Stolen Innocence (3 page)

Today I am eleven years old. My mom bought this diary for me at the mall today while shopping with my sisters and me. I live in Illinois and spend a lot of my time in Wisconsin. Both my parents come from large families, but it is my dad's family that we are close with. They all live very close. My Aunt Mary and Uncle Scott live just down the path from us. They have four boys. Jake is their baby. Then there is David, Mike, and Brian the oldest. Mike is my age and Brian is a couple years older then I. I sometimes spend more time at their house than my own since they live so close. My dad comes from a family of seven kids. So during the holidays it is a house full of people. At my summer house I spend the day at the beach, on the boat or in town. At night we do campfires and roast marshmallows while mom tells ghost stories. I love watching the sunset or lying under a blanket of stars in the sky at night. During winter we come to Wisconsin and either go on our snowmobiles, if there is enough snow, or go into town and see the ice sculptures. I also like building snowmen or catching snowflakes with my tongue.

As far as school goes I am about to finish fourth grade. I had an awesome teacher this year. Her name is Mrs. Ackman and she has been the greatest. We just went on our school field trip to Springfield. We took a coach bus and left at six in the morning. We saw some interesting places. My favorite was Lincoln's Memorial. For dinner we stopped and ate at an Old Country Buffet. I sat with all my friends. We didn't get home until after ten. My dad had to come get me off the bus since I'd fallen asleep on the way home. The next day at school all we did was talk about Springfield and watch movies. All together it was a fun experience. One I will look back on for years. I do very well in school except for math. I struggle with all the equations. I would rather spend my time daydreaming then learning my multiplication tables. Reading and writing are my favorite. Well, it is getting late so I better end this here for the night. I need to get some sleep. My prayers tonight are for all the sick children who are in hospitals and aren't fortunate like me to have such a happy and healthy life. Good night!

It's the last day of school. I am sad because I have made so many new friends this year. One of my very best friends this year was the new girl, Asha. She has very long black hair. Hopefully we will have fifth grade together. I am going to miss Mrs. Ackman, but she told me I have a great teacher for next year. I am excited for summer to spend it going up to Wisconsin. I can't wait to go to the beach. My uncle and dad take my sisters and I along with our cousins tubing. I tend to go very slow because I am terrified of speed. My sister Allie and I bring up our best friend, Emily. Emily is Allie's age, but we both hang out with her. Emily likes to do lemonade stands with us during the summer. We even sell homemade peanut butter cookies that my mom baked. My grandparents also have a summerhouse and condo in Wisconsin. All my other cousins stay at my grandparents' house when they come up. My Aunt Jenny is getting married next month and I'm a flower girl. My sister Allie and our cousin Molly are also flower girls. A bunch of my relatives are flying in from around the country for the wedding. My mom just came in my room and told me to pack my suitcase for Wisconsin. I'll write more later.

My summer is going good. Today was a fun day. Allie, Emily and I spent the day playing with our dolls. We took them on walks in our strollers to the park and pushed them in the swings. When we came home we played school. I was the teacher and they were my students. We played for a couple hours and then Emily had to go home for dinner. She is coming back later to spend the night. My sister just came in my room to tell me dinner is ready. We are having chicken pot pie, one of my favorites.

Well, my Aunt Jenny got married. It was a fun wedding. Being a flower girl was exciting. There were hundreds of people there. The reception was the best part of the wedding. We did a lot of dancing and didn't get home until really late. It was a night to remember. We later went up to Wisconsin and went over to a house where relatives were renting. We did a bunch of dancing and videotaped the whole party. The fourth of July was also spent in Wisconsin. Our private beach association does a parade each year. We decorate our golf cart and wear our American dresses in the parade. After the parade we eat hotdogs and spend the rest of the day at the beach swimming. Our beach has a slide and a pier that has a diving board and then a raft you have to swim to that has another diving board that is a high diving board. I play a water game with my cousins and sisters called, “rag tag.” It is like the game tag, but instead you have a rag you throw at a person. We also play king of the raft and chicken fights on the diving board. So far my summer has been a blast. This week I am having a lemonade stand with Emily and Allie. We are also walking to the store and going shopping together. I'll write more another day. Good night.

I'm having such a fun summer. I spent the weekend at the beach and then had a huge campfire at my grandparents' house in Wisconsin with all my cousins. Tonight I went to my Aunt Mary and Uncle Scott's house and while the adults played cards I played in the basement with all my cousins and sisters. We then got into wrestling and I was beating up my older cousin Brian and my other cousin Mike. Brian is stronger than I, but he let me win. We then had foosball tournaments against each other. Allie and Mike went against Brian and me. Brian and I won. We then watched a really scary movie on television until it was time to go home. It was a fun night!

Today I went with my family and Uncle Scott, Aunt Mary, and cousins Brian, Mike, David and Jake to Great America. We got there early in the morning. We split up in groups. I stayed with my Aunt Mary and cousins David and Jake because I'm scared of roller coasters. So I spent the day on all the little kid rides, but I had fun. We met up with the rest of the family for lunch at a picnic table. We stayed until it was dark. By then we had to leave because we were driving up to Wisconsin. My sisters slept the whole way home. I sat counting the stars and thinking about how much fun I had all day today. Well it is late so I will end this. Good Night!

Today I did so much. First Allie, Emily, and I took our babies for a walk to the park. Then we put the babies to sleep and went fishing in my back yard. We caught a ton of fish. Emily is afraid to take off the fish so Allie and I always have to do it for her. The worst fish to catch are the catfish. They have stingers. We have to use gloves and scissors to get them off. It was a hot and sunny day. I don't think there was a cloud in the sky. It got so hot mom let us turn on the sprinkler in the back yard and we ran around in our swimsuits. I am very tired now so I am going to go to bed.

