Stolen Innocence (8 page)

It is late here, almost two in the morning. It has been a very long day. My day started off by going to my friend Melissa's house. We decided to go shopping for the day. While I was at her house Allie was at her best friend's house. We took our bikes to my house and on the way there I asked Melissa if she had any secrets she kept from her parents. She didn't really know what I was trying to get at so I told her I had a secret my parents didn't know about. The whole way home she tried getting it out of me. When we got to my house I saw Allie and her friend Kathleen sitting in the sunroom with my mom. I could tell by the look on all three of their faces that my mom had just been told something that shocked her. It was a look of anger and disgust. My mom began talking to my friend Melissa about good summer books to read. I told mom that we were riding our bikes to the store to go shopping. Mom told me she had to show me something in my room before we left. I knew right then she knew the truth. While walking up the stairs I looked back at Allie and Kathleen and the look on Allie's face gave it away. When mom walked in her room and closed the door she told me to sit on the bed. I sat down and mom looked up at me and said,” I know what Brian's been doing to you. You're safe now and he will never hurt you again.” She gave me a big hug and tears began to form in her eyes. A huge sense of relief came over me. I no longer had to live in silence. She told me we would discuss it tonight when dad got home. I could see the tears falling from my mom's eyes as she watched me walk out of her room. I met Melissa at the bottom of the stairs were the two of us went outside and got on our bikes. The whole way to the store I told Melissa what Brian and done. She was in shock. When I got home later I walked in to see my mom, Caitlin, and Allie all sitting in the kitchen. Caitlin was in disbelief and couldn't imagine Brian doing something like this. When dad finally came home he gave me a big hug and told me I don't ever have to keep a secret like this from him. Mom and dad had talked and decided dad was going to walk over to Aunt Mary's to talk to her. I walked over tonight with dad. My other uncle lives next door so I sat on his deck while my dad went to the front door. I could hear my dad asking if it was a bad time to talk. I sat there on the deck looking over at Brian's house knowing he was somewhere in there not knowing I just broke my silence. I then looked up in the sky at the stars. I began praying to God to make everything go ok and to comfort me. When dad finally came around the corner I got up and walked down the path back to our house. My dad told my Aunt Mary. She was in shock and said she would talk to Brian with Uncle Scott. For the first time in two years I am not going to bed with a terrible secret that is eating away inside me. I'm no longer alone. I can rest tonight knowing Brian will never hurt me again. Good night.

I knew it! Brian is not admitting to the truth. I hate him so much. My mom talked to aunt Mary. Aunt Mary said that Uncle Scott and she talked to Brian and he told them that Allie and me were making it up. He always told me he would not confess to it, but it just makes me so mad that he is going to try saying he didn't do any of this. My anger is boiling. My Aunt and Uncle believe Brian and aren't going to do anything about it, which has my mom furious. My mom has been trying to call my aunt all week, but no one will answer and we know they are home. My mom is planning on going to the police next.

I had a terrible Easter. It was the first time I was seeing Brian since I broke my silence. I was so scared! While flying kites I walked past him in the grass field. Brian looked at me and gave me a dirty glare. A glare I'll never forget. Brian is still lying and my parents are having a meeting with Brian's parents about the whole situation. My mom is putting Allie and I in counseling. Our first appointment is this Thursday at three. I don't know if I am ready to talk about any of this. I just wanted it all to end and go away. My Aunt Mary wanted to keep everything between my parents and her, but behind our backs she told everyone in the family and made very light of the situation, which really upsets me. She has no right to say anything because she doesn't even know any details. I've never seen my mom so hurt and angry before. Well, I will write more tomorrow. This is just the beginning of a long road ahead.

