Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child (34 page)

147
Emotion Coaching not only protects
: J. M. Gottman,
What Predicts Divorce?
(Hillsdale, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum, 1994).

148
what kind of marital interactions predict
: John Gottman,
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
(New York: Simon & Schuster, 1994).

154
kept track of their pulse
: To take your heart rate, gently press your right index and middle fingers against your right carotid artery, which is two to three inches below your earlobe and under the jawbone. You should be able to feel your pulse. To calculate your pulse rate per minute, count the number of pulse beats you feel in fifteen seconds and multiply by four. To determine your average, baseline rate, take your pulse
three different times while you’re sitting comfortably. Although individual pulse rates vary widely, most women clock in at between 82 and 86 beats per minute, while men average between 72 and 76 beats per minute.

158
children often displayed aggression
: E. M. Cummings and J. L. Cummings, “A Process-Oriented Approach to Children’s Coping with Adults’ Angry Behavior,”
Developmental Review
, Vol. 8 (1988), pp. 296-321.

158
the degree of resolution mattered
: Cummings, “Coping with Background Anger in Early Childhood.”

6: T
HE
F
ATHER’S
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166
One long-term study
: R. Koestner, C. E. Franz, and J. Weinberger, “The Family Origins of Empathic Concern: A 26 Year Longitudinal Study,”
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
, Vol. 58 (1990), pp. 709-17.

166
By age forty-one, study participants
: C. E. Franz, D. McClelland, and J. Weinberger, “Childhood Antecedents of Conventional Social Accomplishment in Midlife Adults: A 26 Year Prospective Study,”
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
, Vol. 60 (1991), pp. 586-95.

167
In 1960, only 19 percent
: David Popenoe, “American Family Decline, 1960-1990: A Review and Appraisal,”
Journal of Marriage and the Family
, Vol. 55 (August 1993), pp. 527-55.

168
“Such change has rendered”
: Robert L. Griswold,
Fatherhood in America: A History
(New York: Basic Books, 1993).

168
Between 1960 and 1987
: Popenoe, “American Family Decline, 1960-1990.”

168
among first-time marriages
: A. Cherlin,
Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage
(Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1981).

168
Birth to single mothers
: U.S. Bureau of the Census, “Births to Unmarried Women, by Race of Child and Age of Mother: 1970 to 1991,”
Statistical Abstract of the United States
: 1994 (114th Edition) (Washington, D.C., 1994).

168
A recent survey of medium to large U.S. businesses
: S. L. Hyland, “Helping Employees with Family Care,”
Monthly Labor
Review
, Vol. 113 (1990), pp. 22-26; K. Christensen,
Flexible Staffing and Scheduling in U.S. Corporations
(New York: Conference Board, 1989).

169
custody is awarded to moms
: Griswold,
Fatherhood in America
, p. 263.

169
One researcher estimates
: Michael E. Lamb, “Introduction: The Emergent American Father,” in Michael E. Lamb, ed.,
The Father’s Role: Cross-Cultural Perspectives
(Hillsdale, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum, 1987), pp. 3-25.

170
five-month-old baby boys
: F. A. Pedersen, J. Rubinstein, and L. J. Yarrow, “Infant Development in Father-Absent Families,”
Journal of Genetic Psychology
, Vol. 135 (1979), pp. 51-61.

170
one-year-old babies cried less
: M. Kotelchuck, “The Infant’s Relationship to the Father,” experimental evidence, in M. E. Lamb and S. K. Bronson, “The Role of the Father in Child Development: Past Presumptions, Present Realities, and Future Potential,” paper presented to a conference on Fatherhood and the Male Single Parent, Omaha, November 1978.

170
Observing parents with their newborns
: M. Yogman, S. Dixon, E. Tronick, H. Als, and T. B. Brazelton, “The Goals and Structure of Face-to-Face Interaction Between Infants and Fathers,” paper presented at the biennial meeting of the Society for Research in Child Development, New Orleans, LA, March, 1977.

171
Studies of three- and four-year-old children
: K. MacDonald and R. D. Parke, “Parent-Child Physical Play: The Effects of Sex and Age of Children and Parents,”
Sex Roles
, Vol. 7-8 (1986), pp. 367-79.

172
“Just as men of the Baby Boom generation”
: Ronald F. Levant, with Gini Kopecky,
Masculinity Reconstructed: Changing the Rules of Manhood—At Work, in Relationships, and in Family Life
(New York: Dutton, 1995), p. 107.

173
projects like Levant’s Fatherhood Project
: Levant’s work with the Fatherhood Project is summarized in Ross D. Parke,
Fatherhood
(Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1996).

174
women whose husbands participated
: W. J. Hennenborn and R. Cogan, “The Effect of Husband Participation on Reported Pain and the Probability of Medication During Labor and
Birth,”
Journal of Psychosomatic Research
, Vol. 19 (1975), pp. 215-22.

175
a dad who shows a high interest
: D. R. Entwisle and S. G. Doering,
The First Birth
(Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1981).

175
fathers who begin diapering
: R. Lind, “Observations After Delivery of Communications Between Mother-Infant-Father,” paper presented at the International Congress of Pediatrics, Buenos Aires, October 1974.

176
Even among newborns
: A. N. Meltzoff, and M. K. Moore, “Newborn Infants Imitate Adult Facial Gestures,”
Child Development
(1983), pp. 54, 722-29.

176
mothers’ attitudes toward fathers’ participation
: A. Beitel and R. D. Parke, “Maternal Attitudes as a Determinant of Father Involvement,” Unpublished manuscript, University of Illinois (1993).

177
The importance of fathers’ accessibility
: R. W. Blanchard and H. B. Biller, “Father Availability and Academic Performance Among Third Grade Boys,”
Developmental Psychology
, Vol. 4 (1971), pp. 301-5.

178
“Having a competent father”
: H. B. Biller,
Father, Child and Sex Role
(Lexington, MA: D.C. Heath, 1971), p. 59.

178
“It’s by performing”
: Ronald F. Levant, with Gini Kopecky,
Masculinity Reconstructed
, p. 197.

181
A British study of scientific workers
: R. A. Lee, “Flextime and Conjugal Roles,”
Journal of Occupational Behavior
, Vol. 4 (1983), pp. 297-315.

181
workers on flextime
: H. Bohen and A. Viveros-Long,
Balancing Jobs and Family Life: Do Flexible Work Schedules Help?
(Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1981).

181
research on egalitarian marriages
: Pepper Schwartz,
Peer Marriage: How Love Between Equals Really Works
(New York: Free Press, 1994), p. 14.

181
fathers working as air-traffic controllers
: R. L. Repetti, “Short-Term and Long-Term Processes Linking Perceived Job Stressors to Father-Child Interaction,”
Social Development
, Vol. 3 (1994), pp. 1-15.

181
when dads have more independence
: M. L. Kohn and C.
Schooler,
Work and Personality: An Inquiry into the Impact of Social Stratification
(Norwood, N J.: Ablex, 1983); D. R. Miller and G. E. Swanson,
The Changing American Parent
(New York: Wiley, 1954).

182
90 percent of whom live apart
: Robert L. Griswold,
Fatherhood in America
(New York: Basic Books, 1993), p. 263.

183
75 percent of all women
: P. C. Glick, “Remarried Families, Stepfamilies and Stepchildren: A Brief Demographic Profile,”
Family Relations
, Vol. 38 (1989), pp. 24-47.

7: E
MOTION
C
OACHING AS
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187
“The Still Face Game,”
: M. K. Weinberg, E. Z. Tronick, “Beyond the Face: an Empirical Study of Infant Affective Configurations of Facial, Vocal, Gestural, and Regulatory Behaviors,”
Child Development
(1994), pp. 65, 1503-15.

187
Babies with depressed moms
: T. Field, B. T. Healy, and W. G. LeBlanc, “Sharing and Synchrony of Behavior States and Heart Rate in Nondepressed Versus Depressed Mother-Infant Interactions,”
Infant Behavior and Development
, Vol. 12 (1989), pp. 357-76.

187
And if a mother’s depression continues
: T. Field, J. Pickens, N. A. Fox, T. Nawrocki et al., “Vagal Tone in Infants of Depressed Mothers,”
Development and Psychopathology
, Vol. 7 (1995), pp. 227-31.

187
The period between ages three months
: Ibid.

188
Using this technology
: G. Dawson and K. W. Fischer,
Human Behavior and the Developing Brain
, (New York: Guilford, 1994).

188
Further studies in Field’s labs
: N. M. Palaez, T. Field, M. Cigales and A. Gonzalez et al., “Infants of Depressed Mothers Show Less ‘Depressed’ Behavior with Their Nursery Teachers,”
Infant Mental Health Journal
, Vol. 15 (1994), pp. 358-67; Z. Hossain, T. Field, J. Gonzalez, J. Malphurs et al., “Infants of ‘Depressed’ Mothers Interact Better with Their Nondepressed Fathers,”
Infant Mental Health Journal
, Vol. 15 (1994), pp. 348-57.

189
parents fail to read
: E. Z. Tronick, and J. F. Cohn, “Infant-Mother Face-to-Face Interaction: Age and Gender Difference in Coordination and the Occurrence of Miscoordination,”
Child Development
, Vol. 60 (1989), pp. 85-92.

192
babies do not practice as much
: S. Dickstein and R. D. Parke, “Social Referencing in Infancy: A Glance at Fathers and Marriage,”
Child Development
, Vol. 59 (1988), pp. 506-11.

196
baby boys preferred looking
: T. G. R. Bower,
The Rational Infant
(New York: W. H. Freeman & Co., 1989).

200
fantasy play with another child
: Laurie Kramer and John Gottman, “Becoming a Sibling: With a Little Help from My Friends,”
Developmental Psychology
, Vol. 28 (1992), pp. 685-99.

203
One particularly fine book
: Doris Brett,
Annie Stories: A Special Kind of Storytelling
(New York: Workman, 1986).

204
young children may not understand
: E. M. Cummings, “Coping with Background Anger in Early Childhood.”

210
“Until this point”
: Michael Riera,
Uncommon Sense for Parents with Teenagers
(Berkeley: Celestial Arts, 1995).

210
“In its pain-bred name”
: Gordon Parks, “Adolescence,”
Whispers of Intimate Things
(New York: Viking Press, 1971).

I
NDEX

abandonment, fear of,
202
–3

adolescence,
73
,
104
,
140

autonomy and,
213

Emotion Coaching and,
208
–13

networks of emotional and community support for,
158
–59,
212

respectful treatment of,
211
–12

as time of individuation,
210
–11