The Boudoir Bible (17 page)

The decline of the Roman Empire saw the rise of Christianity, marking the fall of the Western world’s freedom of sexual expression. By 500 A.D., sodomy had become synonymous with sin, as did same-sex relations and any other sexual behavior enjoyed purely for the sake of pleasure and not for procreation. Of course, this did not put an end to sex for the sake of sex, but it became the foundation for the pleasure taboo.

The term “homosexual,” relating to the homosexual identity as we understand it today, did not emerge until the end of the nineteenth century. It is attributed to British physician, psychologist, and social reformer Havelock Ellis, the author of
Sexual Inversion
. Written in 1896, this was the first medical textbook to deal objectively with homosexuality.

Austrian psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud was the first sexual researcher to take an openly positive stance in regard to anal eroticism, but his conclusions were limited to childhood development. He concluded that children instinctively procure auto-gratification via the erogenous zones of the body in three stages—beginning with the mouth at birth (the oral stage), the anus at approximately one and a half years (the anal stage), and finally the genitals, at approximately three years (the phallic stage).

According to Freud, during the anal stages of infantile sexuality, both anal sensations and anal functions (the expulsion or retention of feces) become a child’s psychosexual obsession. Freud declared the pleasures thus derived to be natural, even fundamental, aspects of childhood development. He reduced the derivation of anally derived pleasure in sexually mature adults, on the other hand, to childish behavior—the consequence of developmental arrest during the anal stage of development.

Freud openly declared that same-sex attraction between humans is natural, and that bisexuality is innate, but like his contemporaries,
he failed to more profoundly address, much less advocate, the equally controversial topic of anal eroticism in adults. To do so at the turn of the twentieth century would undoubtedly have posed a certain risk, considering that sodomy was still deemed to be abnormal and even pathological. Anyone who engaged in such pleasures, male or female, was at peril of being persecuted, put under medical treatment, or both. Freud’s failure to address the topic of anal pleasure in sexually mature adults may have also been defensive. His homosexual inclinations, in particular toward his disciples Sándor Ferenczi and Carl Jung, are not the best-kept secrets.

It was not until the sexual liberation movement went into full swing at the end of the 1960s that sociosexual mores would begin to change. But certain behaviors remain controversial, including sodomy and same-sex relations. In spite of Gay Pride, which was jump-started by the Stonewall riots on June 29, 1969, in New York City, persecution of homosexuals is still promulgated in the medical and psychiatric spheres, and clinics that claim to “cure” homosexuality still exist. Due in part to the fact that information concerning anal health and pleasure is still mostly confined to the male homosexual community, the myths and misconceptions surrounding the topic of anal sex have yet to be completely debunked.

While heterosexual men may be reluctant to receive anal stimulation, they have been traditionally much less hesitant about providing it for their female partners. There is probably not a single culture that has not recognized anal sex as the most obvious way to partake in the pleasures of penetration with women without paying the procreative consequences. (In reality, anal sex is not 100 percent effective as a form of birth control. If semen leaks out of the anus, eager sperm may also swim into the Fallopian tubes via the crimson warmth of the uterus, where their sole mission in life may be accomplished—union with a ready ovum.)

Most straight men are reluctant to engage in anal stimulation, believing that if they accept and enjoy anal contact, their female partner will accuse them of “being gay,” or that they will “turn” homosexual. But it should be understood that this pleasure is
not
the sole provenance of the homosexual male! Charged with nerve endings, the anus is capable of providing intensely pleasant sensations. Penetrating the anus also happens to be the only direct way to access a man’s prostate gland or P-spot (the anatomical equivalent of the female G-spot) and revel in the deep, full-body sensations that manual stimulation can provide.

Before the discovery of the female prostate, the anus was considered to be the only part of the sexual anatomy that both men and women had, and therefore the only source of sexual pleasure that might be physically compared. As with the idea of female ejaculation, disconcerting gender similarities may be one subtle reason that anal sex became, and remains deeply rooted in, taboo.

The functions of the rectum and anus to retain and eliminate waste is the least subtle reason why many consider these bodily parts with repulsion and shame. This primal aversion is ingrained in each of us; even the most sexually liberated of parents will unthinkingly transmit the anal taboo to their children. The slightest grimace of disgust, repeated during diaper change after diaper change, day after day for at least two years of every child’s life, is bound to make an impact on the way that child feels about the anus and its function by the time he or she reaches adulthood. (Parents, make a conscious effort to smile at your babies during diaper changes, and you will make a proactive gesture toward dismantling the anal taboo in subsequent generations.)

Another fear that inhibits lovers from engaging in anal sex, no matter their gender or sexual orientation, is that the practice will inevitably entail pain. It’s true that the sensitive anus can be a source of extreme agony when mistreated. But when it is approached with care,
skill, and consent, the anus can provide equally extreme degrees of pleasure! Extended playtime and heightened states of arousal will cause the anus to swell and dilate, just like the genitals, rendering it receptive to stimulation. Having something enter or exit your anus is easier upon your exhalation, so it is important to remember to breathe! If you are the one providing the pleasure, let your partner’s breath be your guide. Because the anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina, the abundant use of lubricants is essential to pleasurable anal stimulation.

Silicone-, glycerin-, or water-based lubricants eliminate the friction that we associate with discomfort. It also eliminates the chafing and irritation that may be experienced with the use of latex condoms, with the added advantage of minimizing condom breakage. While saliva will do in a pinch if a partner is highly aroused, receptive, and therefore dilated, it is not as effective as lubricants designed specifically for enhanced sexual pleasure.

