God on Sex: The Creator's Ideas About Love, Intimacy, and Marriage (32 page)

A house with a white picket fence that I'll have to move out of in about seven years when you discover I'm sleeping with my secretary. I never thought I'd say this to anyone, but you're the only one I want to wake up next to for the rest of my thirties.

I remember telling you early in our relationship that I never wanted to get married. But, sometimes, I stay awake after you've fallen asleep and just look at you and stroke your hair. I can't believe what a lucky man I am. When the moonlight hits your delicate features just right, I see an angel. An angel who will turn cold and indifferent to me in five years because of festering resentment over my drinking. But if I could only capture how you look on film during those moments, I swear we could make a million dollars. God, you're so beautiful at this stage of your life.

Did you know that most of my friends are amazed that a woman of your caliber would even be going out with me, much less be interested in marrying me? They're always talking about how smart, funny, and drop-dead gorgeous you are. I have no choice but to agree. When I take a step back and look at things, there's no reason someone so luminous should be interested in a guy like me. Of course, I always point out to them that your looks will be pretty well faded by 2008. But when I think how stunning you are now, I can only shake my head in disbelief.

Marriage is a big step to make, I know. But when I think of all the memories we've shared together, it makes me want a medium amount more. Do you remember that time we stumbled onto the bridge in Georgia overlooking a moonlit river, and we just held each other close, watching the waves gently lap on the shore? What about all the Sundays we lay in bed together until early afternoon? I cherish these memories, and I want to share more until our relationship is reduced to screaming fights, endless hours of legal battles, and an attempt on your part to stab me with a potato peeler.

If you asked me two years ago if I was ever going to want kids, I would have looked at you like you were crazy. But sometimes, when I'm walking with you hand in hand, I imagine us pushing a stroller. And I like that image. I see us with two kids, a boy and a girl. That would be perfect. They could hold each other up after I'm gone.

I really think you'd make an incredible mother, Julie. And I think you'll eventually make a great single mother, too. You've got that inner strength.

You don't have to answer right away if you don't want to. It's a big decision and I wouldn't want you to take it lightly. Think it over. Talk to your friends and family. I already asked your father for your hand in marriage, and he gave his blessing. But before you answer, you should know that I truly do love you and want to spend nearly a decade with you. Without you, my life is incomplete. At least, until I meet our daughter's dance instructor.

So, please, Julie Bramhall … Say you'll grow early middle-aged with me.
¹

Pathetic! Yet the theme is catching on. Fox Television certainly bought into this perspective on marriage. At the beginning of 2001 they debuted a show entitled
I Want a Divorce.
It was a show in which “sparring couples will answer questions about each other for cash prizes and the family property… . To find contestants for the game show, Fox has set up a telephone number for couples who wish to compete; a voice encourages callers to go on the show that can turn your divorce into a good thing!"
²

As we have seen in our study, divorce is really never a good thing for anyone. Pain and heartbreak are always left in its wake. We have looked at the Creator's thoughts on marriage and sex, and we have gleaned some great advice that can help us enjoy marriage not to early middle-age but for life. I truly believe we can. As we close, I want to ask, “Do you?”

A good friend of mine by the name of Dennis Rainey leads a wonderful organization committed to helping marriages and families. It is called FamilyLife Ministries. Several years ago Dennis began to challenge married couples to sign a marriage covenant as a testimony of their commitment to their marriage for life. The result has been nothing short of phenomenal. With his permission I have enclosed here at the end of the book a copy of that marriage covenant and a place for both the husband and wife to sign. If you contact Dennis at FamilyLife Ministries, they will be glad to get you a beautiful copy of the covenant suitable for framing. Simply call 1-800-FL-TODAY or visit their website at www.familylife.com. But now that we have reached the end of our journey, why don't the two of you drop to your knees in prayer and ask God to bless your marriage. Acknowledge your need for Him to be the Lord of your home. Then together, pen your names to the covenant as a declaration to God, each other, and the world that the two of you are in this for life. God will honor you, and together you will discover that this commitment will be a bond that will ensure that you make it, and make it well, to the end. God knows best. Trust Him and see if you don't agree!

OUR MARRIAGE COVENANT

Believing that God, in His wisdom and providence, has established marriage as a covenant relationship, a sacred and lifelong promise, reflecting our unconditional love for each other and believing that God intends for the marriage covenant to reflect His promise never to leave us or forsake us, we, the undersigned, do hereby reaffirm our solemn pledge to fulfill our marriage vows. Furthermore, we pledge to exalt the sacred nature and permanence of the marriage covenant by calling others to honor and fulfill their marriage vows.

In the presence of God and these witnesses, and by a holy covenant,
I,

________________________________

Husband's Name

Joyfully receive you as God's perfect gift for me, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love you, to honor you, to cherish you and protect you, forsaking all others as long as we both shall live.

