

Fuck me.

My mouth opens to plead my case again, but she cuts me off. Her cheeks are red but the shine is gone from her eyes. “I can
not
believe you have the arrogance to come here on my wedding day and do this to me.”

What the what?

“How many more ways should I explain it? I love Axel. We’re getting married. If you’re really my friend, you’ll sit in the front, with the rest of the family, and be happy for me.”

“Heidi—”

Her fists ball up and she stomps her foot. It reminds me of all the times she did it in the past, and I’d laugh because it was so fucking cute.

It’s not cute now. It feels like life or death. “Just stop!” Shit. She yells any louder, everyone’s gonna come running up here. “Can you do it or not?” she asks in a quieter voice.

“What?”

“Be happy for me.”

“No.”

She reels back as if I slapped her and sucks in a deep breath. “Then you should leave.”

“How can you expect me to be happy about watching the woman I love marry another man?”

“You don’t love me in that way.”

There are lots of things I’m on the fence about. Heidi has never been one of them. “I love you in every single way.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” she insists. But her voice sounds forced, as if she’s trying to convince herself.

I take a step closer. “You’re wrong. I know
everything
about you.”

She shakes her head while her mouth curves into a sad smile. “You know the pain-in-the- ass kid sister, the girl who annoyed you with her crush on you—”

“You never annoyed me.”

She snorts. “I’ll never be the kind of girl you want.”

“You’re already the girl I want. Just the way you are. I love the woman you’ve become. I love how strong you are. How fearless.” I reach out to brush a loose strand of hair off her cheek and she flinches. “I love your beautiful face.”

“You just want to cross me off your list and move on—”

“Jesus. How can you say that? You’re the one who doesn’t know me.”

“Yeah, I do. You’re the big manwhore who should probably be dipped in a vat of Lysol along with my brother.”

I should be insulted, but I can’t help chuckling. Heidi laughs, too, but there’s no joy in it. “Heidi, can you be reasonable for one second? I’m eight years older than you. What did you want me to do? Half the time I was just trying to forget about you.”

She makes this groaning sound of disgust. Apparently, she didn’t find my admission flattering.

“What about our ride? Our spring break trip?”

“I can’t. At the time, I thought maybe we could—but now. I can’t.” Her gaze slides to the door and her teeth nibble at her bottom lip. For a brief second, I’m almost sure she’s about to say fuck it and leave the clubhouse with me. Forget all about the wedding. Bye-bye, so long, Axel.

Then, she opens her mouth and rests her hand over her stomach. The pain in my chest threatens to crush me, whatever she’s about to say will shred every last bit of hope I’m clinging to. “I’m pregnant. We’re having a baby. Axel and I are having a baby,” she whispers.

A thousand emotions and memories slam into me at once. Heidi begging me to play dolls with her when she was little. How scared she must be right now. How much I want to murder Axel.

Why this wedding happened so suddenly.

It takes a few seconds to process the news that Heidi’s going to be a mother, but my response is automatic. “It doesn’t matter to me. You don’t have to marry him because of—I—”

She cuts me off before I explain that I have enough love for her and ten children. “He proposed before we found out. I said yes
before
we found out,” she says more forcefully.

I struggle to come up with another argument. Anything to stop her from making a huge mistake out of fear. “Does Marcel know?”

Her cheeks redden and she lowers her gaze. “No. And if you’re really my friend, if you really care about me, you’ll let me tell him on my own when I’m ready.”

Fuck that
are the words on the tip of my tongue. But I stop myself. If I break her trust and tell her brother, it will make every shitty thing she thinks about me true. Even if she’s marrying someone else, I love her too much to have her hate me.

“I won’t say anything. I promise.”

She meets my eyes briefly. “Thank you.”

Someone knocks on the door and my throat closes tight.

Time’s up.

My chest’s ripping apart. Despair like I’ve never known burns through my veins. I’ve used every last argument, and I’m still losing the person I love more than anything. I’m all out of words.

Heidi takes a few deep breaths and swipes under her eyes before calling out, “Come in.”

“Are you almost ready, honey?” It’s Hope. I can’t turn around and face her. Can’t let her see how I laid out my heart to Heidi.

And it didn’t change a thing. She’s still marrying him.

There’s nothing left for me to say.

My heart pounds so hard, I’m positive Murphy can hear it. Our eyes meet and hold. It takes every ounce of self-control not to curl my hands into his flannel shirt and ask him to take me away.

No matter what he said earlier, saddling him with a kid that’s not his is a horrible thing to do. To him and to my baby. My mother tried it several times, and I always suffered because of it.

And I love Axel. I do.

I’m barely even aware of Hope in the room as Blake shakes his head, turns and walks out the door. I can’t take any air into my lungs, knowing I hurt him.

Lied to him.

“Heidi?”

I gasp, struggling to draw in a breath, and tears well up.

“Honey, please don’t cry. We don’t have time to re-do your makeup.” Hope pulls me into a hug, and I try not to smudge my makeup off on her pretty dress.

“I—I hurt Murphy. I didn’t want to hurt him.”

“I know you didn’t. He’ll be…fine.” There’s a catch in Hope’s voice, as if she doesn’t believe her own words, and it cuts me even deeper.

My pathetic sniffles fill the room, but I manage to somehow keep any tears from rolling down my perfectly blushed and glowing cheeks.

“I told him about the baby,” I whisper.

“Oh boy,” Hope mutters.

“He promised not to tell my brother.”

She nods. “Then he won’t.”

“It doesn’t matter if he does. I hate that I hurt him.”

“I know.”

“I don’t even think he cared, Hope. When…when I told Axel, he was
so
angry with me. But—”

“Heidi?”

Too late, I realize what I just admitted.

“Never mind. I better get out there.”

She bites her bottom lip and then opens her mouth, but someone knocks on the door before she says anything.

“Hi, beautiful bride!” Hope’s friend Mara says as she walks in. Her husband’s a judge and will be performing the ceremony. I spent a lot of time with Mara when we were getting ready for Hope’s wedding and like her a lot. She’s really sweet and never talks to me like I’m a dumb kid.

She embraces me and kisses my cheek. “You’re beautiful. Are you ready?”

“I think so.”

Hope’s still wearing her worried expression. “Heidi, let’s take a minute—”

“No. Hope, it’s fine. Will you tell Uncle Rock I’m ready?”