The Boudoir Bible (22 page)

Once you have hung the “Do Not Disturb” sign outside the securely locked door, check whether there is a gap between the bottom of the door and the floor. If there is, roll up a towel and place it
snugly over the crack. If you can still hear people chatting in the corridor, then you can be certain that they will also be able to hear you. Be respectful of your neighbors. If you brought along instruments that could make compromising noises, like crops or floggers, you will need to either restrain your strikes or refrain from their use completely. Otherwise, the hotel manager may be knocking at your door!

Erecting the temple beyond the comfort and privacy of the home can present interesting limits and may result in the discovery of new sensations that would otherwise have remained unexplored. Remember, there is a great deal to be learned from limits!

If you are a nature buff, you may find playing outdoors appealing, when weather permits. Dealing with or surpassing the limits of the great outdoors can be a fun challenge. The sight and scents of wild-flowers in bloom, the musky perfume of mossy cushions, and the magic of sunlight penetrating the leaves to dapple the ground can transform anyone into a naughty nymph or satyr.

If you plan to turn a
déjeuner sur l’herbe
into a mythic frolic, make sure that you are on secluded property. Personal security is crucial to the outcome of the sexual ritual, no matter where it is elaborated. If you decide to celebrate your ceremony outdoors, you should do so on your own land, or on land belonging to a friend or organization that shares your good intentions. Public parks and gardens, no matter how big or wooded they may be, should never be the site you choose. No public environment is private enough.

Venerating each other outdoors requires that we be aware of fauna and even flora that might be lurking. The lack of control that we have over Mother Nature can render outdoor ceremonies more complicated—no one welcomes scorpions, snakes, ticks, or bears in
the ritual space. Nor does everyone enjoy the nonconsensual sting of nettles! Many complications can be avoided by simply being attentive to your surroundings.

If you are unable to completely guarantee privacy, comfort, and safety, but you have the privilege to be close to nature’s embrace, in the course of a lengthy Sexual Ceremony you might wish to take your “intermissions” outdoors. Pack a picnic, or take a walk in the woods. It will give you the chance to become fully aware of the effects of your heightened levels of pleasure. Breathe deeply, and allow the sexual vibration to flow into and regenerate your entire being before you return to your indoor temple.

Whether the final aesthetic of the temple has elements of nature, Zen austerity, gothic moodiness, baroque grandeur, or is simply hard-edged modern, the space should reflect the sexual palates of both partners. As in the hermetic temples of the teachers of ancient Tantric disciplines, the atmosphere of a space can be designed to transport you straight from reality into your sexual dimension. The longer and more sophisticated the ritual, the more attention to preparation is desirable. Though at first this preparation may seem time-consuming, once lovers have refined their ceremonial skills, all the many tasks associated with preparing for the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony will become highly enjoyable and even natural.

Keep in mind that the more intense a sexual ritual is, the more likely the participants are to experience long-term elation, the effect of the endorphin high. After ceremonies that have lasted for more than a few hours, venturing into reality may be slightly disorienting. Take as much time as you need to “come down” (driving on a “sexual high” or mingling with ordinary folk in supermarkets while under the effects of the erotic trance will do nothing to sustain those ecstatic rhythms). In the aftermath of the euphoric state, be aware that you may feel slightly estranged from reality, but that will reveal just to what extent you have flown on the wings of Paradise.

THE TEMPLE OF
your ritual space has been erected, and you are ready to close the doors on reality. You’ve prepared not only your body, mind, and spirit, but the ritual space as well, to fully honor each and every sense and thereby each other.

Pull the curtains closed, and light a candle or incense to signal the beginning of the ceremony. Incense has been used in many cultures to purify temples, and whether you choose frankincense, myrrh, or floral notes, its sacred accent will lead you toward the ritual dimension. Use essential oils as well as scented candles for erotic effect. The flames of candles cast magical, dancing shadows, and there is simply no one who does not become even more beautiful in their warm glow.

We tend to believe that our sense of touch is the most essential of the five senses to our pleasure, as it builds sexual tension faster than sight, hearing, smell, or taste. Catering erotically to every sense
nourishes desire—the foundation of every creative impulse—as well as our perception of pleasures. The senses actually work best in unison, and the more they are strummed together with erotic intent, the more receptive to sensations we become.

Men have been considered to be more visual than women, but in reality, for both sexes, the sense of sight is important in enhancing pleasure. It sparks desire, creates an intimate bond, and nourishes the flame of sexual passion throughout the duration of the sexual encounter. Unless you and your partner are reenacting a sexy medical scene that calls for bright light, turn the lights down low—but don’t turn them off! Skilled lovers stay constantly aware of their partner’s response to their loving attention, and this is simply impossible in the dark. If you cannot see the target of your passionate intentions or visually appreciate the beauty of their ecstasy, the lights are too low.

You have the ability to stop time in the temple. Create an eternal evening with soft, indirect light, even if the Sexual Ceremony commences while the sun is still high in the sky. This changes your perception of the passing of time, reinforcing the “otherworldly,” ritual dimension of the ceremony. Wrap lampshades with scarves or fabric swatches, and further enhance the lighting by placing lamps on the floor, as indirect light from below is more atmospheric than from above.

Further delight the sense of sight with mirrors, considered by many to be the cornerstones of the temple’s architecture. As bodies collide in paradisiacal rapture, large strategically placed mirrors will reflect a global vision of your ecstatic endeavors. Handheld mirrors tease with intimate close-up views. Mirrors evoke the thrill of group sex without presenting any of the real risks and unavoidable
complications inherent to orgies. For the voyeur, mirrors are an excellent alternative to the use of pornography; they have the advantage of transmitting real sex, in real time!

And yet another word on the pagan feast for the eyes (and ears): pornography. We cannot pass through the visual realm without acknowledging that many people enjoy watching porn and use it as a potent audiovisual aphrodisiac, as well as an effective way to jump-start sexual desire. Pornography can be an effective point of ceremonial departure for some; for others, it keeps the sexual vibration from subsiding during an intermission.

If you use pornography, give it a proper place in the ceremonial context—in other words, don’t let it take a front-row seat in the ritual space, as this is where you and your lover should be. The television screen is a modern pleasure-inhibitor, as there is nothing more frustrating than a distracted lover. If one eye is on you and the other on the screen, rest assured, your partner is fully dedicated neither to your pleasure nor his or her own. If you like porn, consider it “wallpaper in motion” or an ambient backdrop, turn off its audio and put on some sexy, sultry music in its place.

Appease the sense of sight with each and every detail—cleanliness and order delight the eye as much as beautiful materials do. Tools should be clean and arranged in an aesthetic invitation to play.

Music has been used to set the mood of nearly every ceremony that humankind celebrates, and the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony is no exception. Music can inspire intimacy as it reinforces our physical, mental, and spiritual states. Choose music that will enhance the ceremonial mood, whether you commence dancing, performing a solo striptease, or, with no further ado, writhing together in ecstatic harmony.

Classical music relaxes the spirit and exalts the emotions. Before the ritual begins, turn down the volume of the music so that it melts into the background. This will not only heighten your concentration but also give precedence to the most beautiful songs of all, those we naturally make when the chords of ecstasy are strummed.

To repress these “songs of passion” is to perpetuate the Victorian myth that proper ladies and gentlemen should not audibly manifest sexual gratification. Refrain from taking this myth to bed, and your satisfaction will soar. As beautiful as the songs may be, they are likely to be interpreted as disturbing noise to those not playing a part in your symphony! If the temple is less than soundproof, playing music will create a sound barrier. Set the volume carefully to allow you and your partner to hear each other as well as mask your sighs and cries from the ears of next-door neighbors. By ensuring your privacy, it will enhance your sense of freedom.

As well as being a powerful aphrodisiac, the songs of pleasure that lovers spontaneously “sing” constitute a subtle erotic vocabulary. Breathing patterns alert the attentive lover to varying degrees of arousal. Short and fast breaths, accompanied by deep sighs and inarticulate
ummmms
and
ahhhhs
indicate mounting sexual tension and a general state of receptivity. As breathing patterns become increasingly rapid, anticipate an imminent, cresting, orgasmic wave.

In the case of intense sensations being administered, however, a similar breathing pattern accompanied by the body’s tensing, can be a sign that the sensory limits of your partner are being pushed. If he or she recoils, respond by decreasing the intensity or changing focus. A partner who passively submits to sexual play that he or she is not enjoying is as responsible as one who does not properly interpret a negative reaction; emotional if not physical distress will be the result.

Don’t forget the beauty of the spoken word as an aphrodisiac! When you know what your partner best enjoys, tell him or her that you would like to give this pleasure. If your lover’s response is positive,
use the power of anticipation. Make him or her ask you in turn for it—or even beg! Anticipation has the advantage of prepping the brain, and your lover’s mind will become intensely focused on the promised pleasure. When you finally provide the desired sensation, your lover will appreciate its effects all the more!

In any sanctuary, especially one of erotic loving, harsh tones and gestures break the mood of ceremony. However, when lovers delve into explorations of reenactment versus reality, the language of aggression may set the mood for certain forms of hierarchical role-play. For example, in the context of a consensual sexual scenario that entails power play—doctor/patient, teacher/student, master/servant—ritualized verbal aggression may be the appreciated prelude to an erotic discipline. This is explored further in the chapter “
The Joy of Play: The Roles of Provider and Receiver
.”

The language of love and food share the same tongue. A candlelit dinner is often the prelude to sexual revelry. The level of sensory excitement kindled by a beautiful meal strokes the libido, particularly if those savoring the oysters or cracking the lobster’s claws have more intimate plans for the evening. Taking your taste buds into account is an excellent preliminary ritual, an ideal intermission, or a ravishing way to terminate the Sexual Ceremony. Preserve and promote the culinary arts and the related rituals of the table. Like the art of loving, this should be considered a priority for us all.

If the ceremony is due to last, place bowls of delectable, nutritious delights at fingers’ reach. A few tasty examples of nutritional energy sources that will help partners maintain their stamina are fresh fruit, dried fruit, nuts, candied ginger (which cleanses the palate, enhances circulation, and rejuvenates), and chocolate.

Chocolate has long been associated with rituals, sex, and sentiments, and it is a perfect accompaniment to the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony. Science is still trying to unwrap the mysteries that surround the sexy, dark brown delight that makes us feel so good. Research reveals that cacao naturally contains alkaloids like tryptophan and phenylethylamine, which trigger neurotransmitters in the brain. Neurotransmitters carry electrical messages between nerve cells, altering the way we feel and perceive sensations. The presence of phenylethylamine has also been tracked in the bloodstream of individuals who are in the state of falling in love! Like tryptophan, it incites a vertiginous feeling of excitement, elation, and happiness. The brain uses tryptophan to incite the production of serotonin—one of the body’s natural antidepressants and yet another biochemical explanation for the “chocolate high.”