The Joy of Sex (20 page)

The tuning adjustments for matrimonials can be highly important – hard enough bed, aforementioned use of pillows if she is slim or built that way. Bed, cushion, and flesh should between them give good padding for her. Tough or tender, how high he rides, with her pinned down (fold her arms gently up behind her with him holding each of her thumbs in one of his hands) or not pinned down, astride her legs (holding them open by putting a foot under each of her insteps) or between them, spreading her with his legs – all of these make subtle differences. If his pubis isn’t very hard and she needs a touch more clitorial stimulation, try a leg-between position or add finger contact. She can, for her part, hold his foreskin or penile shaft skin back with her hand (
see
foreskin
).

variety

Plan your menus. Nobody wants a seven-course meal every time. At least 75 percent of really rewarding sex will be your absolutely straight, bedtime or morning pattern. For longer sessions you need to be rested – weekends, holidays, and special occasions on impulse. If you make up your mind that over the course of time you will try everything and have sex everywhere, the occasions will arise: when you feel one coming on, or know you will have the opportunity, plan together – with this book if you like – but don’t expect necessarily to keep to what you outlined. Stick to it sometimes, however, so you don’t miss things. Most couples will strike out perhaps a third of our suggestions as not turning them on, and pick up three or four headed “we must try that,” if they haven’t already.

Her timing and his may vary, with hers typically demanding a long lead-in time. So
start with hand or mouth work for her, move on to vaginal sex, then use mouth work to get a further erection – maybe have a final orgasm by masturbating together. Prolonged spinouts involving make-believe, experiments, and so on often go best with ample time – positions needing a very hard erection go best on waking fresh. Unlike a man, an untired and responsive woman can typically take more than one orgasm, but make the first one the easiest for her, unless her pattern is one overwhelming orgasm only – if so, keep it for last (
see
come again
).

Varying times of day is well worthwhile, but depends on your commitments and how easily you can get some privacy or clear your mind of other things. Try never to put it off if you both want it, except to “save up” for something. Planning and thinking about sex to come is part of love. So is lying together in complete luxury afterwards.

upper hands

upper hands

unique, giving her total freedom to control movement, depth, and her partner

If the
matrimonial is the king of postures, the queen is her turn on top. Indian erotology is the only ancient tradition devoid of stupid patriarchal hang-ups about the need for her to be underneath, and unashamed about accepting her fully aggressive role in reciprocal sex. With a woman who has good vaginal muscle control, it can be fantastic for the man, but for her it’s unique, giving her total freedom to control movement, depth, and her partner. She can lean forward for breast or mouth kisses, lean back to show herself to him, touch her own clitoris as she moves, delay if she wishes for emphasis – the lot. She can also ride him facing or facing away – what the Chinese reputedly call “wild geese flying on their backs” – or turn from one into the other, once or often.

Riding postures need a
stiff erection (or she may bend him painfully with an over-hurried insertion). This is, in fact, one of the few kinds of intercourse in which one or both can be injured by clumsiness or by slipping (
see
X position
), so test yourselves gradually; she should take the weight fully on her knees, position herself directly over him, and lower slowly. Once in, she can go facing, backing, kneeling, sitting cross-legged upon him, sideways, or round and round, and make movements in three dimensions and circularly with her hips. She can also lie on him (reversed matrimonial), legs astride or between.

When she has taken her main orgasm, he can either turn her, or she can lie back astride him, head between his feet, without disconnecting, and go on in the X position or the full matrimonial for his orgasm. Since it needs a stiff erection, and some women prefer to start from foreplay laterally or underneath, this makes a good second figure of a series. If she wants to bring him to orgasm this way, they should try it as the first figure, preferably on waking and when he is fresh, with a hard erection.

The round-and-round and cinder-sifting motions of the woman’s hips – what the French call the
Lyons mail coach (
la diligence de Lyon
) – come easily with practice if she has the right personality.

frontal

frontal

he astride her legs or between them

All the face-to-face positions where one partner has both thighs between those of the other – he astride both of her legs or between them. Includes all the varieties of the
matrimonial
, plus most of the more complicated, deep facing positions. Gives more depth (usually) but less clitoral pressure than the
flanquettes
.

To unscramble a complicated posture for purposes of classification, see if partners can move into the classic matrimonial without withdrawing or crossing legs. If so, it’s frontal. If not, and they finish face-to-face astride one leg, it’s a
flanquette
; square from behind,
croupade
; or from behind, astride a leg,
cuissade
.

This isn’t an intellectual classificatory exercise. Postures are to be used in sequence, and one needs to make as few radical shifts, such as climbing over legs or turning a partner over, as possible. This is important in planning sequences, though once you get used to going through 5, 10, or 20 postures at a single session, you will do it automatically: at first, whichever partner leads, they need to envisage all the stages in getting where they are going to avoid clumsiness and breaks, other than natural and intended ones.

inversion

inversion

with orgasm the buildup of pressure in the veins of the face and neck can produce startling sensations

Taking him or her head-down. He can sit on a chair or a stool and take her astride facing – then she lies back until her head rests on a cushion on the floor. Or she can lie down, raising her hips – he stands between her legs and enters her either from in front or from behind while she rests on her elbows or walks on her hands (the wheelbarrow). Don’t even think about this one if she has a bad back. He or she can lie over the edge of the bed, faceup, while the other sits or stands astride. With orgasm the buildup of pressure in the veins of the face and neck can produce startling sensations.

Unless you want a body on your hands, better not try this on a hypertensive executive, but it should be safe enough if you are reasonably fit. It’s the way to handle those idiotic people who try to persuade a lover to boost their orgasm by throttling them – if you meet one of these, never be persuaded to do anything so silly, but teach them this alternative and equally rewarding method. You may save two lives – theirs, and, since most people’s grip tightens in orgasm, their next partner’s, which could otherwise easily be spent in jail for homicide.

Inverted
soixante-neuf
is described elsewhere (
see
this page
). This makes a good tryout, always works if he can lift her, and will give her an idea of the quality of sensation involved; not everyone likes it.

X position

X position

a winner for prolonged, slow intercourse

A winner for prolonged, slow intercourse. Start with her sitting facing astride him with one or both legs over his, penis fully inserted. She then lies right back – clasping his hands will help – until each partner’s head and trunk are horizontal. Slow, coordinated wriggling movements will keep him erect and her close to orgasm for long periods. To switch back to other positions, either of them can sit up without disconnecting. Useful when neither partner can bear weight because of tiredness, illness, or disability. In particular, use as a discreet training position when she is learning to help herself to climax by hand during intercourse and might get embarrassed if he is obviously watching.

flanquette