I went to the family-counseling center today. My parents, Caitlin, Allie and I all went. Our counselor's name is Judy. Judy asked a bunch of questions, which was difficult, but I managed. We set up appointments to see her every Thursday at four. Judy felt it best if I saw her by myself to see if I could start talking about the abuse. I would much rather not talk about it at all, but I know that it is unhealthy. On top of dealing with all this I am also having eye surgery in June. I am scared about that. Dad just walked in my room to see how I've been doing. Both my parents have been very supportive. Well, Chance needs to be walked. I no longer walk down the path towards Brian's house. It is like I freeze up and can't move forward so I always turn around before I get there. Mom and Dad have a second meeting with Brian's parents tonight. Mom tells me Aunt Mary doesn't want to believe Allie and me. The truth will eventually come out.

Mom was downstairs crying on the phone tonight to her friend. I overheard her saying, “I should have seen the warning signs, and they were all there for me to see.” Mom has been crying a lot. Brian is still not confessing so I took action tonight and picked up the phone and called his house. Brian happened to answer and I told him not to hang up. I was shaking and I am sure Brian could hear the quiver in my voice. I asked him why he was calling Allie and me liars. I then told Brian my mom is calling the police tomorrow morning and making a report. I then heard Brian telling his parents. Brian got back on the phone and asked if he and his parents could come over and discuss this. I told him I would call him back. Brian was the last person I wanted to see. I went downstairs and told my mom about my conversation with Brian. Mom totally disagreed with having him come over and said that would be secondary abuse to Allie and me. Uncle Scott called around eleven and left a message saying “I” wanted the meeting. I never wanted anything! There he goes again lying. My parent didn't pick it up and let the machine get the rest of it. Well, it is late and I have school tomorrow. Good night

Today I went to medieval times with my sixth-grade class. It was fun being with all my friends. Mom went to the police station and made a police report on Brian this morning. Mom has made many phone calls trying to figure out how to handle it. After school today mom sat down with Allie and me and told us that we will be going to this place called, “The Children's Advocacy Center.” It is a place where kids who have been abused go and get interviewed. Mom said it is normal to feel afraid, but not to worry as there are good people there. We are being interviewed next week at the center. The same day we leave for Colorado, April 30th. Our appointment is in the morning so mom is pulling us out of school for the whole day because we will leave for Colorado at noon, anyway. My teacher, Mrs. Miller, stopped me after school to see how I was doing. She told me she was concerned because I haven't been very happy. I told her a little of what was going on at home and she was very sorry and said if I needed to talk she was there for me. I just want things to get back to normal. I just want to be a normal kid with no worries. I'm very tired. Good night!

I saw my counselor Judy today. I talked about the interview mom was telling me about. Judy asked how I felt about it and I told her I was nervous. We also talked about my upcoming eye surgery and how scared I am about it. Judy taught me a relaxation technique to help reduce my fears and anxiety. I thought it was a crazy idea when she had me closing my eyes and imagine little holes in my feet, but when I continued to listen I actually started to feel a little at ease. Judy said we would practice it again so when I would go in for surgery I could use it. I guess the reason why I am so scared about the surgery is because I am going to have no control. Brian abused me in my sleep. Having surgery they have to put you to sleep and I don't like not being in control. Judy wished me good luck with my interview and told me to have fun in Colorado. All I have to remember is to take some deep breaths. The big day is two days away. I'm safe now and that is what I must keep reminding myself. I have so much going on in my life from breaking my silence to my upcoming eye surgery. It is too much for one kid to handle. What happened to the good days? When I knew no pain. Well, it is time for dinner. Night!

We are leaving in an hour to go to the center to be interviewed. After that it is off to Colorado. I am really nervous. I haven't told anyone the details of what Brian put me through. I hope I will be able to open up. I'm really scared right now. I have to remember to breathe. I'll write again when we are on the road to Colorado.

