Stay (2 page)

“It’s nothing.”

He took a deep breath and then exhaled, kissing the
corner of my mouth, then the other side. “I know you, Mags. I know
you better than you know yourself. Let me fix whatever it is that’s
bothering you?” I wanted to cry and tell him everything. I wanted
him to fix it like he always did, but this was the one thing he
couldn’t fix. And I wasn’t sure if he’d ever understand. Or be able
to look at me the same way once he knew everything.

Luke hadn’t taken his eyes off of me, so I held back
the tears. “I love you for wanting to try, but you can’t this
time.” He cocked his head scanning my face for a minute before he
spoke again. “Is it school? Are you doing okay?”

I shook my head. “School’s fine.”

Luke grinned. “I almost forgot.” He pushed away from
me, shuffling over to his desk, and rifled through a bunch of
papers. He pounced back on the bed like an excited kid on Christmas
morning. “I got something for you. Well, I did some investigation
for you.” He held the manila folder over his head, making me reach
out for it. “Before I give this to you, you need to promise me not
to get all pissy.”

I rolled my eyes. “I promise.”

He bent over and kissed me quickly on the nose.
“Okay. And I love you. So, I think you should do this for the fall
semester or they have some summer courses too.” I opened the
folder, quickly scanning the brochures. The French Pastry School
here in Chicago. Tears welled in my eyes, going over the different
things I could study, the books, the fact that they had no housing
on campus, the tuition. It was expensive. I already knew this since
I’d checked into this school two years ago, but the city wasn’t far
enough of an escape.

Luke patiently waited for me to finish before saying
anything. Once I was finally able to look up into his eyes, he
smiled. “I know it’s a lot of money, but we could do some research
on financial aid and it would mean you could live downtown. You’d
be closer to me, and we wouldn’t just see each other on the
weekends, or the occasional ‘I need to see Maggie right now’
nights. Besides, I’ll be living at the house, so you could stay
with me as much as you want.”

He studied my face. I was still speechless that he
thought of all this. But, I didn’t know why it would surprise me.
Luke always knew the right thing to do, the things that made me
happy. I smiled, tears filling my eyes. “Hey, c’mon. I didn’t do
this to make you cry. You’re supposed to be happy.”

I lifted up on my elbows, dropping the folder to the
side. “Don’t ever forget that I love you, okay? I’ll always love
you, Luke.”

He watched me for a beat, smiling. “Never.” Luke
kissed me so gently that I barely felt his lips. “You’re not acting
like yourself, so don’t tell me something isn’t wrong? Just promise
me, Maggie, that you’ll think about the school. You know you could
talk to me about anything.”

I put on my best poker face on, pulling him on top
of me for round two. “I promise.”

Once he drifted off, I quickly pulled out the
goodbye letters I’d written to him and my brother, leaving them on
his nightstand. I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to come back, but
I knew I wanted him to have the life he’d always wanted. The one he
raved about more times than I could count, the one that lit up his
face when he talked about all the fantastic possibilities. Things
like getting his bachelor’s degree, going to grad school, maybe
even traveling the world for a year. How could I take all of that
away? He deserved every bit of happiness. I’d never let myself be
that girl who he regretted, the one who held him back from his
dreams. I may have had to let go of mine, but I wasn’t going to let
him forget his.

I kissed him gently on the mouth, before granting
myself one long, painful glance at his beautiful face. I was scared
to death to go out on my own, but those last few days I found the
courage and strength to walk away. Something I never thought I’d
do, but now had to.

I was so tired of the glares my mother would shoot
me. The uneasy way my father gawked at me. The constant reminder of
being around him and still living under the same roof. And more
than anything I needed to escape that bed. The one I had to sleep
in every night since he touched me. The one that I used to love
when I was a little girl. The frilly blankets, the fluffy, pink
pillows. Every damn night I prayed he wouldn’t come in, just
staring at the doorknob, praying to God that it wouldn’t turn. My
own room, the one that’s supposed to be every girl’s sanctuary,
haunted me while I slept, and even more so when I was awake. I
refused to do it anymore.

