God on Sex: The Creator's Ideas About Love, Intimacy, and Marriage (31 page)

It is indeed the case that the price paid in the loss of female virtue is not merely a private matter for individual women. The cost runs much higher and infects the very fabric of the family and the health of the culture. In 1842 Catherine Beecher, the sister of Harriet Beecher Stowe, wrote a book entitled
A Treatise on Domestic Economy for the Use of Young Ladies at Home, and at School.
In it she wrote:

The formation of the moral and intellectual character of the young is committed mainly to the female hand. The mother forms the character of the future man; the sister bends the fibres that are hereafter to be the forest tree; the wife sways the heart, whose energies may turn for good or for evil the destinies of a nation. Let the women of a country be made virtuous and intelligent, and the men will certainly be the same. The proper education of a man decides the welfare of an individual; but educate a woman, and the interest of the whole family are secured.
¹⁸

I am a wall
     
and my breasts like towers.
So in his eyes I have become
     
like one who finds peace. (v. 10)

LOVE IS PEACEFUL (V. 10)

Shulammite provides a personal word concerning her chaste moral disposition and value to her husband. She had kept herself morally pure for her husband. She was a virgin when they married. Further, she is now a vibrant, sensual, mature woman of God whose breasts are like towers. When the time came for marriage, she was ready in every way, and her husband reaped the benefits. The text says in his eyes she brought “contentment” or “peace.” The Hebrew word is
shalom.
It means wholeness, completeness, and wellness in every part of life. Shulammite made him complete. She was the “helper suitable just for him” (Gen. 2:20). In her presence he was set at ease. He found peace and favor, pleasure and rejuvenation.

In a recent survey when asked whether they considered their spouse the only person they could have ever married, a surprising 58% answered yes. And, knowing what they now know about their spouse, 89% said they would marry him or her again. 63.8% kiss their spouse more than once a day, 25% once a day and only 3.8% once a month or less. Does marriage get better over time? For 91% of the respondents the answer is yes! Responses include: “It deepens the partnership”; “You grow closer, respect each other, understand differences, feel comfortable together.”
¹⁹

And 99 percent said they expected to stay married to their current spouse. All the marriage news isn't bad, is it?

Solomon owned a vineyard in Baal-hamon.
    
He leased the vineyard to tenants.
Each was to bring for his fruit
    
a thousand pieces of silver.
I have my own vineyard.
The thousand are for you, Solomon,
    
but 200 for those who guard its fruits. (vv. 11–12)

LOVE IS PRIVILEGED (VV. 11–12)

The exact meaning of these verses is vague at best. It seems that the main point is a contrast between Solomon's right to administer his possessions as he chooses (v. 11) and Shulammite's right to give herself as she determines (v. 12). “Solomon had a vineyard at Baal-hamon” (location unknown). “Tenants” oversaw it, and they were to grow enough from the vineyard to produce a thousand pieces of silver. In return they would receive two hundred pieces of silver. This constitutes a five to one profit for Solomon, and this is within his rights as the land belongs to him and he has entered into a mutually agreeable contract with the tenants of the vineyard.

Shulammite also has her own vineyard. It is herself, her body to be specific (cf. 1:6). She belongs to no one, and therefore she has the right and privilege to give herself and her love to whom she chooses. Solomon's vineyard is a possession and impersonal. Her vineyard is a person and thus intimately personal. Gladly, freely, and willingly she has given herself to Solomon to be his wife. Solomon may have thousands of possessions, but she came as a gift.

True love involves a responsiveness to the “total self” of the one loved. You do not fall in love with a body. You fall in love with a person. Indeed it is better stated: “You
grow
in love with a person.” In a proper love relationship, you enrich the totality of the other person's life. Furthermore, in true love there is not only a feeling of pleasure but also of reverence. Do you ever look at your wife or your husband and think,
God gave her to me? God hand-tooled him for me?
And true love has a quality of self-giving. God so loved the world that He gave His Son (John 3:16). Many people are in love only with themselves. It has been well said that the smallest package in all the world is the person who is all wrapped up with himself. But in true love a person thinks more of the happiness of others than he does of himself.
²⁰

You who dwell in the gardens—

     companions are listening for your voice—

     let me hear you!

Hurry to me, my love,

     and be like a gazelle

     or like a young stag

     on the mountains of spices. (vv. 13–14)

LOVE IS PARTICULAR (VV. 13–14)

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He stated how hurricanes at one time were given only feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as she. One of the students raised his hand and asked, “What gender is a computer?”

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the male gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
   
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
   
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
   
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
   

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the female gender because:

1. No one but their Creator understands their internal logic.
   
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
   
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
   
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
   

We have arrived at the end of our Song and the last two verses. Appropriately both the husband and the wife speak, and not surprisingly, the woman gets the last word! Shulammite is in the gardens, she who herself is a garden (cf. 4:12ff). She is a source of perpetual life, joy, excitement, and pleasure to her husband. Friends or companions listen carefully for the voice of this unique and gifted lady. Solomon, however, wants to hear her. His request is exclusive and particular. Others may long to hear her and see her (cf. 6:13), but she is his, and his alone.

He asks her to call out to him. She is not a possession but a person. She is not a slave but a partner. The love she gives is freely given. She responds by inviting him again to go away with her, and she tells him to hurry! She tells him to be free in his sensual feelings for her “like a gazelle or young stag.” She invites him to “the mountains of spices,” a reference no doubt to her breasts and the pleasures he will find there. Only her lover, her beloved, is welcomed there, and he is always welcomed. They have been married for some time, but the passion and intensity of their love has not waned. This is God's intention. This is God's plan.

The following list of questions can help you analyze your feelings about a possible love relationship. There are no right or wrong answers. Indicate your answer to each question by circling the
Yes, No,
or the
?.
Use the question mark only when you are certain that you cannot answer yes or no. The inventory will be more helpful if both you and your fiancé take it and then discuss it.

LOVE OR INFATUATION—WHICH?

Conclusion

Our Marriage Covenant

Recently I came across a spoof on marriage on
The Onion
Web site. Unfortunately there is probably more truth in it than we want to admit.

Darling. We've known each other for more than a year now. During that time, we've shared so much—our hopes, our dreams, our fears. I know when I met you I wasn't thinking of starting up a serious relationship, but my admiration and respect for you quickly blossomed into love. You're my best friend and my confidant, and I can't imagine spending the better part of the next decade without you.

I know I've been vague about taking “the next step,” but all that has changed. Your patience, loyalty, and love have made me see the world in an entirely new light. It's a place where true love can exist. So I ask you, Julie Bramhall … Will you spend the next six to ten years with me?

I realize it's sudden. We just moved in together three months ago, and I'm still looking for a better-paying job. But when I look into your eyes, I see all the things I never used to want. A big wedding. Kids.