The Boudoir Bible (21 page)

A hot bath, or a shower, which tends to be more energizing, helps to reduce inhibitions and heighten sexual self-confidence. The skin is the body’s largest organ, and when dead cells are allowed to build up on its surface, they create a barrier that inhibits the body’s capacity to purify itself efficiently through the skin’s pores. Using an exfoliating mitt or sponge or a granulated scrub to clear the pores and prompt circulation to the skin’s surface and so enhance the perception of touch.

Like no other method, the steam sauna will eliminate toxins from the body and establish an overall sense of cleanliness, physically and mentally. Dedicating an hour per week to yourself in the sauna will keep body, soul, and mind primed for the reception of sensations. Brave the cold showers or icy pools of water that are available in most spas, as they serve to enhance the circulation of blood throughout your body. When performed within twenty-four hours of the ceremony’s commencement, the sauna will notably increase your receptivity to intimate contact.

Remember that whether or not you include anal pleasures in your play, anal cleanliness is a critical aspect of genital hygiene. Anal health and pleasure merits a chapter of its own: “
The Anthems of Anal Sex: From Hygiene to Heavenly Pleasures
.” Note that while the genital area perspires more than any other zone of the body, and proper hygiene is important, overzealous, aggressive, or too frequent cleaning with scented detergents is likely to cause irritation to this delicate area of the entire body.

When a longer ceremony is planned, bathing and showering can be integrated into its progression. The recuperative pleasures of washing may be shared, and it is a great way for new partners to discover each other intimately. Let every trace of reality be washed away as your partner’s soapy hands glide over your body—then return the favor.

Whether the bathing is performed as an event, an initiation into the ceremony, as an intermission, or as a way to terminate a long day of sexual worship, try finishing up the ritual with a cold genital rinse. If that sounds too shocking, recall that cold water invites blood to circulate and so keeps the genitals toned and ready for action. Once you have patted your clean skin dry, stroke each other from head to toe with a hydrating lotion or body oil.

As perfume and other scented body products may camouflage your natural pheromones, I advise that neither those nor underarm deodorant be used during the ceremony. The underarms are delectable area of the body to explore with your mouth, and there are few things as distasteful and distracting than the taste and feel of deodorant on your tongue! Your “scent aura,” secreted by various glands (a number of which reside in the genital area), is a natural aphrodisiac that is to be respected as a precious elixir for the magical phenomenon of attraction.

The way that we take care of our hands and feet is a reflection of our overall hygiene; personal hygiene rituals should regularly include attention to these extremities. Reflexologists, masseurs, and acupuncturists consider both hands and feet to be gateways to the entire body, so keep this in mind when you kiss and stroke your lover’s extremities with erotic intent. They are charged with millions of nerve endings.

Another preliminary that may be performed before you arrive in the temple is the removal of body hair. Most women depilate their legs and
their underarms, as well as remove traces of facial hair, for aesthetic purposes. In addition to keeping beards in check, many men today remove hair from their backs and chest, and some have adopted what was once known as a predominantly female practice, that of pubic preening.

While not everyone practices hair removal, some people go as far as to remove all of the hair from their bodies. Pubic depilation has been used by many cultures, past and present, for aesthetic as well as for sanitary reasons. Pubic hair removal was once believed to prevent the transmission of parasites, as well as sexually transmitted disease. Though we know today that this is not true, pubic hair does create a tactile barrier and acts as a trap for love juices. Its removal, therefore, can evoke a sense of cleanliness and provide for increased sensitivity and more direct contact.

The preference for a shaved pubic mound is also known as “acomoclitism.” While some men and women continue to prefer the “bush” effect that was popular in the 1970s, increasingly more women and some men find partial, if not total removal, of hair from the pubic mound and the surrounding areas sexually appealing.

Today there are more ways to remove hair from the body than the Greco-Romans ever dreamed of. Alongside the classic razor blade, there are a variety of foams, gels, creams, and waxes, as well as lasers and electrolysis to remove hair permanently. In North Africa, traditional steam baths often include an area dedicated specifically to hair removal. It is more often than not performed with a ball of honey and beeswax. The most primitive, painful, yet painstaking form of hair removal is tweezing. Most people would consider pubic hair removal with tweezers a form of torture, but some people enjoy the sedative effects that it provides once the initial adrenaline rush subsides. And, strangely enough, until the second half of the twentieth century, the plucking of “pubes” with tweezers was used as a treatment for hysteria!

Ladies who prefer the Brazilian hot-wax method of hair removal report heightened levels of desire afterward. Most women find the process excruciating, but they deal with it because the pain is momentary; others claim to reach orgasm during the process. Everyone’s threshold for pain is different, and, like it or not, waxing leaves you feeling slick, silky, and ready for intimate attention.

Any method that pulls the hair away at its root, like waxing or tweezing, brings blood rushing to the surface of the skin, and this renders the area very receptive to touch. It might not be appropriate, however, to those with very delicate skin. Electrolysis and lasers are techniques that also do not suit those who suffer from hypersensitivity.

When pubic hair removal is performed in the context of the sexual ceremony, razors are the best solution. They can make a strong psychological impact, especially if the razor in question is an open, or straight-blade, razor also known as a cutthroat razor. Unless you are skilled and at ease with this tool in hand, however, do not use it on someone else, as it is a potentially dangerous instrument.

If you and your partner practice pubic preening as part of the shared pleasures of the sexual ceremony, the person to be shaved should lie on his or her back, with knees bent and legs open as wide as possible. The position will fully expose the vulva or the testicles and it serves to pull the skin of the genitals and the surrounding area tight, allowing for a particularly close and safer shave. The position is obviously a vulnerable one, and it could be a source of humiliation; some lovers may actually enjoy this aspect of the ceremonial shave, though others will not appreciate the emotions it evokes.

