Stolen Innocence (4 page)

Author unknown

It is a new year with a new start. I had a great Christmas. We had a holiday village at my school that my mom was in charge of. It was an awesome village. There was singing, dancing, food, shops, photographer, and much more. We made Christmas cookies and listened to Christmas music a day before Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve was spent at our house. All my relatives came over. Every year we draw names for a cousin to buy for. I had my cousin Mike and bought him a harmonica. It was so beautiful out. Christmas morning it snowed and we went for dinner at my Grandparents' house. For New Year's my friend Lauren came to my house in Wisconsin and we did the countdown together. We threw confetti everywhere, which mom later got upset about. It has been a good start to the New Year so far. I've met a new best friend this year named Kristin. We hang out a lot and I plan to invite her to my birthday party. We also have a student teacher in our class now. Her name is Mrs. Day. She is really nice. My birthday is also coming up. I will be twelve years old on February second. Well I have school tomorrow. Good night!

My birthday party was a blast. I had Emily, Melissa, and Kristin come to my house in Wisconsin for an overnight. We played bingo and won prizes. The next morning we went out for a walk down to the lake. The entire lake is frozen so we decided to walk on it. There were plenty of cars on the ice. Then suddenly a dog came running up to us. We couldn't get him to leave so instead we ran on the ice with the dog. It was so much fun. He followed us all the way home and we gave him a name. We called him Miracle. I wanted to keep him so bad, but my mom told me he has a family that misses him. It was like my wish from blowing out my candles was coming true. We later called the number on the dog's tags and a man with a pick-up truck came shortly after to pick the dog up. Some-day I hope my wish does come true. For now though I will have to keep dreaming. Good night!

This month has been sad. Mrs. Day is leaving and I have really grown to like her. She gave me her address to write her. Then my friend Kristin got a chocolate Labrador puppy. It was so cute and made me upset that my parents won't let me have a dog. Spring break is almost here and my Aunt Mary wants me to watch David and Jake for her. Brian and Jeff are too busy with their older guy friends to watch the boys. I really enjoy it though. I stopped over at my Aunt Mary's every day after school. She is always stopping me after school and asking me to help her out. Since our house is on the same path I walk right past it every day before and after school.

Another thing I am dealing with right now is my vision. I have an eye problem that is making me go blind. I see different eye doctors who specialize in my situation. It isn't a fun experience at all. Well, I am going to a garage sale with Allie and Emily, then we are having a sleep over.

It wasn't a dream. What happened at Grandma and Grandpa's condo seven months ago in fact did happen. It happened again today, but this time I wasn't sleeping. I was fully awake and alert. I'm so scared right now. My eyes are filled with tears and I don't know whom to turn to. I was babysitting Brian's younger brothers David and Jake. My Aunt Mary was going to the store for groceries. She told me she would be gone an hour. I began playing “hide and go seek” with David and Jake like I do most of the time when I baby sit. Brian came home when David was counting. I was about to hide when Brian told me he had an excellent hiding spot. He told me to follow behind him. I didn't think once about what happened in Wisconsin. I tried blocking that all out back when it happened. I followed Brian downstairs to the basement to a door, which brought us to this storage area where you had to crawl. Brian climbed up and then helped me. There was a lot of stored items down there. Brian grabbed blankets and told me to hide under them. I went under the blankets by myself. About a minute or two later Brian crawled over and was under the blankets with me. I was a little nervous when he got under the blankets. I could hear David upstairs walking around looking for us. Brian slowly started to touch me. I didn't say anything at first, but then he started to get aggressive by putting his mouth on mine and trying to kiss me. I tried pushing him off, but he then just got on top of me and he is twice my size. He lay on top of me and started to touch me. Slipping his hands down my pants and all I wanted to do was cry. Over and over I asked him to please stop. I was terrified and couldn't believe what was happening to me. His hands slipping down my pants and up my shirt. His heart pounding against mine. We then heard David opening the door to the storage area. Brian told me to get quiet. I wanted to scream, but didn't want David to see anything even though it was extremely dark. I don't think David would be able to understand nor see what was happening. I heard David turn around and make his way back upstairs while Brian continued to touch me. It went on until we heard my Aunt Mary's high heels on the tile floor above us coming in. Brian quickly made his way to exit and left me by myself. I came up a few minutes later where I saw David sitting with Jake watching cartoons. David looked at me and said, “Where were you this whole time?” I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything at all. My Aunt Mary paid me and I walked home. The whole way home I sobbed. Over and over in my head I thought about what just happened. In school once we had a guy called Officer Friendly come in and teach us about stranger danger. Never to answer the door when your parents aren't home. Never talk to strangers. I thought people like Brian jumped out of bushes at night and attacked you. I was never warned about my own family. They don't teach you that in school. At dinner tonight I didn't say much. I was too upset, but tried not to show it. Mom noticed I seemed down and asked what was wrong. I told her it was nothing but she thought it had to do with my eyes.

My vision problems have been getting worse and the doctors say surgery is in the future. I can't even think about that right now. I went straight to my bedroom after dinner and didn't even do my homework. I am laying here on my bed in almost complete darkness except for my night light that gives off enough light for me to write. I don't think I will be getting much sleep tonight. I'm really scared! I just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare. This can't be happening. I feel so alone and confused. I just want it to stop!