We are just pulling out of the Children's Advocacy Center and I made it through the morning. When we arrived a lady who is called an advocate greeted us. The advocate, Larissa, explained her role in our case. Larissa then asked us if we wanted juice boxes and bagels. About ten minutes later she came out with a warm bagel with cream cheese and juice for Allie and me and coffee for mom. The waiting room had two big couches and tons of toys. There was a TV and VCR, which had plenty of movies to choose from. Allie and I put a movie in and sat at a round table and colored. Larissa took my mom into a room to talk and closed the door. What they were talking about I have no idea. It seemed like forever before mom finally came out. Larissa pointed out all the stuffed animals on the floor and informed Allie and I that we could take one home after our interview. As Allie and me sat there pointing out the cute stuffed animals, another lady appeared and entered them room. She introduced herself as Megan. She said she was a social worker. Larissa told us we would be going to a room with her to talk. Since I am the older sister, she asked if I'd go first. While Allie and mom stayed in the waiting room,

I got up and followed the social worker. I passed a bunch of stuffed animals along the ground. I went down a hallway and was led into a small room. I immediately noticed a huge mirror in the room. I don't understand why a mirror that size would be in a room that tiny. In the room was a round table and chairs and in the corner there were beanbags. The room was very colorful. I sat down at the table and noticed the two naked dolls under the table. The social worker began asking me questions. She started by asking me if I knew the difference between the truth and a lie. I told her a lie is when someone is saying something that isn't true or made up. Megan then started to ask about my family life. About five minutes into our conversation she asked me about my cousin Brian. She then asked if I could talk about my cousin Brian with her. I took a deep breath and kept staring at myself in the large mirror. After describing different incidents where Brian took advantage of me, the social worker pulled out the two naked dolls from under the table.

I had to look away at the mirror until I could get a hold of myself. Megan kept reminding me to take my time. They never told me I was going to have to show what Brian did to me. I sat staring at the two naked dolls as images of Brian abusing me began playing over in my head. I started to show Megan with the dolls exactly what Brian did. It got harder and harder telling story after story that I tried forgetting over the past two years of the abuse. It was very difficult and I was holding back the tears. With Megan's support and encouragement I got through the interview. Although I told a lot of detail, I didn't get into how bad the abuse got. It was too painful and fresh to talk about. Megan gave me a pat on the back and told me I did wonderfully. She walked me back to my mom and Allie. Allie was still coloring, but stopped and asked me how it was before following Megan back to the room. While Allie was gone mom asked how I did. I told her I was nervous and scared, but made it through.

After the interview I felt a sense of relief. It was like ten pounds had been lifted off my shoulders. For once I didn't feel so alone and lost in the world. I now knew I had people who cared. When Allie eventually returned and Larissa came back to the waiting room and asked for mom, Larissa and mom walked away and headed for the upstairs. Allie and I played a board game called “Candy Land” while we waited. A while later mom returned and Larissa told us we did a great job today and pointed to all the stuffed animals and told us to go pick one out. She then wished us a good time in Colorado. When we got back outside the sky was blue and the sun was shinning. I took in some fresh air and was in need of this vacation. When we were pulling out of the parking lot I looked back and made a promise to myself that one day I would return to the center and show my appreciation for what they did for my family and me. I no longer feel I am alone in this scary world. We just picked up my sister Caitlin at the high school and now we are on the road to Colorado. I'll write more when we get home from Colorado. I have a sixteen-hour road trip ahead of me.

We had an awesome time in Colorado. We hiked in the mountains and passed so much wildlife. Listening to the river and the different wildlife roaming around was a soothing feeling. It brought me a sense of peace. We saw deer and elk throughout the whole trip. We also went into towns and shopped. I didn't want to leave, but had no other choice. It was good to see my dog Chance when we got back. When we got home there was a message on the machine for my mom from the detective at the police station. I later learned that the police called Brian in with his parents. The police talked to his parents first and then asked to speak to Brian alone. While speaking to Brian the detective got Brian to confess to abusing Allie and me. It was a sense of relief to know he confessed. Since my parents did not want to bring this to court and drag Allie and I through the ordeal of a trial, we agreed on having Brian get sex offender counseling, probation, and having him not be able to come within one hundred feet of Allie and me without an adult present. I just can't get over the fact that he confessed. He also has to do community service. I never thought I would see the day when Brian would confess. Well, I am glad it ended the way it did. Brian must have been feeling guilty.