Oil-based lubricants such as olive oil or the baking ingredient Crisco (a hydrogenated oil) are not safe alternatives to lubrication. As conducive as they may be to penetration, they leave insoluble residues in the anal (or vaginal) canal that are difficult for the body to eliminate. And oils are
not
latex friendly! This includes “baby oil”—a common bedside component. The use of oils in the boudoir should be reserved for the purpose of massaging the body, not the genitals or the anus.

The digestive tract begins with the mouth and ends with the anus. It includes the stomach, small intestine, large intestine, rectum, and anal
canal, sometimes called the lower rectum. Two muscles, the internal and the external anal sphincters, surround the margin of the anus. Our ability to consciously relax the external sphincter muscles, which are composed of skeletal, or striated, muscle and so lie under our voluntary control, is essential to regulating the pleasures of anal penetration. The internal anal sphincter, composed of smooth muscle, is an involuntary muscle that works in tandem with the external sphincter and can therefore also be coaxed to cooperate.

The best example of the difference between internal and external anal sphincter control manifests itself when the brain receives the impulse to evacuate. The internal anal sphincter reflexively holds back the fecal material. Under normal conditions, we go immediately to the toilet; but if that release is not readily available, we are obliged to hold it by tightening the external sphincter muscles until we can find relief. Those who practice the genital gym, described in the chapter “
The Genital Gym: Strengthening the Pubococcygeal Muscle
,” will develop greater sphincter muscle awareness and control, which is crucial to the pleasures of anal penetration.

Before proceeding, it’s important to mention the potential but avoidable hazards of anal sex. When anal stimulation or penetration is practiced without barriers, it becomes the highest-risk form of intimate contact. The tissues of the anus, anal canal, and rectum are as capable of transmitting and contracting venereal disease as the vagina, and unsafe anal penetration remains the most common means of HIV transmission. The delicate tissues of that area are extremely fragile, increasing the likelihood of encountering blood, the most efficient carrier of the HIV virus. Lovers who are not bound by an exclusive and safe fluid-exchange agreement must protect themselves with a barrier at all times.

Barriers serve not only to prevent the transmission of STDs but also to provide a sensation of cleanliness. Those who are fearful of encountering feces will feel more at ease when barriers are used, and therefore more receptive to pleasure. In addition, fecal matter, only considered erotic by scatophiles, is potentially dangerous; even healthy feces can contain toxins and bacteria.

Condoms, dental dams, and latex gloves are a must if anal pleasures are part of the ceremonial plan. And be prepared: make sure your barriers are close at hand before the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony begins.

Uninhibited aficionados of anal sex are likely to enjoy the pleasures of anilingus, also called “rimming.” Unless a thorough anal cleansing has been done and partners have a safe fluid-exchange agreement, those who enjoy oral-to-anal contact should always protect each other with barriers. Anilingus presents exactly the same risks as oral-to-genital contact, and the best way to avoid these risks is through the use of dental dams. These thin sheets of latex can be stretched over the anus to keep the tongue, lips, and mouth from contacting germs and fecal matter. Ordinarily used by dentists to isolate a tooth or teeth from the rest of the oral cavity, dental dams may be purchased on the Internet, in some sex shops, and in any dental supply store.

If you don’t have a dam, and you are uncertain that the person you are “consuming” is disease free, a sheet of plastic wrap (yes, the kind that preserves food) can be used as an equally effective means of preserving your health and the health of your partner. A condom can also be used. To create a dam from a condom, cut off its tip with a pair of sharp scissors. Then cut the resulting tube in half. This will create a latex sheet that will allow you to engage in safe rimming. Condoms designed specifically for women have a wide brim and may also be used for anal play. Unfortunately, these condoms are not as easy to find as they should be.

To create a dam from a latex glove, first cut away the four fingers, then cut the glove in half, straight down the side and opposite the thumb, which should be left intact (leave enough material to provide sufficient coverage). The result is a sheet of latex with an attached, closed funnel, which can be used to anchor the dam inside the anus. The “glove dam” will allow you to penetrate orally with greater ease than a flat barrier and with less risk. But don’t forget: if the glove contains talc, before using it as a dam, rinse it with warm, soapy water and pat dry.

Before using any oral barrier, mark the side that will
not
come into contact with the body with a waterproof pen. Otherwise your good intentions to “play safe” are all for naught! Also apply a thin layer of lubrication to the anal area, which will cause the barrier to adhere to the skin. If using a “glove dam,” apply abundant lubrication to the closed funnel shape as well before inserting it into the anus.

During manual stimulation or penetration of the anus, I highly recommend that you wear talc-free latex gloves. They prevent the delicate tissues of the receiver’s anus from being unintentionally damaged by a fingernail and protect the provider from bacterial infection. Keep in mind that even minor scratches or micro-abrasions on the hands may allow germs to enter the body. No matter how small anal injuries may be, their healing is a long and uncomfortable process. Needless to say, any form of anal contact should be avoided in the presence of wounds; the healing process would be aggravated by the stimulations of sexual activity.

Plugs, prostate stimulators, vibrators, beads, and dilettos that are designed specifically for anal penetration either have a graduated or flared end or they are long enough to hold a generous portion of the total length firmly in hand. This prevents them from slipping into the
rectum or beyond, and thereby guarantee that you won’t find yourself in the emergency room!

If your partner is female, consider providing her with double the pleasure, letting her experience an unequivocal sense of fullness through the simultaneous penetration of both the anus and the vagina with the help of a diletto. The G-spot will receive a delightful degree of pressure that will flood the female prostate with ejaculate fluid.

If you are inserting into the anus any object other than fingers, a penis, or a strap-on diletto that has an ergonomic form, proceed with care and patience. Remember that the walls of the rectum require time to conform to the inserted object. If your lover is feeling anything but pleasure and emotional bliss, slow down.
Never
fail to respect your partner’s wishes if he or she asks you to exit altogether.