Chapter 1

Maggie

Fifteen months after leaving
Luke

“I heard you got the job. Congrats! I’m Max,
in case you forgot.” He stuck out his hand so I took it. Max was
boy-next- door cute. Brownish blond hair, dimples, adorable
puppy-dog brown eyes. He was the kind of guy who most girls would
drop their panties for without even questioning it.

“No, of course I didn’t forget. Thank you for
getting me the interview. You have no idea how much I needed
this.”

It had been late when their small group walked in.
There were three scantily dressed women and two guys. I stood
behind the counter eyeing them before I made my way over to take
their order. The cuter guy I noticed kept watching me but turned
when my eyes met his. Immediately, I blushed.

He was adorable.

Approaching their table had me so nervous, and for
the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why. Maybe it was the way the
girls were dressed, their Barbie-doll makeup, or maybe it was the
way hot-and-handsome stared me down like he was in the desert and I
was a mirage of water. Either way, my stomach flipped like I was
back in sixth grade and trying out for the cheerleading team.

“What can I get for you?” I swore each word came out
jumbled and nonsensical.

After serving their food and drinks, I stood back
safely behind the counter, listening to them rant about their tips
and how much they hated their jobs, but how they could never give
it up. A few minutes later, they filed out. Except for him. He
sauntered over, head down, an obvious grin on his face. Once he
reached me, he looked up and held out his hand.

“Hey, I’m Max.” I took his hand in mine. It felt
warm and inviting.

“I’m Maggie.”

“So, listen. I don’t know if you’d be interested,
but we need some help at the club. We’re hiring a cocktail waitress
and by the look on your face as the girls talked about it, well,
you seemed intrigued.”

I bit down on my lip. His eyes studied my mouth for
a second, but then trained them back to my eyes. “Yeah,
um...anyway, here’s the address if you want to give it a shot. Be
there tomorrow. I’ll tell Jimmy you might be stopping in.”

My mouth dry now, I found my voice. “I don’t know if
I could work there.”

He smiled like he understood. “It’s not that bad.
Just be there by six and ask for Jimmy tomorrow. Like I said, I’ll
let him know about you.” That was two weeks ago. This was the first
time I’d seen Max since that night.

He shrugged, smiling. “It’s no big deal. We’ve all
been there. It’s a tough city and a little help goes a long way.
But, I feel like I need to warn you about tonight.”

I must’ve gone pale, and I know I cringed at his
words, but he laughed as he cleaned a glass. “No, no. It’s nothing
like that. There’s a bachelor party scheduled for tonight. Well,
little girl, get ready to be broken into this business
quickly.”

“Oh!” I could feel the color coming back to my
cheeks. How bad could a bachelor party be?

He placed the glass down and tossed the bar rag over
his shoulder. “Yeah, and ... you don’t look like the kind of ...
how do I say this without hurting your feelings?”

He eyed me from head to toe but grinned like he was
enjoying the view. I peered down. I thought I looked okay. A little
bit like a half-naked tramp, but I tried to maintain my appearance,
plus a little extra naughty added to the ensemble.

“I’m just gonna say it. You kind of stand out. You
got the whole innocent vibe thing going, and those eyes. Fuck those
eyes.” He blushed, acting shy all of a sudden, unable to look at
me.

I took a nervous step back.

“Um, yeah, anyway, just be careful. They can get
pretty touchy.” Famous last words that meant my night was probably
heading straight for the shitter.

The first thing I did was run into the bathroom to
make sure I looked the part. How hard could serving cocktails be?
It couldn’t be much harder than slinging burgers and fries, right?
Granted, I looked like a slut doing it, but how hard could it be?
And, if someone touched me, I’d smile and tell them to stop. No
biggie.

I studied my outfit in the mirror and tipped my head
from side to side, trying to figure out what I was missing. More
clothes- that’s what I was missing. A minute later, it dawned on me
that I totally looked like Britney Spears in her “Hit Me Baby One
More Time” video. The short plaid schoolgirl skirt, the white dress
shirt tied baring my belly, the little cardigan, black, knee-high
biker boots. I even had the matching braids, although my hair was
much darker.

I sighed. I thought I looked cute for my first
night. Now I was afraid that I was in way over my head. What
business did a small-town girl from the Chicago suburbs have in a
place like this? I gave myself a pep talk in the mirror. I needed
the money. Someday I was going to get my dream, and if this it what
it took, so be it.

