Read God on Sex: The Creator's Ideas About Love, Intimacy, and Marriage Online
Authors: Daniel L. Akin
Repetition is often a wonderful teacher, and in verse 10 Solomon again calls Shulammite his sister, his bride. He tells her that her love is delightful and that it is “much better than wine.” Wine is intoxicating and sweet, but it could not compare to this. He was drunk with love for her. Charles Spurgeon, the great British preacher of the nineteenth century, said her love was better than wine because it: (1) could be enjoyed without question, (2) would never turn sour, (3) would never produce ill effects, and (4) produced a sacred exhilaration.
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Her smell also got Solomon's attention. The fragrance or scent of this woman was superior to “all spices” (v. 11 NKJV). For a man, sight is closely followed by smell in the sensual realm. Shulammite knew this, and so she prepared herself in a way that would draw her man to her (not that he probably needed much encouragement).
Verse 11 moves us into even greater sensual and romantic territory. Her lips, he says, “drip sweetness like the honeycomb,” and “honey and milk are under your tongue.” The idea that a particular kind of kissing began in France is put to rest by this verse! Deep, wet, sweet, and passionate kissing is at least as old as this Song. Canaan was a land of milk and honey (cf. Exod. 3:8). It was a land of joy, blessing, and satisfaction that God graciously provided for the nation of Israel. It was a land of sweetness to a people who had been enslaved for more than four hundred years. Solomon found immeasurable joy in the deep, long, and intimate kisses of his bride.
Besides smelling good herself, she also applied attractive fragrances to her clothes. Lebanon flourished with cedar trees (cf. 1 Kings 5:6; Ps. 29:5; 92:12; 104:16; Isa. 2:13; 14:8; Hos. 14:5–6). The fresh aroma of those mountain cedars filled the nostrils of Solomon as he undressed his bride and made preparation for lovemaking. Virtually all the senses—taste, touch, smell, sight, and sound—have played a role in this sensual symphony in this bedroom. The lovemaking which we enjoy will only be enhanced as we follow this example.
My sister, my bride, is a locked garden—
a locked garden and a sealed spring.
Your branches are a paradise of pomegranates
with choicest fruits,
henna with nard—
nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
with all the trees of frankincense,
myrrh and aloes,
with all the best spices.
You are a garden spring,
a well of flowing water
streaming from Lebanon. (vv. 12–15)
LET IT BE A PLACE OF SPECIFIC AVAILABILITY
(VV. 12–15)
One of the greatest gifts a person can give a mate in marriage is exclusive and exciting sex. To enter marriage as a virgin is indeed a precious treasure to bestow on a spouse. Unfortunately, it is also a rare treasure. The Bible is crystal clear on the issue: any sex outside of marriage is sin in the eyes of God. This includes premarital sex, extramarital sex, or unnatural sex (such as homosexuality and bestiality). “Flee sexual immorality” (1 Cor. 6:18) is God's command, and a wise person will always listen to God. Shulammite had listened to the voice of her God concerning her sexuality. Note the beautiful imagery Solomon uses to describe his bride on their wedding night.
GOD IS PLEASED WHEN WE KEEP OURSELVES PURE (V. 12)
Shulammite is described as “a locked garden,” and “a sealed spring.” Each pictures her purity and virginity. She had sealed up herself for her husband. She had saved a precious treasure that belonged only to him. I have never known a woman, or a man for that matter, who ever regretted saving sex for marriage. I have, however, known many who regretted not doing so. In particular, I think of a letter written to Josh McDowell years ago that probably expresses the regrets of many scarred by the sexual revolution.
Dear Mr. McDowell,
Having premarital sex was the most horrifying experience of my life. It wasn't at all the emotionally satisfying experience the world deceived me into believing. I felt as if my insides were being exposed and my heart left unattended. I know God has forgiven me of this haunting sin, but I also know I can never have my virginity back. I dread the day that I have to tell the man I truly love and wish to marry that he is not the only one—though I wish he were. I have stained my life—a stain that will never come out.
Monica
God is pleased, we are protected, and a mate is honored when we keep ourselves pure.
GOD IS PLEASED WHEN WE GIVE EACH OTHER PLEASURE (VV. 13–15)
Solomon extended the imagery of the garden in verses 13–14, describing his bride as an exotic array of fruits, flowers, plants, trees, and spices. She was unique and valuable, rare and desirable. She was a fantasy garden, a lover's dream. To find pomegranates, henna flowers, nard, saffron, calamus, cinnamon, frankincense, myrrh, aloes, and all the best spices in one garden was unimaginable, and yet in his bride he found them all. She would satisfy his sense of taste, sight, and smell. He could never be bored. He would enjoy the multiple pleasures discovered in this garden. Each time would be an exciting time, a new and different adventure.
Solomon now thinks of “his wife” as “a garden spring, a well of flowing water streaming from Lebanon.” To other men she was locked up, enclosed, and sealed. For her husband she is wide open, accessible, and available. Indeed, her love is overflowing and streaming for him. What she once held back from others she now gives to her husband with unreserved passion and abandonment. And why? Because she had saved herself for this day and this man. She was no casualty of sexual promiscuity. She did not have the wounds of a young twenty-one year old who said with pain and sadness in her voice, “I have had 17 partners—too many, I think.”
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Purity and pleasure go hand in hand when it comes to sex. Be specific in your availability. It is worth the wait.
Awaken, north wind—
come, south wind.
Blow upon my garden,
and spread the fragrance of its spices.
Let my love come into his garden
and eat its choicest fruits.
I have come to my garden—my sister, my bride.
I gather my myrrh with my spices.
I eat my honeycomb with my honey.
I drink my wine with my milk. (vv. 4:16–5:1a)
LET IT BE A PLACE OF SEXUAL AFFECTION
(VV. 4:16–5:1A)
What do happy couples say about sex?
Reader's Digest
ran an article that answers that question with the caption, “With a dash of surprise, a pinch of romance and a word or two at the right moment, love can be kept simmering even in the longest marriage.” Adapting their list slightly and adding a couple of other suggestions, I think at least twelve things can be said.
What Happy Couples Say About Sex
Shulammite and Solomon certainly intended to fall in the “happy couple” category when it came to their sex lives. For the first time in our passage, Shulammite speaks, and her words would have gotten her husband's attention immediately.
ENCOURAGE YOUR MATE TO MAKE LOVE WITH YOU (V. 16)
In beautiful and enticing poetry, Shulammite invites Solomon to make love to her. She who has twice said not to awaken love until the right time (cf. 2:7; 3:5) now says, “The time is right. I am yours. Come and take me.” North winds are strong and south winds more gentle. In lovemaking Shulammite wants and needs both, sometimes at the same time and sometimes at different times.
She has been listening to every word spoken by her husband, for she picks up on the imagery of the garden. She is that garden, and her love is welcome to come in and enjoy. She invites him, she guides him, she tells him what she is feeling and what she wants. Great sex is the result of good communication. All the physiological parts fit when a man and woman come together, but sex is no mere mechanical union. It is a personal and spiritual union nurtured by careful communication. We cannot be certain of all that is meant by the imagery of coming to the garden and tasting the choice fruits. It is not difficult to imagine all sorts of good stuff!
ENCOURAGE YOUR MATE AFTER LOVE WITH YOU (V. 1)
The marriage has been consummated. The couple has made love. They were not disappointed. They had planned for it, saved themselves for it, studied up on it, and talked about it. All of their time and effort has been rewarded.
Shulammite invites Solomon to come to “his” garden in 4:16. Now in 5:1 he calls her “my” garden. In fact, nine times in this one verse he uses the word
my.
Don't miss that it is used in this manner after, not before, their lovemaking. In tender words he calls Shulammite his garden, his sister, and his bride. Coming in to her was indeed a garden delight. She smelled good, tasted good, and felt good; and he told her so. Their lovemaking had been good. It had been wonderful. She invited him to come to her and he did. He no doubt hopes for many more times together just like this, and so he romantically and tenderly expresses the pleasure she has given him.
In a study by Susan Sprecher, Ph.D., a professor of sociology at Illinois State University, sexual satisfaction was greater in relationships in which partners initiated equally or in which women sometimes initiated sex. Why then, do so many couples fall in the pattern of the man being the only one to suggest having sex? Sprecher and other sex researchers speculate that society's norms suggest that men should pursue and women should be pursued. The result may be that women tend to be less comfortable initiating sex. Or it may be that women tend to use subtle, indirect cues—which may not be consciously noticed—to initiate sexual activity, while men use more direct verbal requests and other measures. Women who initiate sex frequently are often very sexually satisfied to begin with, Sprecher believes, and this enables them to be more at ease about expressing their sexual desires. A woman who initiates sex also often stimulates her partner's sex drive and his desire for her, which helps drive this entire pattern. Several studies have found that many men like it when their female partner initiates sex. Matt Sess, 39, of New York City, says that he has always been the primary initiator in his relationship with Laura, his wife of eight years. “But when she initiates sex, it's definitely a turn-on,” he says. “It doesn't happen a lot, but when it does, it's a pleasant surprise.”
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No doubt Solomon found Shulammite to be something of a turn-on, and he let her know it—a wise man indeed.
Eat, friends!
Drink! Be intoxicated with love! (v. 1b)
LET IT BE A PLACE OF SPIRITUAL APPROVAL (V. 1B)
The last part of verse 1 has created quite a bit of interpretive discussion. Exactly who is it that encourages this man and woman in their lovemaking? Some believe it is the friends of the couple. However, the intimate knowledge of this speaker of all that has transpired in their bedroom would rule this out. Others believe it to be the voice of the wind again, personified from 4:16. Clearly, it cannot be either Solomon or Shulammite, for they are the ones being addressed.
Though His name never appears directly in the entire Song of Solomon, I believe the one who speaks here is God. He is the unseen but present guest in their bedroom. He has observed all that has happened this night, and He tells us what He thinks about it all.
SEX IN MARRIAGE ENJOYS DIVINE APPROVAL
“Eat, friends! Drink! Be intoxicated with love!” The love shared by Solomon and Shulammite, together with the gift of sex, was given to them by God.
He lifts His voice and gives hearty approval to the entire night. He vigorously endorses and affirms the love of this couple. He takes pleasure in what has taken place. He is glad they have drunk deeply of the fountain of love. Two of His own have experienced love in all the beauty and fervor and purity that He intended for them. In fact, He urges them on to more… . That is his attitude toward the giving of their love to each other. And by the way, that's also His attitude toward couples today.
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Yes, God is there, and He is pleased with what He sees. “He sees the passion. He hears the sighs of delight. He watches the lovers as they caress each other in the most intimate places. He is witness to the fleshly, earthly sights, sounds, and smells… . God desires for us to rejoice in our sensuousness, to give in to it.”
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