Preparing the body and mind for pleasure is sexually empowering, and ritual preening is a titillating part of the preliminaries or a rejuvenating intermission in the Sexual Ceremony. It dissolves inhibitions, fosters receptivity, and cultivates the heightened pleasures that lie ahead.

ANOTHER ESSENTIAL
element in the elaboration of the Sexual Ceremony is the construction of your temple of erotic loving. This involves both a physical location and a psychological and spiritual dimension. By exercising control over a specific place and its ambience, you will be creating your private refuge from the real world, a sacred oasis for love. No matter how you define it—as the temple, the boudoir, the playroom, the dungeon, or the sanctuary—within this space your most intimate rituals will come to fruition.

In the eighteenth century, Catherine the Great, the Empress of Russia, dedicated several secret rooms to her sexual endeavors within her palace in Pushkin, outside of St. Petersburg. She famously had great interest in and know-how concerning the powers of sex as well as politics. The recent surfacing of a small part of the Empress’s erotic equipage now confirms its often-denied existence. In the 2003 documentary film
The Lost Secret of Catherine the Great
, director
Peter Woditsch hypothesizes that what remains of the precious artifacts of her ecstasy are hidden in the Vatican vaults, the world’s most extensive erotic museum, inaccessible to the eyes of the public.

Most of us do not have a room to spare solely for amorous celebrations. However, with a bit of creative fantasy, any room can be transformed into a temple of erotic loving. To erect the temple is a potent form of psychological foreplay that permits a gradual detachment from everyday reality, both mentally and physically, which is essential to sexual surrender and will help set fantasy free. The more sophisticated the ritual is, the more prepared partners will want to be in order to confirm a sense of freedom, safety, and relaxation that will enhance your mutual sexual satisfaction.

First and foremost is privacy. Even a slight interruption may disturb the rhythms of a sacred ritual. Second, before the temple doors are closed and locked to the outside world, every element necessary to the ritual’s harmonious progression should be acquired and set in place.

A specific area should be dedicated to the setup of your pleasure kit: tools, lubricants, condoms, and whatever else you and your partner enjoy. (If you use battery-operated tools, make sure the batteries are charged.) Attention to detail before the Sexual Ceremony commences ensures that the ritual will not lose its pace—and this attention will build anticipation and act as a potent form of foreplay if you focus your thoughts on the pleasures that lie ahead. Disorganization is not erotic; aside from cooling down a heated moment, it may evoke a sense of insecurity in the partner on the receiving end, especially when full-body sensations are being explored. Nothing breaks an erotic trance like a lover fumbling in a closet to find a missing toy.

Whenever the central element of the temple happens to be a bed, its linens, clean and crisp, should be folded down like a ceremonial invitation. But make it a point from time to time to move the focus
away from a bed’s cozy confines. From a sexual point of view, beds limit our range of positions by confining us to the horizontal; they can make for lazier, more lethargic lovers. Experimenting beyond the borders of the bed is likely to reveal some very pleasant surprises. This being said, there is still no better place for a rejuvenating catnap than between the sheets in the arms of your partner.

Established couples may decide to either take turns or share in the organization of the ritual space; partners who do not know each other well may not be able to erect the temple together, but they might at least agree in advance upon the tools and techniques to be explored.

For the established couple, the home is the obvious environment in which to erect the erotic temple. While it has the advantage of providing a permanent stage for more elaborate rituals, allowing for greater control, it also presents a greater challenge—that of keeping everyday reality at bay. Partners will need to make certain that the stress, worries, and obligations of everyday life are not allowed to creep into the ritual dimension, especially once the ceremony has commenced.

Switch off all telephones; make excuses in advance to anyone, such as a close relative, who might be concerned when you don’t answer a call. (They obviously do not need to know exactly why you will not be responding!) You do not need anyone stopping by unannounced “just to make sure you are okay.” Take off your watches—it’s time to ignore the demands that the ticktock of the stately clock impose upon our lives. Allowing your body, not the clock, to be your guide through every phase of the ritual will reinforce the ceremonial dimension; you are breaking the normal rhythm of everyday existence.

However, if a specific time frame must be respected, an alarm can be set to about thirty minutes before the ceremony’s end, allowing partners a fair amount of time to revel in the afterglow of ecstasy. Return to reality together, and do not end on a rushed note.

Close any doors leading to rooms that are not serving the ritual. Objects that may interfere with or interrupt concentration on the erotic joys at hand (such as piles of bills or laundry) should be put out of sight. Evoke the innate beauty of nature in the temple with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. Let the Sexual Ceremony bestow order upon your domain. The more control exercised in advance over your environment’s elements, the more likely it is that you and your lover will be able to truly let go and enjoy. A clean and orderly environment is more conducive to creativity and shows both self-respect and consideration for your partner.

Hotel rooms can provide an interesting erotic alternative to the home environment, having the advantage of being a degree removed from everyday reality. Their spaces are like a proverbial clean slate, therefore receptive to any mood or theme that you and our lover decide to set. When you book the room, request a bathroom with a tub. You will, of course, need to pack your “play case” in advance: if it makes you happy, throw in a box of chocolates and a bottle of champagne. Include a travel candle or two, as the lighting in hotel rooms is rarely erotic. If you do not have travel candles, cut swatches of colored fabric and fold them into your kit. Wrapping the lampshades in the room with the cloth will cast a warmer, sexier glow.