________________________________

Husband's Signature

In the presence of God and these witnesses, and by a holy covenant,
I,

________________________________

Wife's Name

Joyfully receive you as God's perfect gift for me, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love you, to honor you, to cherish you and protect you, forsaking all others as long as we both shall live.

________________________________

Wife's Signature

Witnessed this day, ____________________________________

__________________________________________________

Witness                                               Witness

Unless the LORD builds a house,
its builders labor over it in vain. (Ps. 127:1)

Endnotes

INTRODUCTION

1. Marilyn Elias, “Marriage Makes for a Good State of Mind,”
USA Today,
14 August 2000.

2. Michael J. McManus, “How to ‘Build Children’ Rather than ‘Build Jails,'”
The Washington Times,
4 August 2000.

3. Katherine Kersten, “We Should Work to Save Kids from Divorce,”
The Minneapolis Star Tribune,
26 July 2000.

CHAPTER 1

1. Philip D. Harvey, “Divorce for the Best,”
Washington Post,
11 August 2000.

2. James Dobson citing Cheryl Wetzstein, “Researchers See Marriage as a Weakening Institution,”
The Washington Times,
28 October 1999, A2.

3. Matt Ridley, “Will We Still Need to Have Sex?”
Time,
8 November 1999, 66.

4. Lyndsey Griffiths, “Brave New World,”
Toronto Star,
4 November 1999.

5. The Mishnah is the oral tradition of Judaism which most scholars believe was put into writing in the third century A.D.

6.
Marriage Partnership,
Fall 1998, 10.

7. We are aware of Solomon's own tragic experiment with polygamy as recorded in 1 Kings 11:3. Many scholars believe that in the Song, Solomon is describing the ideal relationship between one man and one woman, as he lamentably knew it should have been.

8. Cited in
Entertainment Today,
2 January 1997.

9. Tom Gedhill,
The Message of the Song of Songs
(Downers Grove: IVP, 1994), 104.

10. G. Lloyd Carr,
The Song of Solomon,
TOTC (Downers Grove: IVP, 1984), 78.

11. Duane Garrett,
Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon,
NAC (Nashville: Broadman, 1993), 387.

12. Gedhill, 105.

13. Shirley Barnes, “Keeping It Together,”
Seattle Tribune,
2 August 1998.

CHAPTER 2

1. Gary Smalley and John Trent,
The Gift of the Blessing
(Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1993).

2. Gedhill,
The Message of the Song of Songs,
113.

3. Steve Stephens, “37 Things to Say to Your Spouse,” in
Stories for the Heart,
compiled by Alice Gray (Sisters, Oreg.: Multnomah, 1996), 177–78.

4. Gedhill, 66.

5. Carr,
The Song of Solomon,
84–85.

6. Ibid.

7. S. Craig Glickman,
A Song for Lovers
(Downers Grove: Inter Varsity Press, 1976), 37.

8. Norman Bales,
All About Families Newsletter,
7-26-2000.

9. Tommy Nelson,
The Book of Romance
(Nashville: Nelson, 1998), 26.

CHAPTER 3

1. Patrick Rizzo, “For GenX, Sex Rules,” Reuters News Service, June 6, 2000.

2. Stephens, “27 Things Not to Say to Your Spouse,” in
Stories for the Heart,
175–76.

3. Carr,
The Song of Solomon,
86.

4. Ibid.

5. John G. Snaith,
Song of Songs,
NCBC (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1993), 25.

6. Paige Patterson,
Song of Solomon
(Chicago: Moody, 1986), 45.

7. Ibid.

8. Some students of Scripture believe these verses are a reference to oral sexual pleasure and activity.

9. Carr, 91.

10. Carr, 93.

11. Garrett,
Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon,
392–93.

CHAPTER 4

1. Dorthy Rosby,
First for Women,
23 February 1998, 114.

2.
South China Post,
25 April 2000.

3. “Spouses Browse Infidelity Online,”
USA Today,
7 June 1999.

4. Gary Chapman,
Toward a Growing Marriage
(Chicago: Moody Press, 1996).

5. Ibid.

6. Richard Leigh and Layng Martine, Jr., “The Greatest Man I Never Knew.” used by permission Layng Martine, Jr. Songs (EMI) and EMI April Music Inc./Lion-Hearted Music (ASCAP) (all rights for Lion-Hearted Music conrolled and administered by EMI April Music Inc.).

7. Erma Bombeck,
Family—the Ties That Bind … and Gag!
(New York: McGraw-Hill, 1992).

8. Dale Hanson Bourke, “It Will Change Your Life,”
Everyday Miracles
(Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1999), 5–8.

9. TK

CHAPTER 5

1. Karen S. Peterson, “Sweet Nothings Help Marriages Stick,”
USA Today,
30 March 2000.

2. Othmar Keel, The Song of Songs, trans. Fredrick J. Gaiser (Minneapolis: Fortress, 1986, 1994), 107.