Chapter 2

Maggie

The first three months at the club weren’t
that bad-the crazy costumes had, so far, been my only issue.

“Can I get two Jack and gingers, Max?”

Max leisurely strolled over and placed the drinks on
my tray, but the small smile that escaped his lips let me know he
wanted to say something. As I repositioned the drinks, his fingers
grazed mine. “You coming out tonight?”

I pulled away at his touch. “I don’t know. I’m kind
of beat. I was up all night. I swear my neighbor has someone new in
there every night.” I grabbed a stack of cocktail napkins. “Where’s
everyone going?”

“Just to the diner to grab a bite-the usual 2 a.m.
meal.” It’s something a few of us do after the weekday shifts. Once
the club is closed, we clean up and head a block away to grab food
at the all-night diner where I used to work. We’ve been doing it
since I started this job, but tonight I didn’t have it in me. That
diner had been my first job in the Big Apple, the one where Max had
found me, so it was special. Regardless, I had no energy to go.

My feet were killing me from the damn heels. Part of
the uniform. Not open for debate. Half my ass was hanging out of my
outfit, and the garters attached to my stockings irritated my
thighs. The combination made me feel trampy. And I forgot to bring
a spare set of clothes. I didn’t want to go out in public dressed
like this. Bad enough men grope and stare at me all night-once I’m
out of the lights of this bar; I want nothing but my jeans and
T-shirts.

I only worked there for the money, since I had zero
skills for the real world. Although, so many times when I looked
around me, I realized that this was the real world, the one I was
living in now, not the one I used to know. That was all smoke and
mirrors. It pained me to leave Jeremy without letting him say
goodbye, leaving only a stupid note stating I needed to be free of
that life, the one I’d been slowly drowning in. A stinky note was
the sole thing I left behind for the two most important people in
my life.

A stinky note. Who does that?

I missed them both so much that every night, I was
haunted by the thoughts of what I did. Especially Luke.

There was one thing I was working on changing that
made me happy. I’d been taking a few cheap cooking classes to hone
my skills. Even though it drained my bank account on a monthly
basis. Cold showers and peanut butter sandwiches had become my
faithful friends. But I didn’t mind. It would be worth all the
sacrifices when I finally had my own bakery.

“Well, if you can’t come tonight, maybe we could do
something before work tomorrow. What do you say? You and me?” Max
asked as he wiped down the bar. I liked Max, I did. What was not to
like? He was sweet. He always made sure I was safely tucked in my
apartment after we worked shifts together. He’d always been there
for me-as a friend. But lately, I’d started to get the feeling that
he wanted something more. It was the little things, like how he
watched me from the bar, or whenever we went out as a group, he
made sure he sat next to me, searching for different ways to touch
me. I stared at his right arm for several seconds, admiring his
sleeve tattoo wondering what the inking’s meant.

When he snapped his fingers lightly in front of my
face, pulling me out of my thoughts, I blushed. “I’d like that.
Pick me up at seven.” He grinned widely before turning to a
customer yelling for a beer.

God, was this a date? Shit! Was I really going out
with Max the bartender who worked in the same strip club where I
flaunted my ass? Yes, apparently I was. It was time to move on.
Forget the past. It’d been long enough. So many times I wanted to
go back home, but I wasn’t brave enough.

Max was a good guy. He didn’t flirt with
anyone-well, sometimes with me, but he minded his business, did his
job, and stayed out of trouble. Jimmy loved him, but I think
secretly it was because Jimmy played for the other team, and Max
was very easy on the eyes. Jimmy had yet to come out of the closet
with any of us, but we all knew. It wasn’t like any of us would
care. It was frickin’ New York City. Anything and everything was
different here.

After taking a mighty cold shower the next evening,
since the building rarely had hot water. Warm showers were a
luxury. A luxury I couldn’t afford. It was bad enough I had to eat
yogurt past the expiration date, or stomach sour milk once in a
while before Max got me the job. Paying for my cooking classes
always took precedence. Luckily with the tips, it’d been several
weeks since things in my fridge went rancid.