God on Sex: The Creator's Ideas About Love, Intimacy, and Marriage (27 page)

Most of us are familiar with the “virtuous woman” of Proverbs 31. She is most certainly a worthy model for all women to emulate. However, you might not be as well informed of the “noble man” of Proverbs 32! Now, if you know your Bible, you will quickly point out, “There is no Proverbs 32 in the Bible.” But several years ago a fine student at Southern Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky, wrote something of a modern-day proverb that beautifully expresses what it means for a man to “flesh out” the biblical command to love his wife just as Jesus Christ loved the church and gave Himself [in sacrificial death] for her (Eph. 5:25). Thank you, Michael Jones, for challenging all husbands everywhere to behave beautifully.

Proverbs 32
The Husband of Noble Character

A husband of noble character who can find? He is worth more than winning the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

His wife has full confidence in him and lacks nothing of importance.

He brings her good, not harm, all the days of her life.

He works hard to provide for his family. Getting up early he helps get the kids ready for school, then dashes off to work.

With his shoulder to the grindstone, he works with energy and vigor, as one who is working for the Lord. And while busy he always finds time to call his wife during the day just to say, “I love you.”

He promptly comes home from work and immediately pitches in with the chores, helping the children with their homework, or with making dinner. While hot dogs and baked beans are his specialty, he doesn't fear heating up a TV dinner or even making a meat loaf. He does this with such ease that all are amazed and in awe.

When his wife prepares a meal, he always eats with gusto and, when finished, never forgets to smile and tell her how great it was. Of course, he is always the first to volunteer to do the dishes or at least to volunteer the children to complete the task!

All in all he is a joy to have in the kitchen.

As a father there is no equal on the face of the earth. No matter how exhausted from work or other responsibilities, he always takes time for his children.

Whether it's making funny faces at the baby, tickling the small child, wrestling or playing with an older child, or making pained and disbelieving expressions at his teenager, he is always there for them.

He is a whiz at math, science, spelling, geography, Spanish, and any other subject his children are studying at school.

And if he should be totally ignorant of the subject at hand, he skillfully hides his ignorance by sending the children to mother.

He can fix any problem from a scraped knee to loose bicycle chains, from interpreting rules for a kickball game to refereeing sparring matches between his kids.

More importantly, he is also the spiritual leader in the family. He always takes the family to church. He shows his children, by life and example, what it means to love the Lord Jesus and be a Christian.

He teaches his children how to pray and the importance of knowing and loving God. He often rises early to pray for his wife and children, and he reads from his Bible at night before falling off to sleep.

He disciplines his children with loving firmness, never yelling or with humiliating words. He is always more interested in teaching a lesson and building character than in simply punishing.

During the day he meditates on God's Word and on how to live it. He shows Christ in all his dealings with others and is considered a valuable employee by his bosses. His coworkers respect his hard work, his integrity, and his kindness.

He always shows his wife the utmost respect, even opening the door for her. He is always quick with a word of encouragement and is constantly telling her how beautiful she is, even when she isn't wearing any makeup.

A day seldom passes that he doesn't tell her of his love for her. Praise for her is always on his lips.

Anniversaries and birthdays are never forgotten, and gifts and flowers are often given “just because.”

And he even makes superhuman efforts to be nice when her family is visiting.

He is full of compassion for the pain of others and willingly helps those in need. Whether it's changing a stranger's flat tire, helping with a friend's home improvement project, or feeding the poor at the local soup kitchen, he is the first to volunteer.

He is not afraid to shed a tear with a friend in pain or to be rowdy in laughter at another's good joke.

He loves life and lives it with passion.

His children, while not always calling him “blessed,” have no doubts about his great love for them. His wife also calls him many things, among them, “the best,” and she thanks God for him.

Many men do many great things, but he surpasses them all.

Flattery is deceptive and good looks, like hair, are fleeting; but a man who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give him the reward he has earned, and let his deeds bring him praise.

Michael M. Jones
Louisville, Kentucky 1996

Chapter 12

A Wonder of a Woman

THE SONG OF SONGS 7:10–8:4

I recently came across some counsel that we men would like to pass on to the ladies that, at least in our judgment, would go a long way in helping you be just the right mate. I call it “25 Essentials for a Fantastic Female.”

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
   
2. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like Don Juan or Romeo guys.
   
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
   
4. Birthdays, Valentine's Day, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
   
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
   
6. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Just learn to live with it. Don't ask what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as March Madness, the shotgun formation, and the stupidity of the “prevent defense.”
   