Sweet dreams!

Tomorrow is the first day of school. I will be in fifth grade. I heard my teacher is really nice. I have a bunch of friends from fourth grade in my class. Since today was the last day before school, my Aunt Mary called my mom and we decided to go miniature golfing. My mom, Caitlin and I went. Allie went to Great America with Emily. Aunt Mary had all four boys come with us. We had so much fun. It was a great way to end the summer. After golfing we went out for lunch. Jake eventually needed a nap since he is only two, so we finished lunch and left. I spent a lot of time at my Aunt Mary's house. In fact she told me she is going to need extra help and wanted me to be her babysitter. She knows how much I like babies and little kids. Well it is 8:15 p.m. and I need to get to sleep before my big day of school tomorrow. I'm really excited and happy.

I'm really scared and confused right now. Something happened last night, but I don't know whom to tell. My parents stopped over at my grandparents' condo in Wisconsin. When we arrived my cousins were there. Caitlin found out our cousins were staying the night so she asked if the two of us could stay the night. My parents said it was okay as long as we had a ride back home the next day. Our cousin Megan was having her mom pick her up in the morning To take her to the mall and said her mom could take us home. We said goodbye to our parents just as the pizza arrived. We all ate pizza and then the teenagers decided to go walk around the condo, they said I couldn't go with them. I stayed back at the room where Grandma pulled out an air mattress for me to sleep on. I fell asleep while watching a movie. I was expecting to wake from the morning sunlight, but instead woke up around 3:00 a.m. to a very uncomfortable feeling. I felt something moving around in my pants. I immediately realized it was my cousin Brian's hand moving all around my vagina. He was rubbing his hand back and forth. I felt his finger going inside me. I panicked, grabbed his sweaty hand by pulling it out and placing it on his chest. I looked over at him to see his eyes wide open. For a quick second I was looking into his eyes, but then he closed them and pretended to be asleep. I turned so my back was facing him and curled up in a ball. I was sick to my stomach. I could feel the pizza from dinner creeping up my throat as if I were about to puke. For over an hour I lay in fear holding back the tears. Just as the sun was about to rise I fell back asleep. Three hours later I woke up and told myself over and over it was all a dream, but deep in my heart I knew I couldn't fool myself. All morning I couldn't even look at Brian, but at one point we had eye contact and it was one long stare at each other. It disgusted me! I wanted to shower because I felt so dirty. When my aunt arrived she took Megan, Caitlin and me to town for lunch. We went to a place called “Bottles” where they mainly serve pizza. We ordered a cheese pizza, but I couldn't take one bite without feeling like I was going to puke again. Just the thought of eating pizza right now makes me want to throw up. We later went shopping at the mall, but all I wanted to do was go home. I couldn't get last night out of my mind no matter how hard I tried. I just keep telling myself it was a nightmare. I'm really scared and confused. It's been a long day and I need some sleep.

It has been three weeks since the situation at my grandparent's condo in Wisconsin. I keep trying to tell myself it was all a dream, but deep down I know it wasn't. I've been babysitting for my Aunt Mary and I see Brian all the time. He acts no different than usual, very friendly and outgoing. I am trying to keep my mind on other things like school, the play I am in, and a book I'm reading. It is hard to stay focused in school and my grades aren't the best right now. When I should be listening to the teacher I'm replaying over in my head what happened three weeks ago. Over time I hope I eventually forget it. It is on my mind so much. It's ripping me apart.

This month has been good so far. I saw my best friend from my old school for the first time in years. It was so great to see her. We went to the park and I learned that it was her birthday. I've also been going shopping and swimming with Emily at the indoor water park by my house. School has been better. I talk to the social worker who comes to my class once a week to talk to me. Well I was thinking of telling him about what happened last month in Wisconsin. I'm just afraid he will tell my parents. We talk about school, my family life, and sometimes play board games. Every time

I try to tell him I panic and leave his office without saying anything. I'm just really scared right now. I went to a family Halloween party last week. My uncle made a haunted house. When it was my time to go in I refused because Brian was one of the people with masks on waiting to scare people and I was afraid he might try something. We also had a pumpkin carving contest and my family won. We had dinner there and left when it was late and everyone was tired. Speaking of tired I am very tired and have school tomorrow. Good night!

I got so much candy tonight. I went trick or treating with some friends and then my mom and dad drove Allie and me around the neighborhood when it got dark so we were safe. I was dressed up like a grandma. I have been dressing up like a grandma since I was in first grade. It is a really good costume. Well I had a lot of sugar tonight so I am wide-awake, but going to put my diary away for now. Night!

On November 8th we moved into our new summerhouse in Wisconsin. We went from a one-bed room house with a loft upstairs to a seven-bedroom house with a basement. The cottage we moved out of is directly behind us and to the corner. My dad sold it to one of his high school friends. I picked my room out right away. Grandma and Grandpa slept over the first night with us. The house needs some work, but my dad is fast at that. The kitchen has swinging doors and the tile is yellow and red making it look like a McDonald's kitchen. That will all change eventually. We had Thanksgiving at my grandparent's house like every year. It was a good turkey. There was so much food to choose from. My favorite is mashed potatoes and stuffing. The adult guys all watched football. My cousins and I played cards. We came home late and I went right to bed. Christmas will be here before I know it. The first thing on my Christmas list is a dog. I've asked for it every Christmas and birthday. I want either a Labrador or Golden Retriever. I'll write more another day.