The New Male Sexuality (47 page)

BUTTS AND WHAT TO DO WITH THEM

Behinds are fun. Stimulating them doesn’t lead to orgasm, but touching, squeezing, massaging, fondling, licking, and sucking produce wonderful sensations.

Although butts are less sensitive to gentle stimulation than most other body parts, light touching can be nice. And firm pressure and handling are quite acceptable. You can really grab your partner’s butt without causing discomfort. A man can clasp or knead his partner’s butt cheeks while having rear-entry intercourse or variations of the missionary position that allow one or both of his hands to be free. This can feel wonderful to both of you. Some men and women also find that having their butts tapped or slapped is very arousing. There are even little whips made especially for those who like a spanking now and then.

A sexy kind of stimulation for many women is for the partner to squeeze and knead the butt while at the same time licking or sucking her breasts or playing with her clitoris or vagina. Light biting of the buttocks is also enjoyed by many couples.

Yet another kind of stimulation enjoyed by many women is a light exploration of the crease between the cheeks, basically just slowly running a finger or two back and forth. The finger(s) may or may not touch the anus itself, depending on what the partners like. If a finger does touch the anus, it is important that it not be inserted into the vagina until after it has been washed.

Behinds are fun to play with and have played with, so if you haven’t given your partner’s backside much attention, try it next time.

STIMULATING WOMEN’S GENITALS

Before getting to actual stimulation, we need to consider positions to stimulate from, an important but neglected issue.

Positions to Stimulate From

The usual position for hand stimulation is for you to be hugging or holding or kissing her and reaching down to her genitals with one hand. An option is to sit facing her between her open legs while she’s either sitting or lying. A much-overlooked position for both manual and oral stimulation is with her sitting on something—bed, sofa, kitchen counter, table, stairs, or stool—and you kneeling or sitting between her legs.

The most common position for the man doing the woman orally is for him to lie on his belly facing her genitals, but this creates a huge problem: you have to lift your head up, which quickly tires and strains the neck. This is a big reason why men don’t like to do oral stimulation for long periods. One solution already noted is for her to be sitting on something with you kneeling between her legs so that your mouth is, shall we say, exactly where it ought to be. Another option if you want to do it lying in bed is to raise her up with a pillow under her buttocks and raise you up with a pillow under your upper chest. Yet another option is for her to sit on your face; that’s what it’s called, but actually it’s her kneeling over it. You need a pillow under your head for support, but that’s a great way to be face-to-face with her vulva and give really great oral sex. Whatever positions you try, it is crucial that both of you be as comfortable as possible. The strategic placement of pillows can be a big help.

Now to the actual stimulation. Before getting to her vulva, attend to the surrounding territory, the abdomen and thighs. The inner thighs are especially sensitive to light stimulation, so run your hands and fingers over them. Pressure on and above the pubic bone can be quite stimulating at the beginning. With the belly and thighs, rub, stroke, lick, nip, and lightly bite. Then move on to the crotch.

Before we get to rubbing and stroking, consider that it can be very friendly and also stimulating just to put your hand over her vulva, kind of cupping it. This can be done at almost any time your partner is open to it, and certainly before and after more direct stimulation. Just a nice way to say hello. You can also lightly vibrate the hand back and forth quickly. Lightly playing with her pubic hair is a friendly thing to do, too.

The whole vulva is as sensitive to stimulation as the area encompassing a man’s penis and scrotum. Since that’s the case, it’s a good idea to reconnoiter the whole vulva before going to the clitoris. First run a finger or two over the outer and inner lips—which very much like to be touched—and between the outer and inner lips. You can touch around the clitoris and take a little side trip into the vagina if you like, but don’t get stuck there.
Going back to the vaginal lips, pat lightly with your fingers all over and press some flesh lightly. With your thumb and forefinger, take hold of the outer lips and gently pull them and stretch them. See how your partner reacts to these touches. Gradually work your way up to the clitoris.

Another kind of stimulation is touching and rubbing the shaft of the clitoris, the part behind the clitoral hood. You can get a finger on each side, or thumb and finger, and do a little rubbing (with copious lubrication, needless to say). If you’ve never done this before, you might want to check it out.

What you want to do with your hand or mouth is basically what your partner does to herself when she masturbates. As already indicated, getting a demonstration is the best way to find out what this is. For most women, the action is around the clitoris, although not directly on its head. Women do not usually masturbate by thrusting a finger in and out of the vagina, so you probably shouldn’t do much of that either unless you’re asked to. The motion on the clitoris that works best for most women is a light rubbing or rocking motion on the side of the clitoris itself. The lighter and more lubricated the touch, the better. She’ll let you know when she wants a firmer touch. This often happens as she gets more excited. Circular motions around the clitoris are also welcomed by many women.

There is an interesting alternative to the moving finger. This is to press down lightly on the top of her vulva with several fingers, one of which is on or just to the side of the clitoris. Your hand stays fairly still and she moves against it to get exactly what she wants. Obviously she has to be willing to be active. If she is, try this out. It’s pretty fantastic.

EATING IT

I’ll be talking mainly about licking, but don’t take that too literally. Licking is only part of the picture. Don’t forget to use your lips to kiss, grasp, and pull. The mouth is very adaptable and resourceful. Use all its abilities.

It can be a loving gesture as well as a practical aid if the woman uses her fingers to spread her lips apart so that her clitoris and vagina are most accessible. If she doesn’t, you can do it.

A friendly thing you can do and that many women like at the beginning of oral sex play or afterward is to lightly blow on the vulva and clitoris. It doesn’t generate an orgasm, but it can be fun and arousing.
Warning: Do not blow directly into the vagina
. This could cause a fatal air embolism.

Here’s some things you can do with your tongue. You can also do most of them with a finger as well.

Give relatively light, relatively quick thrusts or licks of the tongue on her clitoral area. With all tongue movements, get some help from your head by moving it up and down. Your tongue will quickly tire if it does all or most of the work.

Try long and usually slower strokes with tongue and mouth. This type of licking covers more of her lips and vulva than the shorter licks. In this case, you’re moving your head more than your tongue. In fact, your tongue can remain stationary.

With your tongue on her clitoral area, move your head to the right and to the left a number of times. This is not something you would do for a long time, but doing it now and then can be a nice change.

Move your head in circular motions, keeping your tongue out. Some women absolutely adore this one. The circular and back-and-forth movements are even easier to do with a finger, so try them when you’re stimulating her by hand.

Just as with blow jobs, a lot of the work of oral sex for women is done with the hands. Here are some things you can do with your hands and fingers at the same time as you’re doing any of the techniques above with your mouth.

Put one or two fingers into her vagina, usually thrusting in time with your licks. When inserting into the vagina, start small and slow. One finger inserted slowly and only partway, one or two knuckles in. If you put your finger all the way in, do it slowly and gently. Angle the finger up, toward her pubic hair, if you want to stimulate the G-spot, more about which in a moment.

Use one hand to play with her breasts.