This month has been terrible, but my dream for years finally came true. I always wondered how many more birthday candles would I blow out until I had my wish come true. Well my wish finally came true today totally unexpected. I came home from school and found a note that my mom left me stating she went shopping and would be back later. Around 5:30 p.m. I got off the phone with Emily when my mom whistled for me. She asked me to help carry in a few things. When I got outside and walked to the bottom of the stairs and looked up at the car I saw a huge dog sitting in the front seat. I was screaming with excitement and thanking my mom over and over again. Giving her the biggest hug ever. She told me his name was Chance and he was a Labrador retriever. I put the dog on his leash and while mom was putting his metal cage together I ran over to Emily's house to show her. Emily thought I was lying since she knew how much my dad disliked the idea of having a dog. Which got me thinking how did mom convince dad. We walked back over to my house where mom was still in the garage working on the cage and I asked her how she convinced dad. She told me she didn't convince him she did it without his knowledge. Emily and I took the dog down the path over to my Aunt Mary's where Allie went after school. I could see Brian in the kitchen when I walked up the back yard but just avoided looking at him. Through the window I told Allie and she didn't believe me nor did anyone else. They all know how much my dad would never let me get a dog. Allie called home and learned that it was true. When Dad got home he wasn't too happy to see the dog. In fact he pretended he didn't see it at first and walked right past my mom as she set up the cage. My mom decided to get me the dog because of all the problems I was having with my vision. When Caitlin got home tonight I was outside with the dog and she thought I was dog sitting for someone. When I turned to her and said, “Like our new dog.” Her mouth dropped and couldn't believe it. It has been a good night! One I will count my lucky stars for. The nights haven't been good in a long time. I am up with nightmares and I cry myself to sleep a lot. I hope this dog helps take away some of my loneliness! Good night!

June 5th was the last day of school. It was a fun last week. Most of my friends are looking forward to the summer. I'd rather stay in school. I will be babysitting for my Aunt Mary. Brian touched me again last week. I was upstairs with the boys watching them play Nintendo. We were in Brian and Jeff's room. Brian came in and began trying to sit on me. I struggled with him but it was too late. He was on top of me before I knew it. He slowly began slipping his hands down my pants then started going up my shirt and felt my chest. I didn't want to draw attention to what he was doing because the boys were in the room. So I stayed silent hoping it would end soon. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm just really scared right now. It is going to be the summer of hell. Emily is on her way over so I must end this for now.

The Fourth of July parade was fun. We went to dinner with the whole family and watched fireworks. So far this summer I've been swimming, tubing, sleepovers, sitting around campfires, and babysitting. Everything has been good except when I baby-sit. Yesterday I was over at Brian's playing “hide and go seek” with David and Jake. Brian came upstairs and followed me into the bathroom. I then watched him lock the door. I was terrified and knew what was about to happen. The look in Brian's eyes tells it all. It's a look of excitement and determination. I struggled with Brian. Fighting my way to unlock the door. Brian is a lot bigger than me. He is a high school football player with a lot of strength, but I wasn't about to give up without a fight. Brian eventually pushed me into the shower and up against the wall. Forcing his body on me. He began smiling and I could tell he saw the terror in my face. He began to force his hands down my pants. I was screaming for my sister, but she had no idea what was happening. I threatened Brian that I was going to tell on him and he just threatened me back saying no one would believe me. I eventually pushed Brian off me and was able to unlock the door. I walked home immediately after it happened. I want to tell someone, but who is going to believe me? I'm so scared! HELP!

It happened again, this time in Brian's bedroom closet. I was upstairs watching the younger boys when I heard Brian come home. I immediately climbed into Brian's closet praying he wouldn't come up stairs looking for me. It was to late. Brian asked the boys if they knew where I was and they told him I had just been in the room. Brian must have known I was hiding because he began roaming the upstairs for me. Brian is like a mountain lion looking for his next attack. Never knowing when he will strike. The younger boys continued to play Nintendo and Brian came back in the room looking. When Brian opened his closet I sat as still as possible, but Brian discovered me. He told me I couldn't outsmart him. He climbed in the closet and closed the door. He slowly began touching me as I begged him to please stop. Slipping his hands down my pants. He ignored my pleas and continued to touch me. His hands so rough and large compared to my tiny hands. I try pushing him away, but it doesn't stop him. Instead he becomes more aggressive. The closet was small so it made it harder to fight Brian off. All I could hear was the sound of the Nintendo game the boys were playing in the room they had no idea what was happening. I honestly think if they did see Brian touching me they wouldn't think anything of it since they are too young to understand. I knew I couldn't fight Brian off so instead I held my breath and closed my eyes hoping it would end soon. He eventually stopped when David and Jake came looking for me. Brian whispered in my ear that if I told anyone they wouldn't believe me. The truth is I am afraid to tell. I feel Brian is right and no one will believe me and I don't want to destroy our family. I'm afraid if I tell I will be in trouble for not telling sooner. I don't know what else to do. All I do is pray. Pray that someone other than myself will hear my pleas for help. I sometimes hope mom will discover my diary and read it.