Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child (35 page)

adult situations, child’s experience seen in terms of,
118
–19

advice, unsolicited,
119
–20

agendas, parental,
113
–16,
134
–37

aggression,
25
,
32
,
61
,
104
,
139
,
140

Allen, Woody,
169

allies, parents as,
73
,
94

anger,
25
,
41
,
53
,
57
,
61
,
63
,
78

children’s stress reactions to,
142

communication of,
80
–81

concealing of,
79

Emotion Coaching and,
130

girls and,
49
,
60

parental,
35
,
56
,
66
,
130

parents as targets of,
117
–18

parent’s reaction to,
21
,
52
,
54

self-test for,
82
–85

Annie Stories
(Brett),
203
–4

apologies, parents and,
66
–67,
81
,118

Atlantic Monthly
,
143

authoritarian parents,
32

autonomic nervous system,
38
–39,
142

baby talk,
186

base of power,
125
–26

Baumrind, Diana,
32

bed wetting,
92

behavior zones,
102
–3

betrayal,
150

Between Parent and Child
(Ginott),
34
–35

Biller, Henry,
177
–78

Blanchard, Robert,
177
–78

Bly, Robert,
166

body language,
94
–95,
143

bonding,
21
,
27
,
66
,
67
–68,
72
,
113
,
144

father-child,
166

Bower, T. G. R.,
196

boys:

absent fathers and,
166

involved father’s effect on,
170

as toddlers,
196

brainstorming,
75
,
81
,
105
,
106

Brazelton, T. Berry,
170

Brett, Doris,
203

California, University of, at Riverside,
144
–45

case histories, children:

Alex,
62

Andrew (nine-year-old),
114

Becky (four-year-old),
30
,
56

Ben (four-year-old),
64
,
65
–66

Cameron (five-year-old),
58

Carly (seven-year-old),
90
–91

Charley,
59

Emily (seven-year-old),
19

Heather,
53

Jennifer (five-year-old),
21
,
63
–64,
66

Jeremy,
54
–55

Joshua (three-year-old),
19
,
22
–24

Karen’s daughter,
60

Kyle (four-year-old),
95
,
99

Laura,
68

Matt (fourteen-year-old),
19

Megan (nine-year-old),
95
–98,
99

Moriah (two-year-old),
69
–70

Moriah (three-year-old),
131
–32

Moriah (four-year-old),
92
,
105
,
106
–7,
108

Moriah (five-year-old),
179

Moriah (infant),
195

Nicole,
56
–57

Rachel,
62

Ross (four-year-old),
58

Sandy’s daughter,
65
,
66

Shawn (five-year-old),
132
–33

Sophie’s son,
79
–80

Timmy,
58

Toby,
61
–62

Tyler,
64

William (eight-year-old),
73
–74

catecholamines,
139

Census, U.S. (1989),
29

pretense of,
70
–72

children:

apologies to,
66
–67,
81

at-risk,
140

belief in parent’s assessment of,
73

body language of,
94
–95

criticizing of,
26
,
33
,
51
,
57
,
74
,
75
,
80
,
111
–12,
113
,
114

daily life of,
115
,
116
–17

divorce and, see divorce

divorced custodial parent of,
141

early stages of,
198
–205

effects of parenting styles on,
50
,
51
,
52

emotional expression of,
20
,
24
,
31
,
34
–35,
41
,
49
,
50
–52,
63
,
102

Emotion-Coached,
see
Emotion Coaching

empathetic listening and,
24
,
75
,
94
–99

empowerment of,
119
,
120
–21

faking of emotions and,
132
–33

fantasy play of,
40
–41,
92
,
106
,
121
–22,
140
,
197
–98,
200
–205

father’s horseplay and,
170
–71

father’s involvement in rearing of,
165
–67

as go-betweens in marital conflicts,
157

ignoring feelings of,
93
–94

“internalizing problems” and,
145

interparental conflicts and,
25
–26,
138
–39,
146
,
159
–61;
see also
marital conflicts

limiting choices of,
120
–21

listening to,
see
listening skills

love of,
21
,
30
,
31
,
42

marital conflicts and,
see
marital conflicts

marriage and,
see
marriage

as mediators in marital conflicts,
156
–57

middle stages of,
205
–8

negative-trait labels as descriptors of,
11
–12,
115
,
116
,
211
–12

networks of emotional support and,
158
–59

noncustodial parent’s visitation of,
155
–56

parent interactions,
see
parent-child interactions

parent’s emotional awareness of,
20
,
76
–93

parent’s involvement in daily lives of,
161
–62,
213

peer relationships of,
166
,
171

problem-solving and,
100
–109

reading to,
123

respecting the wishes of,
120
–21

school performance and,
25
,
26
,
29
,
30
,
111
,
143
,
144
,
172

self-esteem of,
52
,
60
,
80
,
104

self-soothing play of,
41
,
63
,
67
,
73

serious misbehavior of,
130
–33

setting limits for,
101
–4

sharing dreams and fantasies of,
121
–22

spanking of,
22
,
60
,
80
,
103
–4,
125

stages in development of,
185
–213

temperament of,
40

time-outs and,
103
,
125

translating experiences of,
118
–19

vagal tone and,
38
–40,
143

validating feelings of,
24
,
70
,
75
,
94
–99

verbal emotion-labeling and,
24
,
91
,
93
,
99
–100

violence and,
25
,
28
,
172

as weapons against ex-spouse,
155
–56,
183

witnessing parents’ fighting by,
142

“collector of moments,”
125

comforter,
41

complaints:

criticism vs.,
149
–50

cross-,
153

compliments, focused,
112

conflicts:

in family life,
19
,
26

infants and,
142
–43

marital,
see
marital conflicts

parental, fear of,
204

resolution of,
57
,
66
,
67
,
158

contempt, disintegration of parental relationship and,
151
–52

control, loss of,
56
,
76
,
78
–79

crisis as opportunity,
93
–94

criticism:

of children,
26
,
33
,
51
,
57
,
74
,
75
,
80
,
111
–12,
113
,
114

complaints vs.,
149
–50

disintegration of parental relationship and,
149
–51

interparental,
139

cross-complaining,
153

Cummings, E. Mark,
142
,
158

“daddy track,”
181
–82

darkness, fear of,
203

Dawson, Géraldine,
188

death, fear of,
204

defensiveness, disintegration of parental relationship and,
152
–53

delinquency,
25
,
28
,
159
,
172

de Mause, Lloyd,
31
–32

Dickstein, Susan,
192

disapproving parents,
22
,
48

characteristics of,
51
,
57
–60

discipline,
24
,
27
,
33
,
58

positive forms of,
67

serious need for,
130
–32

dismissing parents,
22
,
48
,
53
–57

characteristics of,
50

divorce:

children’s life-expectancy and,
144
–45

negative effects on children of,
139
–46

protecting children in midst of,
146
–62

rate of,
168

unhappy marriage vs.,
143
–45