The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (87 page)

The corsage:
The corsage either pins onto the dress by the shoulder or can be worn on the wrist (though it tends to get knocked into things and get mussed up). Favorite corsage flowers include gardenias and jasmine. Traditionally corsages are presented to the mothers of the brides and grooms, and can tend to give off a promlike or matronly vibe. So if you're thinking of giving a corsage to an attendant, you might want to consider other floral alternatives.

The lei:
Festive and as fun as a pupu platter, leis can be worn by brides, grooms, attendants, and guests. They smell incredible, require no carrying, and can be easily removed for close dancing.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO SAN FRANCISCO, BE SURE TO WEAR SOME FLOWERS IN YOUR HAIR

• A full wreath of flowers is a good solution to headgear if you don't want to wear a veil.

• A comb with fresh flowers, baby's breath, or a white orchid worn on the side of the head can look exotic or sweet.

• Loose baby's breath scattered throughout your hair (especially if you have longer hair) gives you that neo-romantic look.

If you can't stand the thought of carrying an ordinary bouquet, you can always carry:

a Bible or an old book that means something to you, whether it's
The Prophet
or
Franny and Zooey

a fan or lorgnette

a teacup poodle or other small pet

a piece of fabric from a shirt or other memento of someone special who passed away, whom you want to honor as being at the ceremony in spirit

soft-sculpture flowers, painted wooden flowers, bouquets sprayed black, and, yes, even beaded flowers. (It's all been done, and, as Vincent Price once told us, “Bad taste knows no bounds.”)

If you're getting married at a religious site, talk with your contact person there before you purchase a truck full of delphiniums and lilacs, and find out if there are specific requirements or restrictions on decorations. Fire laws may prohibit flowers arranged around burning candles, for example. Or your setup and breakdown schedule could conflict with other events in the same space. You could be expected to buy one or two large arrangements for the altar and then leave them there as a donation. Or you could be expected to make do with existing flora; some synagogues and churches have fresh flowers and plants already in place, depending on the season.

Once you know your limitations (we mean with the flowers, not in life), sit in the space and consider the architecture or the lack thereof. Does the look need to be enhanced? Often an intrinsically interesting building with stained glass or windows that allow for sunlight to stream in needs only a minimum of sprucing up, and doing more will produce diminishing returns. Ask what other couples have done in the way of decorations in the same space.

Look at the ceremony site from the viewpoint one would have when walking into the room. Picture any of the following:

a canopy or gazebo decorated with flowers and twinkle lights