7. Saturday equals sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
   
8. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
   
9. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you want to wear is fine.
   
10. You have enough clothes.
    
11. You have too many shoes.
    
12. Crying is definitely blackmail.
    
13. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
    
14. We don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
    
15. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
    
16. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    
17. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a problem. See a doctor.
    
18. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you mad or sad, we meant the other one.
    
19. You can either tell us to do something or tell us how to do something but not both.
    
20. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
    
21. All men see in only sixteen colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
    
22. It if itches, it will be scratched.
    
23. If we ask what's wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the pain.
    
24. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument today. All comments become null and void after seven days.
    
25. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
    

The ladies may not be impressed with this list from the men. That is understandable. But what if I could give you God's perspective on a fabulous female, a picture of His wonder woman? Would you be interested? I believe such a woman is portrayed in Song of Songs 7:10–8:4. She is not characterized by twenty-five particulars but rather by three overarching attributes that any man would find attractive and irresistible.

I belong to my love,
    
and his desire is for me.

Come, my love,
    
let's go to the field;
    
let's spend the night among the henna blossoms.
Let's go early to the vineyards;
    
let's see if the vine has budded,
    
if the blossom has opened,
    
if the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my love.
The mandrakes give off a fragrance,
    
and at our doors is every delicacy—
    
new as well as old.
I have treasured them up for you, my love. (7:10–13)

SHE DELIVERS PERSONAL INVITATIONS FOR LOVE
(VV. 10–13)

Solomon, at least at this point in his life, is a one-woman kind of man. Shulammite is a one-man kind of woman. His attention is on her, and her affection is set on him. Kind words of praise and affirmation from her husband have set Shulammite free to respond sensually to her husband. She extends an invitation for a romantic getaway. What are its components?

BE SPECIFIC (V. 10)

Shulammite says, “I belong to my love,” “I am my beloved's” (NKJV), “I belong to my lover” (NIV). She belongs to him and no other. He is the only man in her life. The danger of infidelity is not on her radar screen, and she wisely avoids its snares.

The warning signs of infidelity are not difficult to spot. We simply need to be on the lookout. Nine in particular stand out.

Nine Warning Signs of Infidelity

1. The feeling of “going through the marriage motions.”
   
2. Inventing excuses to visit someone of the opposite sex.
   
3. Increasing male-female contacts in normal environments (e.g.: work, choir, recreation).
   
4. Being preoccupied with thoughts about another person (something only you and God will know).
   
5. Exchanging of gifts with a “friend” of the opposite sex.
   
6. Making daily/weekly contact with someone by phone.
   
7. Putting yourself in situations where a friend or employee “might” become more.
   
8. Having to touch, embrace, or glance at a person of the opposite sex.
   
9. Spending time alone with anyone of the opposite sex.
   

A wise husband and a wise wife will covenant never to be alone with a person of the opposite sex other than their spouse. Such a commitment is a sure safeguard against adultery and a pledge of the specific and particular nature of one's love and devotion for his/her mate.

BE SECURE (V. 10)

Shulammite can also say of her husband, “And his desire is for me.” Solomon has eyes for only one woman, and that woman is his wife. This is how it should be for all men, that our desire is only for one lady—our wife. A wife who is secure in her relationship with her husband is released to love him without holding anything back. She does not fear that her love will be prostituted or abused. In an article entitled “New Rules for a Happy Marriage,” Sue Ellin Browder gives us seven tips that can help build security in a happy relationship.

1. Love your differences.
   
2. Sweat the small stuff.
   
3. Laugh.
   
4. Put your heads together.
   
5. Stay connected.
   
6. Take a leap of faith.
   
7. Relive beautiful moments.
   ¹
   

BE SPONTANEOUS (VV. 11–12)

For the first time in the Song, Shulammite takes the initiative in requesting a time for romance and lovemaking with her husband. She knows that sex that takes place only at home can run the risk of becoming routine. Vacations and special getaways often enhance and rekindle passion in marriage. She invites him to leave the city and its grind and to go away with her to the country for a time where they can be alone together. Four times she says, “Let's go.”

Spring is a universal symbol of love and romance, and the signs should be everywhere in a marriage. There should be a freshness and a sense of anticipation to love. Getting away, if only for a brief time, can invigorate and energize a relationship. Shulammite knows sexual problems can slip into a relationship if it is not properly cared for. As a woman, she is aware of the role she must play to keep their sex life on a high plain. Ginny Graves outlines seven essentials that a woman must give attention to in order to keep the flames of romance raging: