The Boudoir Bible (19 page)
Authors: Betony Vernon
Once you have penetrated the entire length of the anal canal, you may have the opportunity to explore the soft walls of the rectum, as long as your lover is receptive. Make a mental note of its shape and its sweet curve. Your understanding of its particularities will be important if you plan to engage in more advanced play, especially if it involves the use of dilettos, which may not correspond exactly to its curve. Always make sure that the anus is well dilated before inserting a diletto, penis, or more than one finger.
Note that when the genitals are stimulated during anal penetration, by either of you, the anal sphincters will clamp firmly down around your finger (or other object of penetration). This reaction should not be confused with anal tension. On the contrary, as soon as genital stimulation ceases, you will notice that the sphincters will relax even more, ready to reacquaint themselves with more delightful intrusions.
If your partner is male, his penis may not necessarily become erect during anal penetration, which is not indicative of the degree of pleasure that he is experiencing. Some men simply prefer to revel in one pleasure or the other—the simultaneous provision of anal penetration and genital stimulation can cause sensory overload and distract him from enjoying either pleasure to the fullest.
Whether you are male or female, indulging in the delectable joys of skillful anal penetration can incite unprecedented states of heightened sexual arousal. By setting shame and inhibition aside, we can reap more of the titillating benefits that sexual bliss bestow upon body, mind, and spirit.
The anus provides access to the divine P-spot in men, but if your lover is a woman and thoroughly enjoys anal penetration, once you have dilated her anus enough to penetrate it comfortably, you may use your penis or diletto to target her G-spot through the wall that divides the vaginal canal from the anal canal. Remember that careless anal-to-vaginal contact is likely to cause infection.
If your partner is male and is thoroughly enjoying himself, once the muscular anal canal has been surpassed, you may locate the prostate gland. It lies approximately 3 inches (7 centimeters) inside the anal canal, behind the upper wall of the rectum. It can be found by making a “come hither” gesture with your inserted finger, in the direction of the navel. The prostate gland is often referred to as the “P-spot” to reinforce its similarities with the female G-spot, and, like the female prostate, the male prostate tends to respond better to deep, circular strokes and firm, controlled pressure. Once you have made contact with the organ, take your time to gradually and carefully explore its shape, size, and texture. These characteristics will vary slightly from male to male, but a healthy prostate normally presents itself in a smooth, firm state, with well-rounded contours and a slightly indented center.
With care and erotic intent, proceed to gently massage the prostate along its outer edges, rather than in its center (unless your lover tells you to do otherwise). Its distinctive, ovoid chestnut shape will have become swollen with pleasure. The more a man is aroused, the more blood will rush toward the P-spot, rendering the gland increasingly sensitive. Heightened degrees of arousal also incite the production of ejaculate fluid. While every prostate differs slightly in size and consistency, they all share the same capacity to bestow deeply satisfying sensations.
During prostate stimulation, remain aware of your lover’s responses, and regulate the depth and intensity of the massage
accordingly. As long as the receiver is ecstatically reveling, direct contact may continue. Again, let your lover be your guide, verbally and physically, at all times.
As his excitement mounts, you may feel the organ pulsing under your fingertip; this is known as the “prostate flutter.” If the man practices a consciously controlled breathing pattern, the energy now being generated inside the gland may be coaxed to spread throughout the entire body. P-spot stimulation is hailed for sparking deep, full-body pleasure. Some men claim the intensity of the sensations of direct contact with the prostate to be equal, if not superior, to those created by genital stimulation.
During heightened degrees of arousal, men may emit prostate fluid with the P-spot orgasm. Like semen, this fluid is white in color, but its consistency is denser than semen; it actually lends the male emission its distinctive characteristics. P-spot orgasms that result in prostate-fluid emission do not emit sperm and so do not compromise the erection or, therefore, the progression of the Sexual Ceremony.
Prostate massage invites fresh, oxygenated blood to circulate through the gland; it provides sexual pleasure and also keeps the organ toned. While one man learns to appreciate anal penetration and prostate massage, another will remain adamant about not having his anus penetrated, much less his prostate stimulated. But sooner or later, virtually every man will become familiar with his prostate—at the doctor’s office! Prostate problems usually manifest in men over sixty years of age. Could this be due to a lack of prostate stimulation?
If you do not wish to allow your partner to stimulate your prostate gland, you might consider doing so, on your own, during masturbation. This should ideally be done in coordination with exercises detailed in the chapter “
The Genital Gym: Strengthening the Pubococcygeal Muscle
” in order to heighten your anal awareness and bring fresh, oxygenated blood to the area. This will gradually reduce anal tension and facilitate penetration.
Men, if you are not comfortable with penetration, the prostate can also be located and massaged externally during masturbation, via the perineum, with your fingers or knuckles. During the exercise, the entirety of the lower penile shaft, which extends from the base of the scrotum and down toward the anus, should also be massaged with slow, firm gestures.
When you are well aroused, locate the indentation that lies in the area just above the anus. Firmly press the perineal wall inward and upward until you feel distinct, pulsating sensations emanating from the prostate, then gradually apply deeper pressure to the gland. Folding the knees toward the chest will facilitate access to this portion of the perineum and permit for a deeper massage. Some men find that the area of the perineum that lies closer to the scrotum also provides similar sensations. Explore, and you will discover what works best for you. While the effects of the external stimulation are not as immediate as when the prostate is approached internally, they will provide pleasure all the same. And becoming familiar with and learning to accept this aspect of your sexual anatomy may eventually tempt you to discover the enhanced sensations of prostate massage through anal play.
The ideal position to facilitate anal stimulation and penetration, as well as prostate massage, will differ from person to person. You might like to lie on your back with legs extended and knees bent up toward the chest as described above, or with the feet planted firmly on the surface on which you are lying. The latter position allows you to have greater control over the movement of your hips and, therefore the depth of penetration. You might prefer to position your buttocks on the edge of a bed for the same reasons, as well as to facilitate
entry. If you are a novice to anal penetration, you might prefer lying on your back, which has the added advantage of permitting direct eye contact with the provider of your pleasure, and thus both verbal and nonverbal communication. If you are more experienced, you might enjoy being penetrated while bound (see
plate VI
) or from behind—either while lying flat on your stomach, bending forward and bracing yourself from a standing position, or positioning yourself on all fours.
The anal-penetration aficionado often invests in a sling. This type of hammock is sometimes reinforced to be more flat and rigid. Slings provide numerous advantages beyond easy anal access; most enticingly, because the body is suspended in air, slings induce an immediate feeling of floating relaxation that lends itself to receptivity.
Experimentation will reveal the positions that work best for each individual. No matter the details, anal penetration should always be performed gradually and in harmony with the receiving partner’s needs and desires. However small or large the favored object of penetration may be, if the receiver is fully aroused and relaxed, you will note with delight how his or her sphincter will cease resisting penetration and actually begin to suck the penetrator inward. The depth of the thrusts should then be regulated according to the lover’s needs and desires.
The anal arena should be a source of exhilarating and intensely gratifying pleasure, for both women and men, no matter their sexual orientation. Embrace the anus and the interrelated internal organs as integrated parts of their sexual anatomy, and expand your sexual repertoire!
In which Paradise beckons, and lovers abandon themselves to the profound sensual pleasures that rule the realm of erotic revelry.
THE ANCIENT GREEKS
planned and carried out elaborate sexual rituals, both privately and publicly, in the form of the sacred orgy. As well as providing the attainment of deep satisfaction, sex was a spiritual endeavor—a means of venerating the gods and goddesses. On days of worship, temples dedicated to Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty, Demeter, the goddess of fertility, and Dionysus, the god of wine and ecstasy, were purified and decorated with the intent to cater to
the senses, promote erotic revelry, and coax devotees to abandon themselves to the sexual realm.
Bathing was an important aspect of their sexual ceremonies; water, like food and wine, was plentiful. The aroma of incense and fresh flowers mingled with the distinct musk of sex and rose to the heavens. Soft cushions made of finely woven fabrics from faraway lands framed the libidinous landscape of inebriated lovers gyrating in harmony to lascivious tunes wafting from the flutes and lyres of dancing
auletrides
. These sultry sacred prostitutes helped the hetaerae—the most seductive, powerful, and wealthy women in ancient Greece—to fund, with the art of loving, the raising of some of the most lavish temples in the ancient world.
The goal of the devoted worshippers was to become one with themselves, their partners, and ultimately with the gods and goddesses who commanded the generating forces of the universe. Body, mind, and spirit became charged with the sexual vibration over the course of extended periods of arousal as lovers merged.
Such sacred rituals are an ecstatic source of inspiration for your elaboration of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony—whether you are married or single, heterosexual or homosexual, have children or not. By learning to engage the entire body, mind, and spirit as a sexual, sensual whole, lovers transcend the doldrums of predominantly genitally oriented (PGO) sex to experience together the greater dimensions of the sacred realm of pleasure.
This transcension evolves spontaneously, ritual after creative ritual, when lovers are emotionally connected and experienced in the arts of the Sexual Ceremony. But if an experienced lover wishes to initiate a novice and share its powers, this should be done gradually and only with his or her consent.
The Sexual Ceremony begins with mindful preparation, which transforms into sexual anticipation; continues in the development and evolution of sexual pleasures with a partner, transforming the gradual mounting of sexual tension into the highest peaks of mutual pleasure; and ends with a slow “coming down” from the sexual high, which transforms into deeply intimate shared bonds and satisfaction.
PLATE IX
BONDAGE SESSION WITH FRENCH BOWLINE (CORD CUFFS), SHOWING “NO” ZONES
PLATE X
HOG-TIE BONDAGE SESSION WITH CORDS, CHEST HARNESS, BLINDFOLD, MOUTH GAG, AND NIPPLE CLAMPS
PLATE XI
THE PRUSIK KNOT
PLATE XII
THE BASIC SHIBARI RESTRAINT
The benefits of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony cannot be overstated. Nourishing the vitality of the libido regularly and in a ritualized context unites lovers and revives the luster and spontaneity of long-term monogamous relationships—evoking the beginning of the relationship and those precious hours stolen away in the service of ecstasy. The Sexual Ceremony has the power to reignite the spontaneity of the sexual vibration that first bound you together, as well as enforce the bond of new love. Making sexual satisfaction a priority is essential to the harmony, happiness, and longevity of all couples.
The easiest way to initiate a novice is to invite him or her to read the introduction to
The Boudoir Bible
, but the best way, if the laws of attraction haven’t already gotten you in a frenzy, is to talk with the novice about the philosophy of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony. Few will argue with the generous nature of your ecstatic intentions—to accompany them on the discovery of the extent of his or her pleasure potential. But never try to force your ideas on anyone.
If a novice accepts your invitation, expound on the merits of your favorite tools and techniques. Be the example: voice your own needs and desires as well as your limits, and encourage your partner to do likewise. Listen and help him or her to overcome any embarrassment that communication about sexual matters can evoke, especially if physical or emotional limits are a concern. It will set a positive tone to the ritual, inspire trust, and put new partners at ease.
If the novice is a man, and you bring up the subject of ejaculation control, be prepared to explain why you shouldn’t be misunderstood
for an inconsiderate lover. The novice woman is less likely to object to the idea of being venerated at length. But in light of the fact that many women have “masculinized” their pleasure in order to adapt to the limitations of male sexual urgency, and others have yet even to experience orgasm, the need to explain the benefits of extended playtime remain, equally pertinent.
Whether one is a novice or experienced, personal limits change from day to day, from ritual to ritual, and from partner to partner; no single sexual encounter will ever be just like another. This is one of the many reasons for developing and refining sexual communication skills, and it is essential to a positive outcome, even when partners think they know each other well. The best time to share limits—physical, emotional, or even spiritual—is
before
the Sexual Ceremony begins. These “guidelines” for your partner may indicate that you don’t wish to venture into anal territory, for example, or that you feel too vulnerable to be bound. Open, honest communication helps to ensure a heavenly ascent!
At the dawn of the Christian era, after the gods and goddesses of fertility, wine, and love were dethroned from the heavens, the concept of planning for sexual pleasure was likewise desanctified. The Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony brings the sacred back into sex, allowing us to create our own personal paradise where the stresses of everyday life, as well as the doldrums of everyday sex (or lack thereof!) can be transcended with profound sexual pleasure.
Most people consider great sex to be the ripe fruit of spontaneity and the idea of “planning” for pleasure synonymous with the extinction of the mysteries of sex. But in the context of the Sexual Ceremony, good planning is actually the fuel of spontaneity and inspiration.
Planning the ceremony a day or two days or even two weeks in advance is a potent form of psychological foreplay. It leads to sexual anticipation even before you and your partner have closed the doors on reality and commenced your ascent into the sexual dimension together. Planning ahead also permits you to thoughtfully clear away the reminders of everyday life, set the stage for the fulfillment of your desires, and prime your minds and bodies for the reception of pleasure. And then, once the curtains are drawn and the candles are lit, it is time to enjoy …
Lovers meet in the sacred space they have prepared with only one intention: to seek and provide sensual pleasure together. They abandon themselves to it, allowing the ceremony to progress in a crescendo of gradually more intense sensations focused on pleasure alone until a hypnotic “buzz”—an erotic trance—lifts them to ecstatic heights.
As in any ceremony, the Sexual Ceremony unfolds in phases, or sessions. These phases may be determined by a theme or a specific tool or technique, but they are always commanded by desire and unravel spontaneously through the ecstatic interaction of aroused partners. The ability of lovers to gradually heighten sexual tension through genital and extra-genital stimulation shapes the delectable rhythm of each phase. Worship the most plentiful source of the sexual vibration—the genitals—in alternation or in coordination with other erogenous zones of the body throughout the duration of the session. One of you may beg for more, but the limits established at the beginning of the ceremony must be respected. Women, explore your multiorgasmic capacity; men, ride the highest orgasmic wave over and over, until the pleasures become unbearable and crash over you, signaling the ending of the ceremony.
The longer and more intense the journey, the higher lovers are likely to fly and the more time they will need to come down from the inebriating effects of endorphin elation. This culmination may be only one of many phases in the overall ceremony, or it may be the final “coming down” of two deeply satiated lovers. Taking the time to revel in the afterglow infuses the body, mind, and spirit with physical and emotional benefits.
Your descent from the heavenly heights will be as pleasurable as the ascent when you come down gently together—lying together, bathing each other, or preparing a ritual meal in preparation for your return to reality. Appreciate the moment—now that you have the keys to your personal Paradise, you may open that door together again whenever you wish.