God on Sex: The Creator's Ideas About Love, Intimacy, and Marriage (25 page)

A man just has difficulty expressing himself. My daughter will call and I will say only three things: “How's the weather, need any money, here's your mother.” A woman can talk on the phone 30 minutes and you say, “Who was that?” She says, “I don't know, she got the wrong number.”

Things are simple with a man. Women are complex. They may even be smarter. Think about it. A woman's best friend is diamonds, and man's best friend is a dog. Yes, women are more complex. When a woman is going out, she has to decide if she is going to wear her hair up or down, flats or high heels, slacks or dress, casual or dressy dress, stockings, knee highs or socks, jewelry or no jewelry, lots of makeup or little makeup. A man picks up some clothes, smells them, and if there is no visible dirt he has himself an outfit! A man makes a fashion statement by turning the brim of his baseball cap backwards. Women dress to express themselves and men dress so they won't be naked… .

Of course the bottom line is look at what women carry—a purse. It contains everything she might need. Men carry a wallet. It conveniently contains nothing but money, which means you can buy whatever you need. Simple! But these differences affect many aspects of a relationship.

Let me tell you “simple” doesn't work when dealing with your wife, especially in the area of gifts. If your last gifts have been things like salad shooters, dust-busters, weed whackers, deluxe irons and drywall compound, you are in serious trouble. They work, but they don't work with your wife… .

Yes, we're different. That was God's plan. The difference is the dynamic. Together we could be more than we could ever have been apart. That's why God said it wasn't good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper to complete him … or was it to finish him off?

Yes, men and women think and act differently. Unfortunately, far too many men both think and act badly. In the fall of 1996,
NBC
introduced a sad, sick comedy called
Men Behaving Badly.
It depicted men as crude, rude lowlifes, scumbag-dogs pure and simple. The Song of Songs, however, has a different take on men. It shows us men who behave beautifully, men behaving as God intended when He created them in His image and saved them through His Son Jesus Christ. What does this man, this husband, look like? Solomon highlights three truths.

Come back, come back, O Shulammite!
Come back, come back, that we may look at you!

Why would you look at the Shulammite,
     
as you would at the dance of the two camps?
How beautiful are your sandaled feet,
O princess!
The curves of your thighs are like jewelry,
     
the handiwork of a master.
Your navel is a rounded bowl;
     
may it never lack mixed wine.
Your waist is a mound of wheat
     
surrounded by lilies.
Your breasts are like two fawns,
     
twins of a gazelle.
Your neck is like a tower of ivory,
     
your eyes like pools in Heshbon
     
by the gate of Bath-rabbim.
Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon
     
looking toward Damascus.
Your head crowns you like Mt. Carmel,
     
the hair of your head like purple cloth—
     
a king could be held captive in your tresses.
How beautiful you are and how pleasant,
     
O love, with such delights! (6:13–7:6)

HE ADVANCES IN THE PRAISE OF HIS MATE (6:13–7:6)

We have already seen Solomon praise his wife twice for her physical beauty and priceless character (4:1–7; 6:4–9). In each description there is growth in appreciation for her. Each is more personal, intimate, sensual, and developed. A friend of mine heard that I was teaching the Song of Songs over a five-month period and asked, “How can you take that much time? Haven't you found the book to be rather repetitious?” I answered him with a yes and a no. I readily acknowledged the repetition, but quickly pointed out that repetition is often the best teacher. I also pointed out that God obviously thinks (and probably our spouses too) that we cannot say kind and uplifting things too often to our mates. Finally I noted that the repetition we discover is seldom, if ever, identical. There is growth and progress in the love, knowledge, and joy this husband and wife share. Solomon is advancing, growing in the school of praise of his mate. What are some of the particulars we discover?

PRAISE HER PUBLICLY (V. 13)

Solomon sweeps his wife off her feet and places her in his “royal chariot.” He publicly honors her. This display of affection draws the praise of her friends who plead with her to return that they “may look at” her. Four times the imperative “come back” is voiced. But she is gone. She has left all for a man who is so public, in this instance even without words, in his love for his wife. The word
Shulammite
is used only here in the Song. It is actually the feminine form of
Solomon,
literally
Solomoness.
It means “perfect one.”
¹

Shulammite is taken aback by the praise she receives and responds with a question: “Why would you look at the Shulammite, as you would at the dance of the two camps?” This latter phrase is unclear, but her question and action are not. They have praised her beauty, and she is appreciative. But there is another whose praise means even more. That person is her husband. His praise has freed her to express herself with unhindered, sensual abandonment. She will now dance nakedly and seductively. This dance is not for many but only for one. It will be a private performance reserved only for her husband. There is power in public praise.

PRAISE HER PHYSICALLY (VV. 1–5)

This is the third and most sensual and detailed physical description by Solomon of his wife. Starting from her dancing feet to a woman's glory (her hair, see 1 Cor. 11:15), Solomon describes physical features of his wife which draw attention to her beauty as a woman. One thing is obvious: she has removed her outer garments and dances in the light clothing of a shepherdess; or, more likely, she dances fully naked, wisely and seductively appealing to the male's heightened sense of sight.
²

However, let's keep this all in perspective. What constitutes a sensuous and attractive woman is probably a badly misunderstood idea by most. A
USA Today
survey asked men what they first noticed about a woman. Interestingly, the number one answer was the eyes (39%). Second was the smile (25%). Only 14 percent said the first thing they noticed was the body.
³
Different men find different kinds of women attractive. I think Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus say it best when they write, “Nothing is as ‘sexy’ as a woman who gives in to her sensuousness, a woman who enjoys sex and lets her husband know she loves to give and receive pleasure.”
⁴
Going on to quote Lisa Douglass, they add, “Nothing transcends the traditional definitions of beauty like the face and the body of a passionately aroused woman.”
⁵

PRAISE HER PARTICULARLY (VV. 1–5)

Solomon focuses on ten aspects of his wife's beauty. Though attention is on the physical, certain features also highlight the attractiveness of her personality and character as well.

She dances before him, and so he mentions first her feet. Her “sandals” would have left the top of her feet nearly bare. This would have been alluring and particularly attractive.
⁶
His reference to her as a “princess” is a symbolic way of praising her noble character, and it testifies to how her husband views and treats her. He honors her as God commands (1 Pet. 3:7). There are no demeaning glances, no rude snapping of the fingers, no harsh words of contempt or criticism. She is a princess, a queenly maiden.

Her thighs are shapely and priceless, the work of a skilled craftsman. The word refers to the upper part of the thigh where the legs begin to come together.
⁷
Like priceless jewels they are attractive to see and precious to hold.

Verse 2 is badly translated, in my judgment, in virtually every English version. The problem is with the word “navel.” It simply does not fit the upward progression or description. The Hebrew word is rare, occurring only three times in the Old Testament (cf. Prov. 3:8; Ezek. 16:4). Here the word almost certainly is a reference to the innermost sexual part of a woman, her vagina (vulva).
⁸
Solomon's description makes no sense of a navel, but it beautifully expresses the sexual pleasures he continually receives from his wife. Like “a rounded bowl” or goblet it never lacks “mixed wine”; she never runs dry. She is a constant source of intoxicating pleasure and sweetness. The idea of blended or mixed wine could refer to the mingling of male and female fluids in the appropriate part of a woman's body as a result of sexual climax.
⁹
Shulammite was an exotic garden (4:12, 16) and an intoxicating drink (7:2) in her lovemaking. Seldom, if ever, was her husband disappointed. She was his dream lover, and amazingly, he wasn't dreaming!

He compares her waist to “a mound of wheat surrounded by lilies.” This could refer to her gently curved figure and also to the fact that she was like food to him. She is wheat and wine, food and drink. She nourishes and satisfies him in every way.

He again describes her breasts as “two fawns” (cf. 4:5). They are soft and attractive, enticing him to pet them. Her neck is “a tower of ivory” (cf. 4:4). She is majestic, stately, a confident and dignified lady. Her eyes are beautiful, pure and refreshing (cf. 1:15; 4:1), like the Moabite city of Heshbon (cf. Num. 21:25), a city known for its reservoirs. The location of Bath-rabbim is unknown, though it is possibly the gate in Heshbon that led to the pools. Her “nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus.” She is strong in character, and there is a genuine sense in which he draws strength and security from her. He may also be saying, “Her nose complements and sets off her facial beauty.”
¹⁰

“Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel,” he says (v. 5). The Carmel range was considered to be one of the most beautiful in all of Palestine. She is beautiful and unique, majestic and awesome (cf. Isa. 35:2; Jer. 46:18). Her hair is like purple (or deep red), and her husband is “held captive” by its beauty. He has been ensnared by her; a king has been captured.

PRAISE HER PERSONALLY (V. 6)

Solomon summarizes his praise of his wife by telling her she is beautiful and pleasing, a love with delights. He is specific and personal. Physically she is stunning, and personally she is pleasant. She is his love and lover, and he associates nothing but delight with her. What man would not willingly allow himself to be captured by such a lady?

I think I know something of what Solomon felt. When I was dating Charlotte, a number of my friends playfully remarked, “Danny's been caught in Charlotte's web.” I had indeed been trapped and captured by her beauty from head to toe (or toe to head following Solomon here). I'm glad to report, over twenty-five years later, I still haven't escaped! A man who behaves beautifully will advance in the praise of his mate and enjoy all the good things that follow.

Your stature is like a palm tree;
      
your breasts are its clusters.
I said, “I will climb the palm tree
      
and take hold of its fruit.
May your breasts be like the clusters of grapes,
      
and the fragrance of your breath like apricots.
Your mouth is like fine wine—
      
flowing smoothly for my love
      
gliding past my lips and teeth! (7:7–9)

HE IS AGGRESSIVE IN THE PURSUIT OF HIS MATE
(VV. 7–9)

Variety is said to be the spice of life, and when it comes to sex, nothing could be more true. An article entitled “Keeping the Romance Alive” pointed out that we should give attention to at least four categories of sexual activity:

The Quickie
—quick, fast and a gift from one to the other.

Normal
—the 20 to 30 minutes of married sex.

Romantic Variety
—sex on vacation, in a hotel.

Adventuresome Sex/Cliffhanger Sex
—new positions, new places.
¹¹

Solomon is certainly creative and imaginative as he expresses his desire for Shulammite. He is not dull or boring, nor does he display a one-track mind. He is always looking for new and fresh ways to communicate his affection.

EXPRESS A DESIRE FOR HER LOVE (VV. 7–8)

Solomon compares his wife to a stately, swaying palm tree and her breasts to its clusters. Her breasts are a sweet and tasty fruit that he finds irresistible. He moves quickly to express his intentions: “I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit.” Solomon has watched his wife dance nakedly before him as long as he could. His passion is at a fever pitch. He leaves nothing to chance; he does not assume his wife understands what he is feeling. He tells her and he tells her plainly.